Let's Talk Later
Let's Talk Later
2023 Dating Advice: Jaylah the GURU
What if you had a secret roadmap to navigate through the complex labyrinth of modern dating? Buckle up, because we're about to chart a course through an intricate exploration of the gender dynamics, shifting expectations, and evolving norms that are redefining the world of dating. Join us as we venture into an animated conversation about a man who leaves a woman with the bill on a date—a story that unravels thought-provoking viewpoints on entitlement and the currencies of dating.
Confidence, as they say, is the key. But how does it play a role in flirting and dating? Let's decode the mysteries of the perfect approach, the magic of eye contact, and the importance of celebrating male energy in relationships. We share anecdotes, observations, and advice, serving up a potent cocktail of dating wisdom. Along the way, we tackle the complexities of changing gender roles and the paramount importance of open communication in relationships.
As we draw towards the end of this enlightening journey, we drift into the more somber aspects of relationships. Living together, setting boundaries, dealing with the end of a relationship—each has its own unique challenges. We impart insights on handling these situations with grace and ensuring a healthy, honest dialogue when things aren't working. Our conversation wraps up with an exploration of the importance of therapy, understanding your partner's sexual history, and moving forward post-breakup. Get ready to uncover truths that might change your view of modern dating forever, and join us for a ride through the exhilarating and sometimes bumpy road of love and relationships.
Hello everyone, good afternoon, good morning, good evening, depending on where you are in the world. I welcome back to let's Talk Later. I am your host, capri.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jaila.
Speaker 1:Got a little different spin every day. Today I thought it would be really fun to do a little interview on our host over here, jaila, because like what do y'all say Low-key? She kind of thinks she's like an expert on relationships a little bit. I think she might say no, but I think she thinks she knows some stuff. So we're going to ask some questions today about relationship advice to Miss Jaila. How do you feel about that? It's not a surprise. I told you this was good.
Speaker 2:I do not think I am a relationship expert.
Speaker 1:So what do you call it?
Speaker 2:I'm a relationship guru.
Speaker 1:Oh, she's a guru Excuse me, the relationship guru. Today, people will be answering some questions and giving her perspective on the dating scene, so I have some questions for her, and these questions are prompt questions and it's usually going to lead us into some discussion. I want to start off actually it's kind of like perfect time, honestly with the topic of today of 2023 relationships, I guess, if you will. I saw this video on Instagram and it was this girl. Supposedly this guy had been like for two weeks. He'd been like texting her and talking to himself. She never responded to him. She didn't block him for whatever, who knows why. And so he texted her one day and he was like hey, let's you know, can we meet for drinks? She was bored, she had time, and so she had a meter at this oyster spot in Atlanta and she said they so good, the oysters are the bomb. And so supposedly they met up.
Speaker 1:In the video she never shows his face or his hand, arm, foot, shoe, nothing. So I'm suspicious if it was just for content or not. But hey, and she orders like four platters of oysters and some potatoes and some crab cakes, thinking she about to, you know, win a meal for the free. I guess she was like you know, I don't care. You know she basically has no interest in this dude. Obviously she ain't been responding to any of his messages, but she thought she was going to get a free meal. And then she says, after she slurps 30,000 times, I'm sorry, I have like a auditory thing. She said he went to the bathroom and then left, like he skipped the bill and she had to pay the bill herself and then she had texted him.
Speaker 1:She was like, wow, skipping out on the tab is crazy. And he was like I invited you for drinks. I didn't expect you to order all that food. I'll cash out for you for the food. I'll cash out for you for the drinks. And she upset what are you like? What's your reaction to that?
Speaker 2:Have you seen it first of all? No, I've not seen that.
Speaker 1:Okay, what's your reaction to that?
Speaker 2:Oh, women are weird, that is so weird.
Speaker 1:Why Like, say more like?
Speaker 2:that's so weird because if the shoe is on the other foot and a man first of all, first of all you talk to yourself. I'm not going out nowhere with you if I'm talking to myself, I'm not even going to talk to myself After you don't respond to. The first one is raps. I might unsend the message. I'm going to delete it so I don't feel embarrassed. But then I invite you out for drinks and you think that I'm finna, like just automatically just care this bill Like sort of you ate autumn nasty oysters. Pay that bill, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I agree that was that should even like them. No, so I'm definitely not paying for nothing.
Speaker 2:He ain't getting no koochie, neither. No, he left Exactly, he knew he didn't want that.
Speaker 1:That's just like I don't know if it's just social media or the things I see, but I feel like the way people date, it's just or not even day, just the way the eyes are, just the way the opposite sexes engage with one another, it's just so different than I don't know. I guess, when I was dating, like it's like spin on me, you know, run up, run up, run up, a check, you know, like I'm trying to get the bag, like it's all about what you can do for somebody else. That's what. That's how I perceive it, like what can you do for me? Like there was another video where this girl was going off on social media because dude wouldn't cut her state. She said you invited me to dinner, cut my steak.
Speaker 2:Like what's that word? Mom Entitlement? Yes, yeah, this generation, everyone feels entitled to luxuries they can't even afford themselves, like men feel not every not every man, but a good chunk of men feel entitled to goes between your legs. And women feel entitled to what's in your pockets.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's almost like I mean, if you both feel this way, okay, because I feel like if you ask it for you know what I'm saying and I'm asking for some money because I think that women and men operate in two different currencies.
Speaker 2:You know how men think oh, having a lot of females and being a player and all this stuff that holds a lot of value to them to be respected and worshiped, I guess, by women. And then women think like you know what, I want to have all this money because I want to have my hair done, I want to have my nails done, I want to do this. And if they're operating in these currencies that have a lot of value to them because a lot of women unfortunately feel like they find their value in men, if they have a high value man, then that adds value to them, not every woman, not every situation, but a good chunk of it. So it's kind of like okay, well, I'm not sitting here cutting nobody's steak because you a grown man, but I can't be mad about it, like I can't be like oh man, that's crazy because, hey, I mean, everybody operated in what they think is valuable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I definitely agree with that. And just as far as, like, the entitlement of the man to the guji grounds, I feel like that's always been. Yeah, I feel like that's the whole. I feel like what's new is women's entitlement to your money. I feel like that's new, or it's elevated, it's increased, but I feel like dudes have always felt entitled to sex, always. And yeah, I don't know if it's going to change, but yeah, so, yeah, I just thought those videos were ignorant and hilarious at the same time, so I wanted to share. So let's jump into the questions. So, jaila, first question In your opinion, what are the top three worst traits that you've noticed in men and women dating today? Bro, I guess we've kind of mentioned a couple of them.
Speaker 2:Yeah like for both of them, like shared traits or separate traits.
Speaker 1:Separate traits.
Speaker 2:Okay for men. I've been noticing a lot of men lack like. Men want everything just kind of handed to them now. They don't expect a lot of like pushback or a challenge. It's kind of like just be docile and submissive to me and we're gonna be good. This new quote, unquote era of sassy men. They say Like. A lot of people are like oh, we're in the era of sassy men. Like I wouldn't say that men are being sassy. I think men are trying to flip the script and now they're trying to be like oh well, if I have to get you flowers, you need to get me flowers too. This is very like. This is happening. Yeah, so men are trying to now flip the script. They're trying to be whatever that is.
Speaker 2:Another trait that I've been noticing is this whole new like like situation where literally just some a little boy said this yesterday. He's a little boy because he's younger to me. He was on the phone, not me and him, but like me and my sister, he probably don't know who he is. He gonna say that this one situation made him never wanna be loved again. And I'd be feeling like men when they get hurt once it's raps like I'm never doing this again and I'm gonna play every female from now on because this one woman hurt my heart and it's like, bro, you're being so dramatic and now this one situation has ruined 10 females because this one woman, I don't know. I think that could go both ways too, because when women get hurt, they start saying like oh, I'm gonna dog you before you dog me Now.
Speaker 2:This is another trait that I'm seeing amongst women is that women don't wanna be women anymore, but then they wanna get treated like women, like they're like super independent, they're hyper independent. They sit on Instagram and be like I don't need a man for nothing. All men ain't poop X, y and Z, but then they want a man to take them out and cut their steak and open the car door and do all this and it's like no offense. But if you're not acting like a lady, I'm not gonna treat you like a lady, or the same other on the other foot. If you're acting like a man, if you acting like my girlfriend, I'm gonna treat you like you're my girlfriend. I'm gonna open a door for you now, mm. I believe in gender roles.
Speaker 1:So I've never heard of the sassy man Like does that have anything to do with sexuality?
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no it's like like men, being more like emotional, I guess. Or like this new thing that's going around on like Instagram and stuff, is have you ever been blocked by a man? People be saying like if you get blocked by a man, you have to have done something super bad or something like that. And me personally. I've been blocked by many men, so I don't know what I've been doing wrong. I just think that people like to block people, don't matter your gender, I like to block people too.
Speaker 1:That's hilarious. You've been blocked by many men.
Speaker 2:Many men, many men.
Speaker 1:Many men Great, yeah, okay, okay, yeah, no, no, I agree with that. I feel like, as far as, like you mentioned, like role switching and like kind of wanting to be treated as a woman or a man in whatever aspect, but not acting as such, and I feel like I don't know if it was like 19 keys who said it or someone but basically how the energy shifts are changing as far as, like, women are having to, or feeling like they have to, step up and be stronger, be emotionally, physically stronger. You're seeing more women in jobs that were traditionally male, dominant, like construction workers and auto mechanics, and you're seeing women in these positions at growing rates. And you're seeing a lot of stay-at-home dads or dads or just men who stay at home and kind of are softer, and everybody.
Speaker 1:There's multiple perspectives and opinions with everything, but there are people who believe that the energy is shifting and not for the betterment of kind of our societies. So I think that's an interesting is an interesting concept, and I can see how that would happen because, unfortunately for a lot of us, I feel like, especially my generation and the generation before me, parents weren't emotionally intelligent and so raised children who were confused and raised children who were entitled, even though you didn't have to be born with a silver spoon, as they say, be born in wealth and whatnot, to feel that entitlement anymore. It's not just the rich anymore who feel entitled, it's the whoever, it's the Tom James Whitney's, anybody, it's like. No, this is what I want and I deserve and I should have this. So, yeah, okay. Next question, it's 1111. I always like to note that If someone wanted to approach the opposite sex, then you find man or woman, you find someone attractive and you wanna approach them. What advice would you give them to initiate contact?
Speaker 1:Do what you gotta do bro what you mean, what if they're nervous? What if they're afraid of rejection? Then you better stop it.
Speaker 2:Don't talk to people. I feel like if you are nervous or anything like that and you're afraid of rejection, something is going on deeper than that. You lack confidence, low self-esteem. Let me tell you something I don't get nervous and I'm not saying you're saying I'm beyond saying nothing. But if I want it, I'll want it.
Speaker 1:Okay. So how would you initiate contact? Say you saw somebody, say you and your girls was at a little lounge or something you saw doing. You was like hmm, I'm going up to them.
Speaker 2:What's up with you?
Speaker 1:You're gonna walk up to them.
Speaker 3:You're gonna do that little hand roll?
Speaker 1:thing.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, I don't do that in front of dudes for real With my head.
Speaker 2:I be doing it. It's all in the eyes, though.
Speaker 3:You gotta think about what you want, okay, and I won't choose.
Speaker 2:So you gonna see you in my eyes and that's what's gonna get them. They're gonna be like oh man. So you just walk up to them. Many times, I've done that many times.
Speaker 1:So what if they be like ah nah show up Never happened. Oh, okay, oh, excuse me.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying I'm beyond saying nothing. I'm just saying when you greet yourself and you show you come off as confident and reassured and kinda like, hey, what's up with everybody, okay, they automatically be like, well, what's up with you?
Speaker 1:Do you also slide in the DM?
Speaker 2:Oh for surely that is hilarious. I'm on there I'm like why don't I rise? You look good. Okay, I like the way you laugh.
Speaker 1:So this is the compliment you throw. Yes, okay, so that's one tip. Compliment the person.
Speaker 2:Compliment him Okay, you look so good today. It worked every time.
Speaker 1:It's from my daughter. It's crazy. My mom seen it first in. I slept on this new story.
Speaker 2:And I was like you look good. He talking about something You've been opposed to be my girlfriend. I did?
Speaker 1:She did it in my face and I was like wait, what it worked every time no-transcript. The dude initiates this contact. I'm not coming up to you, no matter what. I'm sorry, I don't know. I just flat out say it.
Speaker 2:You look good. Okay, you look great, great, or. I'll be like why are you recording this video? I should be recording it. Oh, okay, I'm narrow-witching Day. Day Next. You know I'm getting invited, I'm dead.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, so with that then. So, since you feel like you know, just do it, man or woman or other identifier. Hey, what about proposals?
Speaker 2:Oh no, I told you, I believe in gender roles.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm proposing so, man, that's his job.
Speaker 2:Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, big bro.
Speaker 1:Okay, you would never drop that knee. I ain't dropping, no knee.
Speaker 2:Okay, I might stand up.
Speaker 1:So you might propose.
Speaker 2:We could stand up. No, no, no, he gonna propose first. But I feel like dudes deserve a little. You know what I'm saying something, something Like oh, you proposed to me, it's all. I'll be feeling like relationships are always about the woman, like I don't. I think that's why a lot of dudes don't care to be in relationships, because the woman gets all the everything.
Speaker 2:She gets the yeah, like the balloons in the hotel room. And she get gifts on Valentine's Day and she get proposed to and then the wedding's usually about her and all he get is a bachelor party, and she get a bridal party and then a disc party and then the baby shower, and then it's like bro, what about the dudes? Bro, like spice up a little bit.
Speaker 3:I ain't gonna.
Speaker 2:you don't want a knee for them. I'm like I got you a ring too, babe, you're so stupid.
Speaker 1:No, I agree. I think that men should be celebrated more. I totally agree with that. I feel like the word vulnerability has been coming up a lot in this book I'm reading or listening to. It's an audible called Platonic. These classes I'm taking for coaching and just vulnerability, vulnerability, vulnerability, it's just coming up a lot, and the fact that men are slowly coming into, you know the that space, I oh wait, I can be vulnerable without looking like a be-ah, you know, or looking like a wuss or whatever, or what you know, without getting torn down by my friends or my female or whatever. And so, yeah, I feel like celebration of the male energy is necessary and it is important. So I definitely agree with that. I think that's a great point. Okay, next question what do you think makes a successful relationship?
Speaker 2:I've never really had one, so but what I can, you know, think communication is key.
Speaker 2:You have to be able to communicate and communication I think honestly, in my opinion, you can, as long as you have communication, it's gonna be successful.
Speaker 2:Because if you communicate about what you need, what you don't like, what you want and this, like a lot of people, I think, feel like communicating is like this oh, we talk, like I feel like communication is isn't just over having a conversation, it's actually understanding and like empathizing and trying to like create common ground. Because obviously I think that's where I've went wrong a lot of the times in my situations is that I had this like oh well, if you can't give me what I want, then I'ma just leave, instead of saying, well, dang, like maybe I'm not giving you what you want either, because I'm so focused on what I want that we're not giving for each other. And as much as you may think that like, oh, I'm a great person, I'm a great partner to have, you know, I've done a lot of self reflection I'm not. Yeah, somebody told me I'm just like my dad and that I like to just buy people, and I think that is very much true, not no, moto.
Speaker 1:Yeah, somebody told you did, they know your dad.
Speaker 2:How do they say that?
Speaker 1:Is that your interpretation?
Speaker 2:No, no, no. They said that I act like my dad.
Speaker 1:Did they know your dad?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's what you're saying oh no, like I would explain you know how. Like when you talk to people about like things that go into your life and like oh, they made me feel like X, y and Z. At this person turn around, I was like oh, you make me feel that same exact way that your dad makes you feel.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Was that like a uh-huh epiphany?
Speaker 2:type moment. It was definitely a slap in the face. It felt like, because I feel like that's the not anymore. Let me not say that, but it used to be a very big offense when people would say that I reminded them of my dad or that you know, oh, you act just like your dad. It would be like, why would you say that? But now, like, I don't take offense to it, obviously, we've talked many times that you become people you don't want to be like, because you're so focused on what not to be that you end up being that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true. I've never gotten told that in a relationship, but a family member did tell me that when I got upset. I reminded them of my dad.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that was an epiphany moment for me. I changed a lot, or I started to try to change, without acknowledging the appropriate tools required for change of self. So, yeah, that's important to reflect when somebody brings you something, don't maybe try not to automatically get offended, because there definitely could be some truth in that and some growth opportunity for you. So, okay, next question how long do you think the dating or talking phase should last? And I think, because we talked about this in a previous episode, like, I think, for your generation, right, dating and talking is different. Okay, so maybe you can provide perspective on each one of them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we kind of did In a previous episode, kind of touched on it. But dating is okay. We're going out in public now, like now we're being seen by other people. It's a little gray because you could be talking to other people and talking is just the act of getting to know one another. You guys might FaceTime, you guys might text, you know DM or something, but you guys don't really hang out like we're talking. It's completely different than dating, because dating you finally go outside the talking stage. I only need like two months of talking, okay, one to two months, and then I know if I want to start going outside with you. If we make it to that outside stage, you got three months, bro, three months of dating, like going outside, seeing each other, being around other people. After that three months, if we're not together, bro, we probably would never be together because now I'm bored.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's pretty short yeah.
Speaker 2:No, that's not. That's like six months almost Okay, that's short.
Speaker 1:No, I don't know. I mean, I guess I never thought about how long I feel like it should last, but that just feels short.
Speaker 3:I feel like you know We've been dating for three months I know and we're together now.
Speaker 2:No, we've been talking for one to two months.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Two months really. Okay, and then we're dating for three months, that's five months, that's sixth month. If you don't see nothing with me or we're not progressing towards you know, oh, now we're gonna be exclusive. We're only gonna get to know each other, or if that conversation never even happens, it's raps. I'm already thinking about the next thing. Okay, you lost me.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Let me go Okay.
Speaker 1:So dating, so talking, then dating then official no exclusive. Exclusive. Yeah, then official.
Speaker 2:Then official? Oh my God. Exclusive means that there is no one else, it is just me and you, and you have to have that conversation. You have to have it. You have to sit there and look at each other and say we not talking to nobody else, right? We not yeah?
Speaker 3:make that agreement?
Speaker 2:Yep yes, once that agreement is made, now you're exclusive. Now it's like, okay, if I get embarrassed I can key your car, oh.
Speaker 1:Please don't key anyone's car I'm gonna do it. Okay, maybe not. Just you know, maybe talk about it no because we just had to talk.
Speaker 2:That's it. That one conversation is all we need.
Speaker 1:That's irrational anger.
Speaker 2:It's not irrational anger. You just embarrassed me. See, there's a difference, though Embarrassment can only come if you do it in the public. What's? The public knows that you cheated on me and you've been messing around on me. Oh, it's over with. Oh, my God yeah if I find out you cheated on the low, all right, let me go.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm gonna leave Gotcha Publicly.
Speaker 1:I gotta do something public. Maybe just put some Vaseline on the windows. Don't key the car. What? Rip his windshield wipers off. Okay, so question them During the period of exclusivity If they talked or if they, if someone else is in the picture, that's cheating. Yes, but you're not official. But we're exclusive.
Speaker 2:We're together, like, okay, you my man, but you're not my man, like it makes it. It's very difficult. I don't know why it's this way, but this is just how life is right now. Okay, okay, okay, if we're exclusive, that means that, hey, you know what? It's almost like a trial. It's like a seven day trial period. We're going to see if we could really be like boyfriend and girlfriend. Okay, because once you go boyfriend and girlfriend now it's not just over being seen out in public. No, now we're a unit. And now I'm probably going to post your Instagram. I'm probably going, you know, you probably going to really like meet my family for real, for real, like that exclusives. You remember when I was exclusive with you met him, right, I don't know what happened. He ain't like the trial, I guess he didn't like me Like the trial.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it just makes it. I guess it's complicated. Yeah, it's complicated. It's like we trying to see if it worked. But if it do, it do, then we do together for roof rule.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:So two months in the talking phase, three months in the dating phase, how long in the exclusive phase?
Speaker 2:You know I spend a lot of time in that phase myself. Oh, jaila would have said hey, take out of a long unique Jaila now. No, honey, it's already like we already six months in, if by that one year mark of like the entire system. So I guess maybe six months of us like being exclusive If there's nothing, there's no officialness, after that one year. I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe we, we just it's not going to work, but I feel like you're being exclusive for so long.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And now you're just acting like a girlfriend without being a girlfriend, so now it's time to go.
Speaker 1:That's where the lines get blurred. Yep, one year, okay. Because then there's that, that next step, step right where it's like from girlfriend to wife, if that's you know what happens. Cause I've been seeing so many videos and clips about relationships and there was this I guess it's this couple, maybe some kind of a therapy session maybe and the guy was like you know, my complaints are she doesn't. You know, she doesn't cook, she doesn't clean. You know what kind of woman is that? And she was like you're expecting wife.
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:Out of me and I'm I'm still a girlfriend and you know I'm not going to do that. Like, my title is girlfriend, so I'll cook sometimes and I'll clean sometimes, but I'm not your wife and so, like, who do you think is wrong in that situation?
Speaker 2:Bruh as a woman, as a woman. This is why I say I I totally support and back some gender roles, because, as a woman, you cook and you clean, sometimes like bro, do you eat? Like when do you eat, bro? Like that's, that's, I don't know Always feel like. That's why, when you're exclusive with someone, you, you, you're, how do I know? Like what, if I marry you and you can't cook and I can't either, and now we both eat? Now all the time, and now we've got another bill.
Speaker 1:Bro yeah.
Speaker 2:And so if I live with you, how do I? I need to see your like your, your cleanliness. I'm not going to marry someone that's dirty and and don't know how to properly vacuum or that's. That's what being a girlfriend really sort of kind of is a girlfriend or boyfriend is a trial to see if I want to be with you the rest of my life.
Speaker 1:For sure, for sure.
Speaker 2:So cooking and cleaning is an everyday human essential. It's a need. We need to cook and we need to clean. And you telling me that I got to marry you for you to cook and clean.
Speaker 1:But can't he cook and clean too?
Speaker 2:Oh, for sure, but that wasn't what the video was saying, or that's not what you said. What you said was that she's not cooking and cleaning.
Speaker 1:She doesn't.
Speaker 2:She doesn't, which means someone is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which.
Speaker 2:Which means that he probably is cooking. Hopefully somebody, hopefully Someone is.
Speaker 1:And it also wasn't clear if they lived together or not. I think that makes a difference, right? Yeah, so if you're a girlfriend and y'all just be spending weekends or nights or something at each other's houses on and off, no, it's not, it's. I feel like it's the person's responsibility, the visitor, I guess their responsibility to clean up behind themselves. But are you going to expect me to clean up at your house and I don't live here? Like, maybe I'll come back, oh, I'll cook us breakfast, you know, and I'm at your house or whatever. But Like, what else do you want from me? We don't live together.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I might have to disagree Simply because I didn't live with my past situation, but it was like I knew how busy he could get and how busy his schedule could get. And I think, vice versa, he knew that, like I would be at work, I'd go to school, I'm doing this and if we did go to one another's house and I saw that, oh, like you know, this need to be wiped down or something, I'm going to just do it real quick because we're in this together. Like he would come to my house, cook, clean, pick up. You know he would help with storms, litter sometimes, like it's a, it's a expert exchange, like you know what.
Speaker 2:You see that this wasn't done. Okay, thanks for helping me out. I appreciate that you know things. We get busy, like, yeah, we don't live with each other, but you're my partner, so if I see that you know you need a little assistance here, I mean, obviously I'm not going to be the only one doing it. It's a fair exchange. But yeah, if I see, oh man, his table need to be wiped down real quick, I'm just wipe it Right, like it ain't that big of a deal. Now I'm not sitting here saying I'm about to fold your clothes, wash your clothes, do all that. But why not? And I don't see the what's wrong with that.
Speaker 1:I guess maybe sometimes I don't know I mean honestly kind of sad. I don't know it's sad. I've never been in that situation. It's always been them coming to my house. I'm so sorry about everything, so I've not been in that situation. Well, yeah, if it was their house like they lived with someone, like I was younger, so they still live with their parents, or something like that you always been a shelter.
Speaker 1:Oh man Gosh, Now I don't even know how to come back from that. Okay, hold on, Pause and rewind everybody. That's kind of a mess.
Speaker 3:Sorry.
Speaker 1:No, you're not. Anyways, if I were in that situation, I think maybe sometimes, but my first mind is to look at it and say, dang, you dirty. You should clean up after yourself, because if you come to my house, it's going to already be clean. Because even if I don't, I'm not going to say I clean every day, every single minute, every single hour. However, when I know that I have external guests coming, I clean up, I'm going to make sure that I'm clean, so that for me is like nah, you should be taking care of your stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, life happens. But if I know that somebody's coming to my house, I'm going to make sure it's clean. So I expect the same thing from someone I'm going to visit clean up your stuff. Because then that makes me feel like do you care about your appearance if you're allowing me to come over and you got a sink full of dishes and you got crumbs and stuff all on the floor Like do you care? I mean, maybe you're busy that day. I'm not going to just write you off and say, oh my God, you're what'd you call them Porter, and you're just nasty, but I am going to be like huh, do you go off and you be cleaning up? Because for me that's very singular. If we don't live together, that's showing me how you care for your space already before we move in, because then that helps kind of. I feel like that would help make the decision about is this long term? Because how do you upkeep yourself as an individual? Because you have to bring those individualistic behaviors into this couple.
Speaker 2:So but then Dang shelter. Sorry, bro, lower sir keys, you've been a shelter on the lowest of keys.
Speaker 1:I ain't let nobody else live with me before.
Speaker 2:I didn't. No one lived with me. They were there all the time.
Speaker 1:They were there all the time, you're right.
Speaker 2:I walked in my house and they had one of my blankets.
Speaker 1:This is my house.
Speaker 2:Get out Please. Trumb alert.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, don't be sorry, it's what I did man. I'm sorry, I want to hug you. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:here man.
Speaker 1:What were they doing?
Speaker 2:They were watching TV on the couch. I literally walked in after a hard day of school. Are you chilling?
Speaker 3:Imagine like yeah.
Speaker 1:It's after a hard day of work coming and seeing. Yeah, maybe that's another episode.
Speaker 2:You got the decision. I remember it was a brown, green and blue cover. I think we got it from Walmart or something.
Speaker 1:I think it was Stripes or something.
Speaker 2:It was like a weird pattern, maybe diamonds or something like that. I'm like wow.
Speaker 3:That's my cover.
Speaker 2:You went in there and grabbed anything you seen. You got Leo Big.
Speaker 3:You're a one cup. You're a one cup Just.
Speaker 2:How you make Kool-Aid for yourself. You made Kool-Aid.
Speaker 1:And not the pre-mixed one. The big pack that was already sweetened, the little packs made a single little pack and some sugar in one cup Made Kool-Aid For himself, Naturally people make the pitcher right For the house. Sir made one single cup.
Speaker 1:One cup man. You know there's a blessing in every lesson. I made some mistakes, you know. You look back on them, exes, and be like what, why Let them go? I mean, there's nothing I could do to change it, it happened, it's in the past and you move forward. So but to the cleaning, to what? I said about individualistic and all that, you had a response, I think.
Speaker 2:Sorry, the shoulder thing threw me off. Sorry, but no, for sure, for sure, but I feel like that's not an accurate representation of who you are, though. Either, though, because, say, I'm not going to sit here and say my house is clean every single second of the day, or, you know what, Our standards of clean do not match a lot of people's.
Speaker 3:No no.
Speaker 2:So right now I would say my room is dirty Because there's stuff that is out on like you give them sin, like it's not organized. It's kind of like there's little stuff all over my desk, there's little stuff all over there and it's just like this is not clean, but somebody else walking here they be like your room is clean.
Speaker 3:What are you talking about?
Speaker 2:And I'm like. You see what I'm saying. So it's like if you don't see me every day and the only time you do see me is when my room is super clean you're going to expect my room to be super clean all the time I know you like yeah, no, that could be an inaccurate representation of self.
Speaker 1:That's true. I mean, yes, that is true, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Like I said, it would just be a chip in the file, it wouldn't just be the determining factor but it would be something I would not put your business out there and nothing like that, but you know he pretty untidy sometimes.
Speaker 1:So, hey, you love him. This is correct. I do, it's true. Maybe if I would have saw his room, anyway, shelter You're going to get your life together.
Speaker 1:I'm going to find a name for you. You just hold on. We're going to move on to the next question. Okay, so we talked about relationships and official the five or four, whatever phases of today's relationships. So, ending relationships what are some tips that you would, would give the listeners and the people? So have you even given your friends to end a relationship going bad? Let it go. How not just do it, tell them.
Speaker 2:Tell them Say, look, it ain't working. You know me, I like to be nice to people. You know, when I'm done with you actually not when I'm done with you when, when I'm done with how you've been acting, I'll tell you like, look, I respect like what you got going on in your life. You know you got to be very respectful because these days people try to kill you if you leave. So you got to be nice.
Speaker 1:No I do?
Speaker 2:You got to be nice, you got to be like look, understand, you got a lot of stuff going on. You know what I'm saying. Maybe this ain't the right time for us because you know, I feel like my needs aren't being met and you know, and I feel like that gives someone a chance to like oh, it opens the door, kind of of like let's have a conversation about it, or they could just hit you with the okay and it's over. But it's like at least I gave you the chance to have closure by saying why I'm not a big fan of that whole ghosting thing. That's only if I just don't like you for real. And we were in a talking stage. Why do we need closure? We was just talking, yeah, but explaining like this is why it's not working. And I understand and I respect that. You got a lot going on. With that being said, I'm not getting X, y and Z, so I think we're done Okay.
Speaker 1:So just have a an open, honest conversation with the person you don't have to be a conversation.
Speaker 2:Have an open, honest statement that could lead to a conversation, okay, but you shouldn't expect a conversation, okay. Some people think like they're owed, like, oh, I need closure.
Speaker 3:Like why did you leave me?
Speaker 2:Well, I told you why. You didn't want to talk about it afterwards, and now I'm not giving you what I offered you at that time.
Speaker 1:So what if a person because I've, I've been guilty of, like, withholding information, so if something like not, I have grown, I have changed, but in order to not, or to avoid conflict or to not seem like a nag, I won't bring everything up, and then it'll build, and it'll build, and it'll build, and then, three months down the line, of course, there's an explosion right and it's like, at that point, the person is like where did this come from? You didn't tell me that you had a problem with this, while, of a sudden, is it at this critical point where it's like you want, to you want to end the relationship, Sorry.
Speaker 1:So what do you do? Like, what about that? Because then it's like I need closure because you never told me anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I mean that's where if yeah, you never gave it a fair shot, like that's not fair. Because if you've been feeling some type of way the heck you get me If you've been feeling some type of way about things that are obviously going to lead to you getting fed up and wanting to be done, you should have said something about it. Then. Don't say nothing about it now, because I didn't know, and you know what that person that you left and you did that to they won. That's what I would tell them.
Speaker 1:Okay, you dodged the bullet honey, what?
Speaker 2:Probably Because you can't even see her and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Like me and my friends have this conversation now, Like if I did something that made you feel a type of way you need to tell me in this moment. Do not tell me two months from now because, guess what, I'm not gonna respect it and I'm not gonna listen to it. Because if I'm not like, for example, right If I picked my nose today and I picked my nose again, but then six months later you'd be like this one time you picked your nose and it really made me mad I'm gonna be like girl when I picked my nose in six months. Now you're lying, you give me a saying. It's like bringing up in that moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, that's for sure, and that's definitely me. Now I'm just. I said I've been guilty of, but then so do does that person, because I've seen people like riddled with grief because they don't get closure. So in that situation it's like they're demanding closure because it came out of left field, they didn't know what was going on. And then this person is like I don't wanna talk about it because I've let it boil to this point of no return. And then they're like depressed and in grief because they've lost this relationship that meant so much to them and they were blindsided. So, like, what do you even do with that? Go get you some therapy.
Speaker 2:They're right, it's just a therapy, because there's something deeper than that, because, let me tell you something, if somebody leaves you and they don't wanna be with you, why is it that we automatically think? We're the problem Like this person couldn't communicate, this person couldn't understand and see how much you were trying to make it work. So if anything you dodged a bullet, let it go. It might be easier said than done, but what are we gonna do? Dwell on it all our life. Let that thing go and go get you some help.
Speaker 1:That's true. That could be like an attachment thing, Like if you have trouble letting go of things and moving on from people, you need to definitely look at the kind of attachment you have in the wise and, as you said, get some therapy. Okay. So next question we are at our. We had a few sub questions, but we have three more questions to go. How many X's are too many? And when we say X's, these are official relationships, not talking, not dating, I guess not even exclusive, but that's great. So what would you say? Say you're in your early 20s and the number, like a guy, was like, oh, I've been in this many relationships. What number is gonna make you say God?
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, it has a lot to do with your age. If you were in your early 20s younger than 25, and you've had more than five relationships, I'm scared of you because at this point you're just dating anybody More than five. More than five, so at about your age 22.
Speaker 2:25, by 22,. If you have more than like three, I'm kind of questioning you because I will. It starts about when you are dating. Like I'll say your first real, I'll count 16. So from 16 to 22, that's what's. How many years? Is that Six, six years, right? In six years you got to know and become super comfortable with five different people.
Speaker 1:In less than a year, because that's like a person a year.
Speaker 2:Yes, a year and a month or something. Every year you had a new person.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm confused. Or it was like oh, me and her dated for three months and then we wasn't together no more, and then I found somebody else. I'm just like that's too many. I feel like you're a serial cheater or a serial dator or something's wrong with you. You might be two steps away from serial killer, but that's a lot.
Speaker 1:Okay, so with that. Then, if somebody says so, it was still talking about early 20s and dating. So if somebody says that they have had, so they say they have had five relationships, how long do you think or how long is long enough in between relationships, like official relationships, do you think, in your opinion, is should you take a break and like before you move on to someone else?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just talking about this with Aliyah. We were looking up how long it takes to get over someone. Hey, aliyah.
Speaker 3:I'm weak.
Speaker 2:How long it takes to get over someone, and I think we said like like a couple, like seven months or something like that.
Speaker 1:Six to what do you mean?
Speaker 2:it Six to seven an article.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Like a little thing we was looking up. Okay, it takes like six to seven months, I think, for you to genuinely get over a relationship. And then it said it takes seven years for you to forget them.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I remember you were telling me about this and I was like golly, and I'm not saying you're saying that, oh, you needed six months on the dot because I checked out of a relationship or a situation months before we actually ended it. So my six months been having I was out of it once we said we done. I was like, oh, God bless, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:I just feel like as long as you sit in you process and you go through what you need to go through before you go and just hop into someone else, cause a lot of people have that ideology that oh, to get over this person, I just got to get under someone else. That ain't gonna work, baby.
Speaker 1:So with that, though, that brings up an interesting thought, like, if you're saying that you were checked out of a relationship months before it ended, do you really think that's where your clock started? Because what in you allowed you to check out of something but not physically check out of it? You don't think that's something that needs to be considered.
Speaker 2:Oh, no for sure. That's why I think it's up to the individual. Like me personally, that wasn't enough time, I think, like I'm still kind of some days I still process it and whatnot, but for some situations I don't care when we done talking. We done talking Cause it was never a foundation that was built between us. It was just whatever you just another dude.
Speaker 1:Okay, so from exes to sexes, what body count?
Speaker 3:is too high.
Speaker 1:What's the first off?
Speaker 3:what's the?
Speaker 1:highest body count. You've heard somebody like share and then what number is crazy by your age, with you know let's say 25 and.
Speaker 2:I know somebody who don't even know they body count. Somebody said they don't even, they wouldn't even be able to tell me. Because it was days that they were having sex three to four times with different people.
Speaker 3:Oh my God.
Speaker 2:And that in itself is crazy to me. Because, it's like do you believe in, like spiritual, like your energies? Like exchanging and stuff and they're like no, and I'm like, and that's why you are where you are, yeah. You're sick and you're confused. Realistically, though, cause that's not gonna be every case or a number my age, I'm 22. For a man, if he says anything over 10, I kind of second guess.
Speaker 1:Pause, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Once he says like 20, anything over 15, I'm not even gonna like touch you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 2:You know, my first like. Well, my first and only boyfriend told me like he has 17 bodies. Right, I'm notえ kid.
Speaker 1:That's crazy yeah.
Speaker 2:We didn't tell me that till later, so yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a lot. Okay. So what do you think? Because you know what they say. Well, I don't know if you know what they say, but I've always heard that when a man tells you how many bodies he's had, you like subtract, you know some number because they say men tend to exaggerate. And then if a woman tells you how many, you know, it's a pie or buy two or something like that.
Speaker 2:I had three a phone. Yeah, no, I know some people Okay, I believe in that somewhat because I know some females. They be like, oh, I have three, it's like their favorite number, and then it make everybody else be like, oh, I really got three, like I'm not. I don't know what makes you. How can I tell you how to tell the truth? Yeah, I know some females that Be out here and lie About here capping. I'm like, bro, wasn't you just for Jimmy yesterday?
Speaker 1:Little liar.
Speaker 2:But, dudes, probably, they probably be capping, they probably be capping Everybody probably be capping. Everybody, I wish we could have it like on our foreheads. No, oh, okay, never mind.
Speaker 1:Maybe in our pocket, no Like on our hip.
Speaker 2:On our forehead, though, but only the people that we want to have sex with. Go see it.
Speaker 1:No on our hip, cause that mean, I'm getting, I'm getting undressed. So then you can really see.
Speaker 2:No, like, only like, it don't just show to everybody.
Speaker 1:Like your mama. Don't see the. I keep what you say Only people you want to have sex with.
Speaker 2:Like y'all got to agree to share your numbers.
Speaker 1:Then it show up on your forehead. Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:That'll keep people honest though. Hey, keep you honest and keep you safe.
Speaker 1:So do you feel like that number, like like if some guy like you meet, you meet, you not meet, you get to the exclusive phase and they like how many people have you been with?
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm knowing that from the jump Ain't no exclusive Huh.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're not waiting to the exclusive. I'm finding out that out.
Speaker 2:I'm finding that out soon.
Speaker 1:So you want that information from the jump.
Speaker 2:I don't you know what. I don't want it, but like I want to know if you'll tell me.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so do you feel like that should be shared?
Speaker 2:Like no Cause. Now I'm going to think every time we walk past a female and be like she probably wanted a 23.
Speaker 1:That's too many, so that's so, just so, if the person says, yeah, I'll tell you, do you want to know? You'll be like, okay, no, I just wanted to know if you will tell me.
Speaker 2:No, I don't even ask, like if it just comes up. They like, hey, okay, if they like, how many bodies you got? I'm like oh, x, y and Z. And they like, oh, yeah, me too, I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:So you don't believe them anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:But like, if it comes up like oh, how many bodies you got, they got to be the one to initiate it, because, I want to know if they, if like what they got going on too. But if it never comes up, that means it's probably something I don't want to know.
Speaker 1:Okay. Do you feel like that matters in a relationship, like the number of people you slept with you, not you being a general? No.
Speaker 2:Anybody.
Speaker 1:No, no Okay.
Speaker 2:Not in test results.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, for sure.
Speaker 2:I need to see them.
Speaker 1:The test results matter. Yeah, I feel like too. I mean, there may be other tellers in your personality, right, but if if someone is truly authentic and honest with their answer and they do say it's been 15 people, then I feel like that tells you something about them. Like someone would see that as a very flag. You just hopping around from bed to bed and really don't care about connection. So do I really want to entertain?
Speaker 2:you. Yes, I know, okay, people have one nightstands all the time.
Speaker 1:I find that wild. I don't Okay. So I don't even know if that's actually a question, so I've never, I wouldn't share with you anyway. But I have nothing to share because I've never had a one nightstand. I feel like that's crazy. Like how can you go and be like I just met you and I'm about to go and sleep with you, Like I don't know you?
Speaker 2:Maybe they look too good.
Speaker 1:No, that's not, I would have one with Drake.
Speaker 2:We ain't talking about Drake. Well, that means I would have one, though.
Speaker 1:Okay, I would have one with Drake. Okay, I mean, it's true. I mean you probably feel like you know Drake a little bit, like I know your son.
Speaker 3:I know your mama name you probably feel like you know, drake a little bit.
Speaker 1:But you just randomly meet this person you've never seen in your life and you go home with them. Like that to me is just like a mind blown, Like I'm just I don't know, I just don't I can't put that together in my head, but to each their own and to whoever said they don't know, and three or four times in a day either. They're the largest investor in the condom business. Are they out here cutting up? They're out there cutting up. That's terrible, because this is how we get super diseases, super gonorrhea.
Speaker 2:I know you got it.
Speaker 1:They got super STDs that no longer respond to the initial treatments. We can't just be out here.
Speaker 2:Like any of the females. Stop having sex with everybody, because my homeboys be sending me pictures.
Speaker 1:Oh, not a damn, oh God pictures.
Speaker 2:One of my homeboys sent a picture of this girl pants that she left because she like bled, like I guess she got on her period, and he sent it to the group chat. It was like just nasty, I see how they'd be out here. Yeah, that right there Both.
Speaker 1:You shouldn't be sending pictures to the group chat.
Speaker 3:Why are you leaving?
Speaker 1:People like that and you shouldn't be hopping bad hopping and leaving your pants why do you leave them your? Period was on and you was going. What?
Speaker 2:Technically speaking, what he said was but that's a little X rated, so please don't Nothing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Um crazy. Get your whole life together, please, Um okay. So last question what does playing hard to get look like?
Speaker 2:Annoying Bro. You're doing too much. Do you want me or not? Stop playing games.
Speaker 1:What does that look like, though? Do you do you so? Do you feel like people truly play hard to get yes, okay, why do you feel that way? Do you have you, do you?
Speaker 2:do that? I don't think so. Some men might say that, but it's just that I don't want you.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like they beat some up, you're playing hard to get. No, no, no, no, no. I don't want you.
Speaker 1:But see if you're engaging in conversation.
Speaker 2:You're my friend.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 2:I will tell a man like I do want you Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean obviously playing hard to like some people. Be like oh my God, you don't text me back fast enough and I barely see you like ask me on a date, like we're grown, like if you want to see me plan something, yeah, so I'm not being hard to get, I'm just have standards. Or some dudes be like oh my God, I've been wanting you for seven years. Obviously I don't want you.
Speaker 1:Why are you sitting around for seven years Wanting somebody Literally stop it.
Speaker 2:I'm just being like oh, I'm unfortunate.
Speaker 1:Okay, sure, okay, so so, if you feel like so, okay, well then, what does it look like? Right, it's for different from. I just don't want you and you're my friend and I'm not playing hard to get. I just don't want to be get gotten versus. I may actually be interested, but I'm dangling a wire Like what does that look like for y'all generation?
Speaker 2:She always text in she be boys, stop playing with me. Like bro, stop it. It usually be the females that be thinking they playing hard to get Like no, I'm not going to chase you, that's what they want. They want you to be like on your own. They body so bad. Like bro, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 3:Like.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to beg you to see me, and like the lady with the oysters. Yeah, Like yeah, like I'm not doing all that, like playing hard to get is so childish, bro. Like, if you want somebody, at the end of the day, y'all just walk. Like I say you want somebody, go for it. If you don't want them, leave them alone because they will kill you.
Speaker 1:They will or might, might, okay, well, that's all of our questions, or my questions, for today. Do you have any parting thoughts? No, no be safe. For real, please do. Please be safe. But thank y'all for tuning in and listening in with us today. We hope, as usual, you enjoyed the conversation. Leave us a comment, leave us a review, follow our Instagram page. I think it's. I should know this. I said talk later, pod.
Speaker 1:I think, Instagram and our again. Every week on a Wednesday, we will be dropping a new episode. We've got some exciting things coming. We've got some guests or a guest coming to the show to talk about, you know, some maybe heavier, deeper conversations. So stay tuned for that, and we'll be doing some reviews on some things as well. So so stay tuned and keep letting us know the kind of content you want to hear from us and how you're feeling about our candid conversations. We'd love to hear it. We'd love to connect. So until next time, be safe, be loved, be good to one another, Peace.
