Let's Talk Later
Let's Talk Later
Know Yourself: Self-Worth and Acceptance
Ever wondered how self-worth and personal strengths shape everyday lives? Buckle up as we, Caprie and Jaylah, embark on an enlightening journey to unpack these concepts using a fascinating framework proposed by Professor Christoper Mruk on types of self-worth. We take you along as we introspectively identify our strengths and discuss the power of acceptance, particularly during challenging times.
From an interesting chat about personal interests and strengths to examining how control in organizing can be a source of motivation, we weave in real-life examples to make these concepts relatable. We’re not just talking about it, we are living it! From the joys of simple things to how our love for Marie Kondo and organization shows, we reveal our unique strengths and how ancestral wisdom might be linked to our need to do things hands-on.
Finally, we delve into a captivating exploration of how others perceive us, the influence of compliments, and the crucial role of maternal figures in shaping our self-image. Plus, we ponder upon how laughter can be a powerful tool and how a lack of dependency on others can build strength. Come along, join us on this riveting journey as we recall our favorite school classes, and our inspirations, and discuss how our passions have influenced our lives – it’s a journey you don’t want to miss!
Resources:
Mind.org - https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/
Stark Wellness - https://www.starkwellness.com/25-powerful-questions-to-develop-your-self-worth-pdf/
Hey everyone, welcome back to let's Talk Later. I am your host, capri, and I'm Jayla, and today we are gonna talk about self-worth, knowing your self-worth, questions that you can ask yourself and the importance of it. So, in our true form and fashion, jayla and I will do some Q and A and we'll have some discussion. Let's start us off as usual. We're recording in the morning when the house is quiet all as well. It's actually the day before I go back to work after a three month leave, and wow is all I can say. I feel a lot of feelings, but we gotta do what we gotta do until we reach our next mark, right? How are you this morning, jayla?
Speaker 2:I'm good. A new episode of Love Is Blind dropped and I'm addicted. Love Is Blind is this like a dating show yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, never seen it. Love Is Blind okay.
Speaker 2:It's really good. I wanna get on the show one day. If I'm not married by like 27, I'm gonna get on the show.
Speaker 1:Oh they looking for marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, it's a good show.
Speaker 1:I've never seen it. I don't like those shows ever since. Like was it a flavor of love, and I love New York and the real chairs of love.
Speaker 2:Those are reality.
Speaker 1:TV, but it was like they were looking for at least they acted like they were looking for love. I don't know.
Speaker 2:No, this love is different. Like, this way of like looking for love is so different.
Speaker 1:It's like science based. Oh yeah, oh, that's cool. So they are like matched by their answers.
Speaker 2:Not this exact show, but like another show is, but this one is like they're in these pods and they like can't see each other. Like they have no idea what the other one looks like. You just get to know people based off of what they sound like, what they say and things like that. They say like is love blind, like that's their whole thing. But there is another one it's called Married at First Sight where they have a psychologist, a pastor and a sex therapist.
Speaker 2:I think you have to fill out all these like questionnaires and they try to find you your on paper best match. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, really good shows.
Speaker 1:There's also this other show on Netflix. I don't know the name of it, but you pick the person based on their body. Oh, that's bad though, so they're like naked in, like these little chambers, and they slowly come up. They're like feet, knees, genitals, and you're like the person is like who do you want to keep and who do you want to disqualify based on their body? Yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible. They show it. It's very live and direct. Oh, okay. They sound like they're from the UK or it's based in the UK.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Go check it out if you want to, okay, well, anyway, cool, let's get into it. So just a couple of facts.
Speaker 1:So the reason why I thought this would be a good idea, we chose this as a topic, was it's important to know yourself worth. It's kind of the basis of your emotional compass, if you will, when you are making decisions about jobs and relationships and what you want in life. If you don't have a good directional point on who you are and what you value and what you deserve, then you tend to make irrational decisions. It's important to feel good about yourself and to accept yourself, even like in moments of negative or negativity excuse me when you're making mistakes or when you're making bad decisions. It's a compass, like I said. To come back, to increase your resiliency, I would say.
Speaker 1:And so there was this professor, and his theory is that there are four types of self-worth. I mean, when I think about self-worth, I'm thinking very singular. It's like this kind of what you experience and feel about yourself and how worthy you are. But this professor says that the four types of self-worth are low self-esteem, high self-esteem, worthiness-based self-esteem and competence-based self-esteem. And so low self-esteem is very rooted in what's happened to you, how you feel about your body, your eyes, your hair, and high as well. High self-esteem is very physical. It's very much the emotions about the physical around you. And then worthiness-based is how you feel about who you are as a person, the things you value, the choices you've made and so forth. And then competence-based self-esteem is how you feel about what you're capable of, so what you are good at, what you're not so good at, what you can do, what you can't do. So just a quick overview of those four types.
Speaker 1:I thought that was very interesting. So a little note to put in your tool bag. So we're gonna get started with these questions. I'll kick it off. So, number one, jaila. What are the first three strengths that come to mind? Your strength, Perseverance.
Speaker 2:I think I'm pretty funny. You know I'm not a lighten up a mood and I'm a great listener, yeah.
Speaker 1:Interesting, no, I'm sorry. I'm not saying I disagree. I was gonna say I'm saying it's interesting that I thought something and you didn't say that. It's also interesting that you think you're funny because for like years you didn't think you were funny you were like I don't understand why people always laugh when I say stuff. But I guess now you've come to terms with-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes I love to hear myself and I'm like that was good.
Speaker 1:But I would say analytical, I keep. No, she's not listening to me.
Speaker 2:You just told me that I don't need to analyze everything, and now I'm one of my strengths is analyzing everything, but it's a skill.
Speaker 1:You just use it to your detriment. Jaila, I'm telling you if I'm wrong, like I don't know I mean, we'll obviously see in the next five to 10 years when she decides. You know her career path, but I truly, truly think you will be so good in organizational analysis because you look at everything with such a finite view of it. Like this don't make no sense. It shouldn't be done like that. This should be changed. Oh gosh, sorry I'm banging the table, but anyway, I was inorganized as well. You can organize to a T, but that's my perspective. But okay, cool, it's like it's mine.
Speaker 1:You know, I almost said resilient, but I don't think that's a strength. I think that, honestly, I've just been in survivor mode all my life and I think that's different from resilience in a later episode. So I think I would say I'm also. I feel like I'm also a good listener Another strength, strengths. So good listening, what do you call it? Like, I don't know, is that? I don't know if I call myself a mediator? No, not really. I aspire to be, but I don't think I outwardly do it. This is actually bad. I shouldn't have this. I really love like helping, like my heart of service, I feel like, is one of my strength. I love to help other people, and that can be all-encompassing in personal, professional life. And then, third, just my strength I have overcome a lot and I feel like it has made me into a very while still working well-rounded person, because I am if something needs to get done, I'm gonna get it done. That's own period, that's what you always say.
Speaker 2:That was embarrassing.
Speaker 1:But no, for real I will, I will get it done. And so just the strength, and I guess I'll give it to resilience. Sorry, I'll take that back. Oh, strength and resilience, yeah, taylor.
Speaker 2:I'm about to read the next question Mm-hmm, what do you like about yourself?
Speaker 1:I like my ability to find peace. I like that I can think about something and just all of a sudden be centered, Like I can just kind of mentally come up with a yeah, I don't know a scenario or a memory or something, and be kind of, bring myself back to center and say you know what? It's all, everything's fine, I'm fine, things are good. That's on the I don't know, maybe spiritual or mental level. And then the physical level. I love my legs. I'm just going to say that I think I have great legs.
Speaker 2:That's good mom.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:High five.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, Okay, yeah sure, oh really.
Speaker 2:I thought so.
Speaker 1:Maybe, how Maybe? There's stretch marks on the back of my leg.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, hey if you want to tell everybody, go ahead, bro, Open it out there it's okay, do what you gotta do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. What about for you? What do you like about yourself?
Speaker 2:My personality. Okay, I'd be buzzing.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I just think I'm pretty cool, like I think like, okay, like I got a little negatives, you know I could be a dramatic and stuff like that, but otherwise I'm pretty cool, like I'm fun to be around. People love me. Not to be like, ooh, I'm tuning my own horn, but no, like you know, it's very easy for like people to be like oh my God, j-late, you're so fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true, I try Once she opens up, because she can be very cold, like refrigerator mode, like turn it all the way down. But yeah, once you get to know her and she trusts you and she's comfortable around you, absolutely One of the best people I know for a certain and I'm not saying that just because you're my daughter. Okay, I think the next question is mine what are you proud of in your life?
Speaker 2:I don't know A lot. I guess I'm proud of how far we've come. Yeah, what about?
Speaker 1:you, what about you singularly?
Speaker 2:What are you proud of about yourself? I feel like I'm pretty great when I'm asked that question you think the song is about you? No, I'm saying like I just feel like there are so many things to be proud of. That is just kind of like yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:Just name one.
Speaker 2:Just the fact that I've been through so much but, I still. That doesn't turn me into someone who is mad and angry. I still try to find something to be happy about?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, my first mind says my kids. I am most proud of even my son and his little years of life. I'm so very proud of him. I strongly believe that he is going to grow up and be an amazing person. He has such a good, positive perspective. He just wants to be happy and have fun all the time.
Speaker 2:He's annoying but he does.
Speaker 1:I feel like he taught me the lesson If you're annoyed because someone's happy, what's wrong with you? For real, I'm so sorry. Sometimes if it's too happy, I'd be like chill man, it's like, okay, I need to get my life together because he's happy, but that's for real. There are people that will see, people are like I hate morning people. People that wake up in the morning are like hi, good morning, how's everyone? And they hate those people. But that's because something's probably wrong in you. You wish you could be happy like that. But yes, and just Jaila, because just everything, because everything she's been through and she's still just so wise and so strong and so positive. Yeah, like, yeah.
Speaker 2:At 22,.
Speaker 1:I was so different at 22.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, hey, I'm bad myself when I'm back too, because I had a little bit to do with that.
Speaker 1:But singularly, I think I'm most proud of probably the work that I've done on myself this past year. It's been hard and it's not done, but I have done a lot of inner work and self-reflection and, yeah, it's brought me to a place where I'm like it's almost like once you become a new person, you fight with the old person and the life that the old person created, because it's like I'm, like it feels, like I'm telling myself like I don't want this life, you may no more, I don't want this. And then she's like you can't do nothing about it right now, though you got to live in it. So it's like I'm stuck in that you know who's that, who's those snakes? I guess they're. You know they're how they shed, like I'm in that, trying to shed out of that skin. And that's the hard part about growth, I think, is being comfortable, or at least being willing to sit in the skin a little longer until you can, you know, finally release it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, Um, okay, what do you enjoy or love doing?
Speaker 1:Dancing, um, dancing, that's. That's always been my number one. I love writing, too, even though I don't do it as much I miss it. I would love to tap back into that creative brain and I love doing things with my hands, like a ceramics or beating and stuff. I love doing stuff with my hands building.
Speaker 1:I'm an IKEA freak, like, if I can make good money, like being one of the IKEA's, like builders, the people you pay to come put yourself together, I would do that. I would do it every day and then dance on the weekends. That would be my life forever. Um, but yeah, yeah, that's that's. Yeah. I'm surprised that, like, maybe if life went different, I would have been, um, not not been a dancer, but I would have definitely done something with dancing Um, maybe even just taught, taught classes or children, or I do aspire to open a dance studio, and not just a studio. I want a big, huge space that I can open up to Um others who are in different fields of body work. But yeah, yeah, that's, that's definitely what I love. What about for you? What do you love doing?
Speaker 2:Sleeping.
Speaker 1:Oh God.
Speaker 2:A little to sleep, a little shop. I like to give people advice.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, what do you think of sleeping, shopping and vice? What could you, what could you do with that?
Speaker 2:I could become a personal shopper, could become a test subject and sleep studies and I could become a advice giver.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, what are like celebrities? Don't they have like stylists?
Speaker 2:I do not want to be a stylist.
Speaker 1:I like to shop.
Speaker 2:I like, like, if I'm going to target. I like to have a list of things that I need to like buy and I like checking it off. Interesting yeah so if they need like a personal assistant.
Speaker 1:I can do that for sure.
Speaker 2:Okay, I need to take a nap, oh okay, yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 1:Okay. So who's the next question on me? Okay, what small things, and I guess you just kind of named some. Do you do that you find extremely satisfying?
Speaker 2:Oh, I like to pick at like dead skin. I love that. Like you know, we did that, like, um, we did the exfoliating thing and I think that's. Oh, I thought it was, I thought it was like. I thought it was like what do you find satisfying? I'm like ooh, I got so many of these.
Speaker 1:J Lasnord is so love. Oh my God, mom, yeah, just.
Speaker 2:I mean maybe.
Speaker 1:I enjoyed it too, but I don't think that's what this this is about self worth, right? I don't think that's what they mean.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I guess organizing, bro, Like I like you know organizing, I like organizing anything but like, in order for me to like organize, I need to have full access, Like I don't wanna go in and organize something, I want to just come in and organize it before a bunch of stuff is there already.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you wouldn't want to like, but on that hoarder show, no Okay.
Speaker 2:They're dirty.
Speaker 1:Oh not even the hoarder is like what are those DIY, not DIY?
Speaker 2:Like those home shows where they go in and like I want to just give the ideas, but I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Cause I don't want to touch your stuff. This is your mess. Now I feel like I'm cleaning up after you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, like Marie Kondo. No, thank you, she didn't do it, she just gave them advice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would give advice.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's cool. Yeah, so the second part of that question is what strengths could this point to?
Speaker 2:That I'm super organized, sometimes too much yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you think organizing does for you? Like why do you think it's something you enjoy and that it's a strength? Like what is it?
Speaker 2:It helps me maintain control of my environment. Here you go, oh, psychoanalysis every day.
Speaker 2:Always means something. I just like to be organized. I feel that if you have a clean environment in places and everything has a place, then there's no room for error when somebody else may be potentially cleaning up, cause I know like at my, like my apartment, my apartment is the go-to spot. So if I have everything in a great order and somebody needs to clean up after themself, they know exactly where it belongs. I don't have to show you more than once. Don't come to my house unless you are going to clean correctly.
Speaker 1:I will never forget. This time I went to Jaila's one of her no well, was I considered an apartment where you stayed with them. Okay, I don't know if they call those dorms, I don't know, but I went to her apartment. She had a roommate and I was staying there for a little bit and the roommate just kept like sweeping herself and she was so adamant about telling me oh, jaila likes you to sweep first, then vacuum, or something like that. You have to do both. Like she's really serious about it. And I just remember her face standing in that kitchen holding that darn broom and I'm like why are you sitting here telling me what my daughter want me to clean? Like Like chill girl. But she was serious in her face. It was just like no, for real. Like you, I'm like, thank you, but go on, I got this Jaila not about to tell me nothing about my cleaning when I'm the one that was cleaning like crazy. Oh well, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:So for me I will go back again to I definitely I like organizing, but I'm not to your level, like at all. But like I would say, things with my like I said doing things with my hands, like putting things together. Helping, I mean definitely like helping people feel welcome. That's one of the things that's listed on here. It is big for me, like like belonging and inclusion, like I didn't realize how passionate I felt about those things until I was put on this committee and it like became a whole brain child at work, because I know, I think, and I think that's because for me I know how it feels to not feel welcome and not be included and I wanna make sure other people don't feel that way.
Speaker 1:And so, like, when I think about, like I said, shedding the skin, like I think about like the types of things that I wanna do in my lifelong term, I think about like onboarding and employee experience and things like that and events and planning events and bringing people together for community or whatever, like those things excite me, those things motivate me. And so, yeah, I don't know what doing things with my hands really has to do with things. I don't know if it's just a need to work through my hands, like maybe it's like something I mean like funny but not funny. Like maybe it's something down in my ancestral line, like maybe they were doing things with I'm dead, jaila, you're sick. And I like sick. Like that Josh, you over here cracking lips, I think what's her hand? Just not talking about picking in the field, jaila, I mean other things with their hands Dang, I mean maybe they were.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I was telling Jaila a thing a while ago that I did do that DNA, not DNA, but like a family tree thing and the last person it could find it said field worker, like that was her occupation. So I'm pretty sure I am a descendant Like I'm not even gonna say a descendant of slaves, because I don't like that. I do have slaves in my ancestral line, but I meant others. Maybe they were creating building homes, maybe they were, you know, crushing herbs and picking, you know they were the gatherers. Maybe like who knows, but I definitely my hands like almost need to be busy. And it's also instant gratification, like when, especially Ikea, back to Ikea man, you don't need to sponsor me and give me some stuff, but when you have like all of those boards and nails and pegs and all of these things and they just it's just a mess, and then you put it together it's like, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2:So maybe that's just what it feeds for me, but okay, next question All right, this is gonna be what others think, and you need to consider positive ways. You are seen by others. Screw these people really, though. Question six what do you get complimented on? Second part what could be the strengths that lie underneath?
Speaker 1:I get complimented on the way I am as an individual. People always tell me that I seem so calm. If only they knew I seem so calm and warm-natured and inviting. I seem so calm and warm-natured and inviting. I get complimented on a lot. I also get good insight. If you catch me at the right time, you can spill your information and tea. It's something that resonates with me or I have experience with. I can give you a good perspective to make you consider some other things. What was the second part of that?
Speaker 2:What could be the strengths that lie underneath with that?
Speaker 1:I don't know what you would call the skill or strength. You don't always have to be an emotional wreck or an emotional mess, even if you do have things you're going through. It doesn't have to be who you are. It doesn't have to be how you present yourself, knowing how to pull it all back in. I think that is a strength Also, having the know-how and the resources and the support to heal whatever things are causing you to have that about your character. You are anxious all the time, or suffering from depression or whatever. Be sure to heal those things. It comes hand in hand. What do you get complimented on?
Speaker 2:I feel like I notice a lot of people say J-Liz is so motherly. A lot of people treat me in the same regards. People will call my phone and be like A I don't feel good. What's that stuff you'd be doing? I'm like, really, that's just my mom. I'm like we can always go to J-Liz's house or if we ever need anything, we know J-Liz, we can count on J-Liz. I'm very dependable. I guess I don't know a strength. I feel like it's nice to be like people can depend on me, but I think that it comes from not being able to depend on other people in my life. I have to be dependable because I ain't dependable nobody. I depend on my mom, but you know what I'm saying. It's you and then there's me. That's just how it is. I guess it is a strength that came from a downfall down. What's the word? I'm thinking about? A lack. It was a strength that came from a lack of it.
Speaker 2:I couldn't depend on others, so I had to become dependable.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. I feel like I've heard that throughout my life, that that happens where you become what you didn't have, like I said, making people feel welcome and included. I didn't feel that. So it's like I became the person to create that space, one of the people, because there's so many others out there creating those spaces. Yeah, I would agree. I've had someone call me that too. An old boss actually said you became like the mother or something, something maternal around here, Well, you are a mom, Right?
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, you know, what's funny is that I am a mom, I've been a mom for almost 23 years, half my life. Yeah, more than half my life More. And I don't feel like maternal if that makes sense, like I don't feel like what I see when I hear the word maternal is someone that's very you know. Come in and sit down and let me make you a grandpa. Yeah, Like I feel like that's maternal and I'm like, oh, you can come in. You know, I'm about to cook for you.
Speaker 2:I'm already cooking maybe.
Speaker 1:But at the same time, when I came down Atlanta and I did cook for everybody, that did feel good, like it was like, look at these little jits, that was your college. Yeah, I was like that was cool, they like my food and stuff and they just feeling good and it created a space. I like it. But it's just not my first. You know, it's not the first thing I'm going to do. Maybe I'm thinking grandmotherly and not maternal. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Interesting, okay. Next question when are we?
Speaker 2:Seven Mm-hmm Is yours, no.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's mine. What would your partner or best friend say are your top three strength? You could?
Speaker 2:be an old partner. Lea, my best friend would. I don't even, to be honest. Oh, my God, my three strengths. Well, I know for a fact she's like bro, you're super strong, like you have like held so many people together and held yourself together. She says I'm funny too. So yeah, she thinks I'm pretty hilarious and that's a strength in itself, because I feel like if you find humor in some of the most like depressing situations, it just changes the whole mood. And she'll probably also say another strength of mine is having tough skin, like just letting things sometimes just roll off, like it's not even necessary to respond.
Speaker 1:Okay. Yeah, that's what she better say about me Don't listen to you, so this would maybe be different. So my partner or my husband must be nice.
Speaker 1:I'm doing a long road to get here, long road would say. My top three strengths are my humor, same, my warm nature, or my warm nature and like my what do you call it? Like how I motivate others. Like I pour into people and try to make them like feel good. And, you know, keep the determination.
Speaker 1:Like you know you're doing great, don't stop and look at what you've done and look at what you've come from and like kind of like pouring into people, my best friend, I mean my best friends, but I think, in a general, across all of them, I think it would be different if you ask each person honestly, because if I think about all of them, I think that I give them different things. But I think it would be again, it would be humor, it would be you know that I'm personable, like I'm very down, I'm good natured, I'm down to earth, you know I'm me, I'm authentic. And then I think it would be third thing, I think it would be yeah, I'm a good listener, like I want to hear from you, I want to hear about what's going on in your life, and you know I'm here to support and however I can. So, yeah, okay, I'm interested, jaila, to know what a an ex partner might think were your strengths, even though you're not partnered currently. Like what do you think Any any any old, uh, old flame. Okay.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Like okay, one string.
Speaker 2:She's helpful.
Speaker 1:She's helpful. Okay, that's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good to be helpful?
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure, as long as you're deserving. Sometimes we don't know that until after, though, right?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Next question.
Speaker 2:Okay, what would your family say? Your strengths are.
Speaker 1:It depends on who. It always depends on who. It says consider each family. I'm not about to consider each family member Black. If I had a general answer across everyone that I would consider, I would say I don't know what to put a word to it. Basically like like, oh man, she had a kid young and look at her now like she's. She's doing well for herself. Like she's. I don't know what you'd call that, though. Like I don't know. I don't know what you call it.
Speaker 2:Mom, you're the English major woman.
Speaker 1:Like I go to you for definitions, don't look at me. I mean what do you? I mean I wouldn't say successful, because I'm not where I want to be yet, but I have succeeded.
Speaker 2:So maybe beat the odds.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:I don't know. See, this is why I didn't want to answer.
Speaker 1:They say I mean, yeah, maybe it could, it works. They, I've beat the odds. I I, you know, bought the stigma. I don't know, was it three or just string?
Speaker 2:It was just straight.
Speaker 1:Okay, strengths are yeah, I beat the odds, I have good humor, I'm good natured, I care about others. It's what I think my family would say.
Speaker 2:I would not say that because you're not funny.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of funny, chill, we be laughing, we be laughing together, man, chill, man, we be laughing, we be laughing, we be laughing. Okay, what about your family? Well, you are my family, I know, but others, all of us just think across everyone.
Speaker 2:I mean probably, I don't know. I say what I want to say. Jailer has no filter. That's a strength. Well, no truth, that's Jailer.
Speaker 1:This is correct, okay. Yeah, pretty cool too, yeah sure.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Next question what do your friends admire about you? What do you get asked to help with?
Speaker 2:Everything. Aliyah will ask me to help her with building something. She will ask me how do I use this? How do I do this Jailer? You ever seen this before? Oh man, I don't know everything. You know what she just admitted to me. She admitted that when dudes oh wait, I can't be well, that's not exposing her yeah, true. That's not exposing her, okay when dudes like when I say dudes sometimes I mean like females and males like people.
Speaker 1:Okay, when people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when people call Aliyah and be like oh, I'm not feeling too well. Oh okay, she called me and tell me you remember that one time you pat me, put my, my, my, my, my, my, my nose over the pot and she going to tell me that she be saying this stuff to people so that she come off as like intelligent and like all this stuff, not saying, my friend, not intelligent, but don't be, don't be used to me.
Speaker 1:You know it's even funnier, is you got that from me?
Speaker 2:And the thing is right. I tell her. I'm like, oh, I remember this one time my mom had me put. And then I call you on my mom with the stuff that you put in the pot.
Speaker 1:That's how it's supposed to go. It's supposed to carry down through generations. Yeah, but that's what.
Speaker 2:I'm good for that's what they call me and ask me resourceful. Yeah, I'm everybody resource. Okay, I remember this one time my homeboy asked me to cook dinner and pretend that he made it.
Speaker 1:I think you told me that, so he could impress someone. Yep.
Speaker 1:I'm just the help you to help makes for good stories. Um, man, what do the what they admire about me? I mean, I guess this is the what do you get asked to help with must be the way you would answer the admiration piece. But I usually again, it's very dependent on the friend Either I get asked for like professional advice or I get asked for like relationship advice, and sometimes I'd be like, why are you asking me? I mean, yes, I am married, yes, I've been in a relationship for 11 years, but I'm a hero trying to figure stuff out just like everybody else. Um, but I guess it is valuable to get another perspective from someone in a situation different than you. So sure, um, so it's usually advice. You know either relationship or you know some kind of relationship. There'd be intimate relationship, or family, um, or other friends, or professional advice, um, and so I guess that would mean that they admire, admire my intellect and my experience or perspective. I feel like I'll set that a few times.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, uh, next question what would your coworkers say are your strong points?
Speaker 1:I feel like I kind of alluded to this a little bit. Um, that's what I well, when I said that I'm always so calm and even tempered. Um, that's that's at work. As everyone says, I'm easy to talk to. Um, I'm very human, which is crazy because we're all humans but I think we forget that, especially in human resources, where, um, it's a lot about policy and um, politics honestly feels like they says you're so, not HR, like you're, you're so human, you're so warm and you seem like you really do care, Um, and so that usually comes from clients. But if you're talking about like co-worker specifically, I think they would say that um, um, like what do you call it? It's flexible, Like I'm willing to help and willing to try something new and try something different, and, um, and yeah, I don't know what else, I'm sorry, I don't care. Um, what about you?
Speaker 2:Um, um, um. I don't really have co-workers anymore, because I just just me, bruh. Um well, think about what I sandboxed this is not promotional and I am not saying go work at sandbox VR. My co-workers would say Jaila is extra, jaila don't play no games with y'all and Jaila don't like y'all.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, sure, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, okay, we are going into the final section and these questions are around times you've been at your best and what lies underneath your success. So, jaila, what were your favorite subjects or classes in school and why?
Speaker 2:You know, surprisingly, it was history and psychology. Yeah, but I think it was because I had a really good history teacher and she didn't like sugarcoat the whole. Oh my God, americans are great. No, she was like we suck. We do a lot of bad things and I want you guys to write me a paper about how much we suck. I'm like for sure, for sure, you guys are ready to write.
Speaker 1:Ready. Okay, but the content wasn't interesting. It was the teacher, more you think.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, the way she taught the content was like, wow, like. I used to not get good grades in like history, because it was just a lot about memorizing like the dates of wars and stuff and I don't know anything about that, but she made it like you know. She literally told us like bro, minorities built this country. Bro, stop thinking that the white man did, and I'm like it's kind of real, and what was she? She was a white woman, okay.
Speaker 1:This was high school yeah.
Speaker 2:Pali, take your kid to Pali. They just better know how to fight For real. Yeah, and be very outspoken and self advocate heavily. Yeah, but I mean in the psychology part, that's obvious. I just like to know about people's problems, and sometimes my own. I think I was in class like bro, I think me and my mom got this.
Speaker 1:That was, I think, your first year of college. Well, I'm in this lecture, man. I'm pretty sure Self discovery is beautiful.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, what about you? English, Creative writing and anything, oh wait, no, well, yeah, anything. Music I had a drum class loved it. Piano class loved it. And then back to the hands. I had a ceramics and a wood shop classes loved them. I loved the wood shop so much that I asked my wood shop teacher to teach me how to play that. I asked my wood shop teacher to deliver my diploma. When I walked across the stage and everybody was like why would you ask Mr Leaper? Like you know, it was like oh, I'm sorry, mr Leaper, the weird wood shop teacher guy, but I loved his class and I loved like making. I would always bring home those stools and desks and benches and shelves and it was so fun. And then looking me here talking about I can building things.
Speaker 1:But wood shop was really fun, but creative writing was my absolute favorite, like I don't know why I didn't major in creative writing, even though I don't know what I would done with it, but at least I would have been doing something I loved. So, yeah, I think in the wise were everything that is me. It just I love writing, I love music, I love dancing, I love all of it. So, yeah, those always were my favorite classes as far back as I can remember. I hated math, I hated history. Science was all right, I mean, you get to mix some stuff together and fool around, I guess, but you can make ice cream. We ain't no ice cream, yeah, we made ice cream.
Speaker 1:And then I got to skip home because I had a baby at home, so I didn't know, our home egg wasn't about babies. That's so funny we don't know. It totally was about having kids and how to like do a crew, maintain a household. I think we cooked once.
Speaker 2:Our home echo is yeah, we had the cooking, we had sewing, we had middle white people skills.
Speaker 1:Stay at home. My lady, I don't know. I'm like where did I learn how to sew? No, I wasn't at school. I think grandma made me out of so, okay, all right. Next question.
Speaker 2:When have you felt most energized? What were you doing? Right here you go. I already know your answer what, what I'm dancing, what?
Speaker 1:Why you hate me. I was actually going to say in my latest endeavors teaching my step fitness classes ma'am, that's basically dancing, All right yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, when somebody passion, become a like whole personality, that is you. You're like I love it so much. I do, man, I'm kidding, bro, you make me never want to think about it again.
Speaker 1:None, which is crazy, because you don't dance Exactly and that's why I never dance. It's like how did that happen? You don't even like to dance what you do in the club, what you do. I went up gang signs and two stepping like give me another shot.
Speaker 1:That's what I do I do, though. I love dancing Like this. This is no better feeling. It's fun and it's good for your mental health too, like when I'm dancing and doing the fitness classes. I don't, why are you looking like that? You don't respond to all your faces because you're doing them all free.
Speaker 2:You don't have a camera yet, so this is you, girl, you tell me about it. Yes, I'm not going to lie, I'm not trying to be rude, I'm like man. All right, you need to pick up another hobby.
Speaker 1:No, no, I will not.
Speaker 2:I will not sign you up for task rabbits, get to building a staff.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I love building. Something about putting those nails on that one.
Speaker 2:Imagine the way you talk about dance. Imagine somebody talked about building. The way you talk about step and dance. I'm like no, I'm not trying to be no hater, I love that you found a passion. I'm like, yes, go mom. So, yeah, we'd be like, let me tell you about my fitness class. And then, lady, I'm rough. She made a mistake, mom.
Speaker 1:All right, everybody gets a good pre. Loves to dance? Okay.
Speaker 2:Hey, listen, you've talked about this like 100,000 times in this one podcast, bro.
Speaker 1:Cuz this the questions, and then this is crazy, no but listen, bob.
Speaker 2:Listen the next question, right. What have you created and brought into the world?
Speaker 1:I'm not going to say that. I wasn't going to say that You're sick.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, mom when have you felt most energized? When I'm teaching other people, and it doesn't have to just be step, even at work, when I'm teaching people about systems or a new tool. I like teaching people. I figure that I do not want to be an instructor of, like a college or middle school teacher or something like that. I do not aspire to do that, but I do enjoy teaching someone a new skill you can see, you know, like the joy on their face when they, like you know, like master something or they, you know, complete something. You can see, like you know, being a part of that journey. It's cool. So it's not just about dance, it's just it's about giving others something and holding them accountable. So that's what I was going to say, jayla. So what about you when you felt energized when you're sleeping?
Speaker 2:I want to wake up from a good nap. Yes, actually, I feel the most energized. I actually surprisingly when I'm like providing I think that may be one of my love languages like acts of service. I really, really, really feel so happy and in like, oh, I'm doing this for them, Like I'm doing this out the kindness of my heart. Yeah, when I'm doing something for somebody else, I feel so good about it.
Speaker 1:Like? What kinds of things Do you mean? Like in, like your job? No, people I love, okay.
Speaker 2:And you know what y'all. Let me tell you something that's really disrespectful of Marcel, and I hope you listen into this podcast part, but you just turned the vacuum on while we're trying to do a podcast and I'm going to leave this part in, just so y'all know what I do it, yeah, and then he huffing and puffing.
Speaker 1:Oh God.
Speaker 2:But yeah, like like I don't know, like, especially if it's like if it's your birthday, I love to like go and like I don't know what it is. It just gives me so much like joy that it like energizes me for like maybe two days and I'm done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, yeah, so more volunteer.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like I don't like them people.
Speaker 1:So would you sign up for volunteer? I definitely listen.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to put on my number's gonna put on my resume, but you didn't do it.
Speaker 1:Yes, I did. You don't know who's listening. I doubt they're listening. You never know. You didn't do anything yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did, because it's already on my resume. So you stop this. You're going down first Next question.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay mom, this is my question.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:Okay, I haven't done anything, though.
Speaker 2:What have you created and brought into the world?
Speaker 1:From childhood to now.
Speaker 2:Me, Yo kids. That the answer.
Speaker 1:I mean, what have I created? I mean, these are kind of the only things I've created is you and then brother. But I think also I have created like for others or something that the rest of the world can tap into. Is I do? I really do find myself as someone who it has created a sense of like, peace and belonging for others and personally and professionally, I have brought that into the world and I feel really good about that and I hope to bring in more of that. Like one day I want to be in the woods and I want to lead a retreat of wild women and I want them all to like, scream and cry together and do I don't know do things Like I want to bring women together to find peace and friendship, connection, whatever else. Yeah, life's going to be some things, but yeah, you don't feel like you've created or brought anything. You have. What if I created maybe not created, but you brought into the world peace? I'm not Understanding.
Speaker 2:Player, playerism self-awareness You're not proud of that I'm always proud, proud, of everything I do.
Speaker 1:Well, that's good, he should be Excuse me. Well, that was the end of our Q&A. I do just want to leave off with a couple of practices in order to develop a sense of self and build self-worth, and so this comes from mindorg mind M-I-N-D dot org. And number one is get to know yourself, what makes you happy, what you value in life. Get to know those things and make them a part of your regular practices. Two try to challenge unkind thoughts about yourself. If you're ever feeling down and saying you know I look ugly today or I think I'm feeling a little too big, whatever, like I'm beautiful, I'm loved, I'm good and I'm going to go for a run, or whatever, you're kind of challenging against yourself. Three, very similar to stay positive things to yourself. You know I am beautiful, I am smart, I am intelligent, I am welcoming, I am peace, all of these things.
Speaker 1:Practice saying no and remember that no is a complete sentence. No does not have to have an explanation. You know, usually when we say yes, there's nothing that follows. If somebody asks us to do something, we say yeah. We don't explain why we're saying yeah. Right, so if you say no, you don't need to say oh no, I'm sorry because I have this other thing. No, I'm sorry, I already you know. No, you heard us silent. That was it Four. I'm sorry, that was four or five.
Speaker 1:Try to avoid comparing yourself to others. You, you, you, you, especially in the era of social media where everybody is, you know, putting up life as they want to do, life as they want it to be seen, not saying that everybody fake on social media, but no one, or very few people, are going to show you the bad. They're going to show you the good, the glitz, the glam, the shiny, the bright. So if you're constantly saying, man, I wish I had a life like that man, I wish I had a family like that man I wish, instead of wishing and putting that on yourself, go do it, go be that person, go find that family, go find that life.
Speaker 1:And then the final thing is do something nice for yourself in every, every day. I mean five minutes. You could do some deep, some mindful breaths, some deep breathing. That's something good for yourself. Five minutes in a day, once a week. Go get a massage, go take a walk, go get together with friends. You know, it's just something good for yourself. Go get a you know a haircut or a mani pedi or a facial or things like that. Like, if you think of all the hours we have in a day, there's time for you, so remember to make time for yourself and and and do something good, and that's it. I will be sure that we link these resources, some of the questionnaires and the resources and the links that we talked about today in the show notes for your reference and, as always, like comment, subscribe, keep a lookout for us. Wednesdays or a new episode drop. Jaila, do you have any parting words?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:She's so extra. All right, y'all take care, be at peace, be good to one another. We'll see you next time.
