Let's Talk Later
Let's Talk Later
Family Dynamics and the Parent-Child Relationship
Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on your childhood memories and the ways they impact your personal growth? Well, we've done just that in this episode of our podcast. Alongside Jaylah and Caprie, we journey into the labyrinth of the past - the playful times making cinnamon rolls, the pangs of shifting living arrangements, and the intricate dynamics of parent-child relationships. We also touch on how tools like the ACEs quiz and emotional neglect test can shed some light on our trauma scores, but remind you that these results aren't the final say, but a deeper look into the diversity in parenting styles and experiences and how those play into childhood trauma and the work to be done. Please find those links below if you are interested in reviewing your own scores.
In pursuing personal development, we take you on an emotional journey where Jaylah and Caprie confront some of their deepest fears and worries. Caprie opens up about her ongoing quest to cultivate positivity and communicate more assertively. In contrast, Jaylah shares her instinct to turn to her mom for comfort and sometimes Dr. Phil to solve life's weightier issues. Together, we navigate the fragile balance of living in the now without losing sight of the future where healing and growth reside.
In the final part of our journey, we delve into family dynamics, reflective moments, and the role of trust in mother-daughter relationships. We share intimate conversations about our parents, what we'd change about them, and the qualities we believe make a good parent. As we journey through this critical exploration of family relationships, trauma, and personal development, we aim to provide an illuminating, heartwarming, and thought-provoking conversation. Tune in, lean back, and let's journey together.
Emotional Neglect Test:https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/childhood-emotional-neglect-test
ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences): https://numberstory.org/explore-your-number/?gclid=CjwKCAjwjaWoBhAmEiwAXz8DBYTeeo4vjsL5MrEof48wtJaa3koSlD2eMt3s3uBTlVw58e12PCAhsBoCfTgQAvD_BwE
Hello and welcome back to LTO. Let's talk later. You're joining us on our third podcast episode and today we are going to be talking about the parent-child relationship. As you may already know and if you're not and you're new I am one of your hosts Capri, I'm Jaila and yeah. So today, just a bit of an overview We'll be talking about the ACEs scores We'll go into that a little more later An emotional neglect score and also be doing a little bit of Q&A between Jaila and I, which will lead into some you know, unfiltered conversation.
Speaker 1:So stay along with us and get ready for this ride. So, jaila, would you like to make any introductory comments? Like you know, how are you feeling, what's going on with you?
Speaker 2:I'm great y'all. I'm doing good Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, so like, what's the? What are you looking forward to this week? We're here at the end of a week on this recording day and the weekend's coming up and you know, means different to different things to everybody. So what are you looking forward to? That's coming up, Jaila.
Speaker 2:Absolutely nothing Okay.
Speaker 1:All right? Well, all right, we're gonna just jump right into it because Jaila's a mess. So, prior to this recording, jaila and I completed two quizzes tests, if you will. The first one is the ASIS quiz A-C-E, and so an A score is basically a tally of different types of abuse, neglect and like other kind of hallmarks of a rough childhood, and, according to the adverse childhood experience study, the rougher your childhood was, rougher, the higher your score is likely to be, and that means the more work that is needed to be done. You know work when we say processing, therapy, counseling, coaching, etc. And so my score it's a 10 question test, and so my score was a nine and Jaila's was a seven, so obviously out of 10, though that's a pretty high, those are pretty high scores, and so we want to talk about that a little bit today through again that Q&A that we're going to be going through, and then we're going to share a link to that in the notes today so that if you're interested in taking either of these quizzes to start these conversations or just to have a better insight into what your trauma scores might be, you can do so.
Speaker 1:And so for the emotional neglect test I believe that was also out of maybe 10 or 15 or there were 15 questions and so I was in the five and above range for the score and Jaila had. I think it was like a one to two. Jaila has some feelings about that test, based on kind of the different parenting or not parenting but, like you know, different scores for different parents, and I kind of looked at it as all around because I had several quote unquote caregivers, I guess, if you would say, or people who I considered caregivers, and Jaila's kind of thoughts where that the caregivers are the parent, the mother and the father. So what were your concerns, jaila? What were your thoughts about that?
Speaker 2:quiz. I think the first one was that, if you have like, for my situation I had an active parent and then I had a parent that was never there, so all my questions would have been answered with never and I think that wasn't fair to the one that was active. So I kind of just base it off of. You know our relationship, yours and mine. But I think that's just weird because if you, some people are going to be different you know forms they're going to do different forms of parenting or they're going to be more or less involved in your life, depending on who they are. So I think it wasn't really straight to the point like that.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Just, I mean, you know, just with, with everything, nothing is singular, because every human is different, every experience is different.
Speaker 1:So, right, you're going to have different perspectives, right, and different scores for for especially in the area of, like you know, mental health, and these different assessments, right. So let's jump right into it. We're going to ask some questions that we hope are going to help us dive into our own experiences and perspectives around abuse, neglect and abandonment, and hopefully it just starts some stimulating conversation. So I'm going to kick it off and we are going to kind of do kind of three different areas, and the first area is kind of a just a deep dive, a kind of getting to know you and feel free to use these questions with your own children, your own parents, anyone in your family who you want to maybe connect with and learn more about, or they may be a part of your trauma story, and so you kind of want to start addressing some things, without maybe being so direct if you have any kind of avoidance issues, as I do. So for the first question, jaila, what is your earliest memory?
Speaker 2:Excuse me, I think I talk about this all the time. It was when we lived on. Was that Hamilton in Menlo Park and we were going to school?
Speaker 1:Let me tell people where we live.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, we were going to school in the morning and you and auntie would always make cinnamon rolls in the morning. That's like my earliest memory. I don't know how old I was then.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. So that's actually later in your life, because before we moved in with them we were living with my dad. So wait a minute. And then you were at your grandma's. So that was before, are you sure?
Speaker 2:How old was I when I went on a Tahoe trip?
Speaker 1:Without me. Yeah, you were nine. 10? Nine.
Speaker 2:I don't know. It all seems like those times felt very, like they felt at the same time.
Speaker 1:No, those were two separate. So when you went on the Tahoe trip without me, we were living with auntie. We were, but before we lived there we were staying with your grandpa.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't remember. It kind of feels like they all just kind of blended together. I thought those were like around the same time, oh, okay, yeah, wow, okay.
Speaker 1:So for me, my earliest memory, unfortunately, was not so great memory. I don't remember how old I was. I feel very young in this memory Five, six, I don't know. We were living in my great grandmother's house and I was under the table and from the table or with the area I was in, you could see the front door and it was like, you know, you open the door, like in the the, where the sun is probably maybe at its highest, maybe early afternoon. I just remember it was so bright, the light was kind of like pushing in from the door and the police were there to take away my grandma. I don't know why, I don't know what had happened, but I just remember that she was being just being arrested and that's the first memory that I could go back to. It's spotty, but I just remember that moment that was probably three minutes, that that everything, or at least my memory, was three minutes within that moment.
Speaker 2:So so next question the next question is what are you most proud of?
Speaker 1:Of everything. Well, I mean, first thing that comes to mind is you. I'm most proud of who you are. I wish I could see her right now, who you are, and just knowing that, if you listeners, if you guys, you know, heard episode two I talked about, you know, in your birth story, right when I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew that I was going to do my best. And seeing you now is it's just a very proud moment because you know, through through my work and your work and the positives that did come out of our environments, you, just you, just you just make me very proud, your accomplishments and what you want in your life and so yeah, that's my answer.
Speaker 1:What about for you? What are you most proud of?
Speaker 2:Thank you, that was sweet too, but I don't know, I guess sort of kind of the same thing, just kind of. Sometimes I'd be reflecting on where we came from and like all the stuff we've been through and I'd be like, wow, like this, this is crazy, but hey, we did it. Oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Next question what is a quality you wish you could have more of?
Speaker 2:Um, it's actually something that I've like been actively working on and it's being more positive. You know, like even with the good or bad things, just kind of taking things for what they are, and I always I keep telling myself like something's either a lesson dang I don't like how I said that but a lesson, a lesson or a blessing. So, yeah, just being more positive.
Speaker 1:For me, I would like to be more direct and in line with being more direct, and then when I say direct, I mean in my communication and when talking to other people, and more confident in why I need to be more direct. I think that I don't speak up or advocate for self as much as I'd like to, because I get so caught up in concerned with am I tripping, is this really what's happening, or am I being too sensitive? And so all of that stuff comes up when I feel away about a thing, and so I just won't say it and then end up suffering from it, and so I really, really, really hope that I develop some more self advocacy and self confidence.
Speaker 2:So next question Next question is if you could ask anyone for help, who would it be and why?
Speaker 1:You know, initially my answer was Iyanla Vanzan. I've always been a huge fan of hers and the work that she does, but I think the answer has changed and I think that the person that I would ask for help would be my mom, and the why would be? I just I feel like the help that I would want from her is for healing for the both of us, and I don't even know what the questions would be like if I walked up to her and was like here's the question of help. I don't know what that would be, but my body knows right now and it's kind of hard to kind of put it into words. But that would be my answer is my mom, and for healing. What about you?
Speaker 2:Man, I'm finna, call Dr Phil. Nah, I don't really have like a I don't know, like I don't have an answer to this question because I don't know I asked for help for from the people I need to ask for.
Speaker 1:So okay, so piggyback off that a little bit. So if you had like a like a huge problem, like like a life altering issue came up, who's the first person you would go to you?
Speaker 2:That's easy. Okay, I go to you about everything, everything. I need to know how many pills I need to take.
Speaker 1:I go to you for everything. Okay, okay, that's fair. Okay, I think it's on me. The next question is what scares you the most and why.
Speaker 2:Another thing that I've been learning is I'm trying not to be afraid of the future and like what it like holds for me. I feel like I can be really, really hard on myself and kind of like have this mentality where it's like I have to be better than I ever was before and if I ever go back to a certain situation, I feel like I failed. So when it comes to the future, I try to like plan, plan, plan, plan, plan and make sure everything is going to go perfect. But you know, I'm learning now that I need to live in the moment and not be afraid of what's in store for me and just know that things will work out how they should, because there's no way to change your life for real in the future.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you're afraid of being too caught up in the future and not enough in the present. Would that be a fair summary?
Speaker 2:Maybe not too caught up in the future, but I think that I get so afraid of the unknown that I forget that I'm living like right now and I'm like life is passing me up right now, like I'm trying to make sure that everything I'm 10 steps ahead, but I'm not here in the moment and I think where I'm really starting to see that is just the other day with brother, I was asking him what is his favorite Beyonce song or something like that, and he was like, well, me and mommy like the power song. And I was like, well, what's the power song? And he's like you know the power song. And I like looked it up on my phone and I was like this one and it was playing and I was like in my mind I was like, oh, I'm only going to let it play for like a second just so I can make sure, just the song. But I just I don't know what made me just stand still and we just listened to the song together and he was kind of like dancing and I was like I need to have more moments like this, like I'm constantly on the go, where I'm like you know what the song's over, we're not going to keep playing it. But what's? Two minutes with brother and you know, just living right now and not worrying about what's going on in the next couple minutes or something.
Speaker 2:Where was I when this happened? You were painting. This was after school when he came home the other day. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That story gives me a nice feel. I didn't. I had no idea that happened. I do my DIY projects. I'm painting the cabinets in the kitchen Because I just need something to do. That's awesome, that's actually really awesome. Okay, I guess I need to answer what scares me the most. I think I think about. It's funny. I guess the stories are relative to the. I mean not relative, but related. I guess it also has to do with which is what she's calling brother, obviously is my son.
Speaker 1:I'm afraid that, as for those of you who don't know Jaila's brother, my son is on the autism spectrum and also has accompanying ADHD.
Speaker 1:Life is not easy in general, right, but it adds an additional layer of complexity when you have a neurological diagnosis, and so I think my most prominent fear is that I won't be able to, we won't be able to give him the best quality of life because we won't have figured out how, and that's very scary for me. One of the biggest challenges right now is him in school and kind of the behaviors that are presenting themselves, and so I mean, obviously that adds stress to the day and to life, and I mean it is stressful for him too, and so I think, similar to Jaila, kind of the future thing like I'm so worried about. What is life going to look like for him at 12, at 16, at 21, like the deeper into age, I think, the more afraid I am. And not just because of school, obviously, because one day he'll be done with school, but just life like working, friendships, relationships, systems being in place like that. Yeah, that scares me and I think that's understandable why that would scare someone.
Speaker 2:So yeah, next question this is kind of similar, but I guess it's a big difference, though, is that? What do you worry about the most?
Speaker 1:Definitely. Yeah, they are very similar, but my right away I have a different answer, because you would think that would be the same. But I actually worry about my future the most, and when I say my, I mean very personal to myself. I mean, like my career. Am I ever going to be in my dream career or am I going to continue to just hold jobs? And that's, it's scary for me and I worry about it. I worry about it very regularly because I'm at a pivotal point where I'm trying to find out how to get to that place, like I'm taking trainings and I want to leave of absence so that I can reset and, you know, build some better tools as far as how, as I mentioned, I can better self advocate and set boundaries and all of these things. Right, but right now that is a big worry for me is will this change for me? Will I ever wake up and say, man, I love what I'm doing, or not? So what about you, jayla?
Speaker 2:I kind of think it's funny, because what scares me the most is personal, and then what worries me the most is my family's like situation. I think I worry so much about you know, like brother and you and Marcel, even where it's like sometimes I worry so much that I'm like bruh, I got to stop. But it's like that fear of like I want us all to be where we all need to be, that I'm like I hope we all can get you know to a place where we're comfortable and we're happy and I think I just worry about just the dynamic, I guess, like of everyone finding that happiness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is very interesting.
Speaker 2:It's like an excellent depiction of like our different perspectives, because it's the exact opposite, right, or my fear is about family and then my worry is personal, but for Well, not to cut you off, but I think that shows like you're a mom so you're going to be afraid of our problems, Like you're going to be more afraid of for us, and then you worry about yourself second. And then I'm still young and like have this like it's me and against the world mentality, where it's like I fear things for myself and then I worry about my family.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. Makes sense, yep, I think, yeah. Worries and fears, yeah, it's very much, probably yeah, about that whole, as you mentioned. I think you nailed it perfectly. It's like as a mother, as a parent, it's like what are my children going to do? Like, how are they going to do it? Are they going to be okay? Are they? Am I doing the right thing? Am I saying the right thing? Am I being there enough? Should I? You know, it's, oh, my gosh, it's like this endless. It's just this whole that you just fall into and, just like Alice in Wonderland, you just keep falling and falling and falling. You're going to come out the other side, yeah, so we're going into our next kind of section or area of questioning. These are around relationships, parent-child relationships, and so I think it's my turn to ask this next question, which is Jayla, what is your favorite thing about our relationship?
Speaker 2:Um, now, um, I appreciate how open we can or at least I can be with you and how open you can be with me. In return, it like, I think in the past it used to be very closed off. It was only like I'm only asking, or I'm only telling you what you're asking me, and nothing more than that. Um, whereas now it's like I actively go to you to talk to you about things that sometimes you don't even want to hear about, but I'm like no, you have to know, mom, like I have to tell you this.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's not because I don't want to hear it because I'm closed off. It's just like I got to prepare myself, because when I mean when Jaila says everything, she means everything and sometimes I let me. I got to get a space first because, you know, again back to that parental worrying though, because it's like am I going to respond the right way? Am I going to, especially, you know, when she says before we were, you know, things were closed off, like I am actively working to not be closed off because I want it to be different, obviously right. And so when I respond like I'm a new question is like okay, am I, am I making a face that that looks like I'm judging her? Okay, let me make sure I don't do that.
Speaker 1:So it's, it's yeah, it's, it's been a journey and it's it's, you know, continuous learning and continuous growth.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, for sure. So my favorite thing about our relationship, I think would be the very same, is the conversations that we can have, the, the connection that we have, and just, you know, it's like yes, I have. I'm so like pleased with myself that I have finally accepted that you can be my daughter and my friend. It doesn't have to be you're my daughter, you're my daughter, I'm your mother, like, yeah, because, like, when you say like like best friend, like like Jaila is like I trust her with anything and I know that she will have my best intentions in mind and she not going to go tell my secrets and go, you know, I'm just saying I'm going to go tell everybody about my business and, and she's in that my biggest thing is judgment.
Speaker 1:I feel like all my life, especially in my childhood, I was judged for something Like ridiculed and judged. And you know, and it's just, it's good to know that when you're talking to somebody, that they're they're coming just from a genuine, authentic place. They're not like, oh well, why would you and how could you, and these kind of things, and so I value that very much, so yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:So that's what I think, all right. So the next question is what is your least favorite thing about our relationship?
Speaker 1:These comparisons I feel like you know when you're in a job interview. They're like what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?
Speaker 1:I don't want to tell you my weaknesses but, I understand it's an important question as far as you know. Just self assessment and development, right, I don't know. So, our relationship, my least favorite thing, I think, is the residue from the past, and when I say that, I mean that things were so tense between us for a number of things and we, like communication was not there. It was not there and there's still residue from that Like, even when we were taking the emotional neglect test. She had to answer those questions about me and it was like, oh my God, like I didn't, I didn't hug you, like I didn't say I love you, like, and so, like that. And it's not even like I don't know. I mean it is about our relationship.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I mean it's, and it's not really about her, but it's me having to acknowledge where I messed up and like like, wanting to cry about it because it's like gosh, like who I am now versus who I was. They're just, I mean they are night and day Like I was a closed off, angry, struggling. I mean just just, it was bad, like it was bad. So dealing with that person is like I just want to forget this person and move past her, but I can't because I have to acknowledge, so that I can continue to grow and heal. And so, while it's hard to hear it, it's very necessary. So that would be my response. What about you?
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, I think it would be two like completely different things from like now. And then I mean, obviously, back then, my least favorite. I probably would say yeah, just being like closed off and like not being able to communicate without you know, like a voice in my head being like, oh, she's going to get angry or she's going to do this, and like she's not going to respond. Well, and you know what I'm saying. Um, but that that's completely like 180. That's not even a problem anymore. Um, I think my least favorite thing about us now is that we're sometimes we're so alike that it's like, oh my God, like just, just, just don't talk to me right now, like you go make me mad, but it's like I sit there and I'm like I can act like that too, so like dang, like it's like looking in a mirror sometimes and just so annoying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no for sure. Talk about a perspective like, like, almost immediately, and it's like maybe that's why things won't not completely why, but a part of the reason why, like our relationship was what it was. Because it's like maybe I saw that thing that you were doing that and it being a part of who I was, it's like that ticks me off because I don't want to be that. I don't. Why are you doing that You're reminding me of of? You know, something maybe I didn't like in myself or something I don't know, but maybe it's relative, but um, deaf, for sure, for sure, um. So the next question is um, it's a long one, it's about a three part. Um, do you think and I think I know the answer to this Do you think you can tell me anything? What would you be most likely to want to lie to me about, and why?
Speaker 2:I can tell you almost everything, but there are some things that are like your mom does not need to know nothing about this. Bro, this is something that is like no, you just don't feel like certain things are necessary. So, yeah, I don't think I have anything that I would most likely want to lie to you about, because it's like there's no point in lying at this point, like at my big age, like what am I lying for? But yeah, I think that there are just some things that you don't need to tell your mom about.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I mean that perfectly goes into the next question. So what kinds of things? Like don't tell me if you don't want to tell me please, especially on the podcast. But like what kinds of things are they?
Speaker 2:Like, just like you know, like some things are just super personal, like you just don't tell your mom about these things. I don't know If you're a kid you're going to be like yeah, I ain't tell my mom some things because she don't even know them things. I'm sure some things you ain't going to tell grandma.
Speaker 1:That's different.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, it's just some things, bro. Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:I guess we could just leave that right there and drop it. So on the flip side, I think I can tell you anything that I'm ready to speak about. And when I say to speak like if, like once I've you know, like if something traumatic happened to me or there was a big situation that is very personal and affected me very deeply and I'm not ready to say it out loud to nobody, then that's I mean, that's the kind of thing I mean, and once I'm ready to speak it, jaila will probably be the first one to hear it. So it just really depends on where I'm at and if I'm able to say it. So, if I'm able to say something, I'll, I'm sure. I'll just tell you Now what would I most likely want to lie about and when I, when I hear this question, I think that or I feel that I will want to lie because it comes with shame and so I would probably lie to you or want to lie to you about something I feel like you would be disappointed in me for.
Speaker 1:So like if I I don't know, like I don't know, like if I, if I went out and and I got, I got just so drunk and like bust my nose or something I don't know, like Phil, I don't know Like did something immature, right Cause I'm, I'm her mother and I'm supposed to I don't know be, I don't know, just aware of my surroundings. I guess I think I would come home and she'd be like dang what happened to your face. And so I'll be like, oh man, you know what happened was somebody pushed me, and then you know cause I wouldn't want to say I had 15 shots, like come on out, it just sounds as a from a parent to a child. It's like, oh really, and you know what the crazy part is, I don't even know what.
Speaker 1:She'd be disappointed as long as nothing like happened to me, like bad, bad, she probably be like oh, my mom was turning up, you know, like that's, that's crazy, right, and that's probably how she would respond. But if it was something I felt she would be disappointed in me for, or like I got cheated on and I and I took them back, Jaila would probably give me the worst face ever. I wouldn't, I would probably not say that my husband cheated on me and we stood together, but you know what I feel like ultimately it would come out anyway. But I would not want to Um because she would be disappointed, because I know I know the values that she holds and I know the expectations that she does have for me, just as a woman and as her mom, Um, and, and you know, for women in general.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I have a question what would you want me to lie to you about, If anything?
Speaker 1:Nothing.
Speaker 2:I have an answer. If you cheated on Marcel like, like for real, for like slept with somebody else, I wouldn't want you to tell me. I swear to God, I would be so like bruh, like for real, like, why, like, I think I would be so mad at you because it's like, why would you do this? Like, yeah, I think that's the only thing I would want you to lie to me about is, like, if you cheated on Marcel, like, don't even tell me, write it in a journal, bruh. Don't tell me I get it.
Speaker 1:I understand why, because you know, I, yeah, yeah, I totally understand why family dynamic is. Why would you ruin something that you worked, that you're both working hard towards? And yeah, no, I get it. That wouldn't happen. It wouldn't happen. If you're listening, it wouldn't happen.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, Marcel, I got you. I'm gonna write him a note, an anonymous note with evidence. All right. So the next question is if you got into really big trouble, how do you think I would respond, mom? Well, here we go.
Speaker 1:Like really big trouble. Okay, I don't know like what, like I'm about to be arrested.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm getting from it.
Speaker 1:I think it depends on why. I think you're gonna be like come on, marcel, we got this money bailed by my mom. We can't have her locked up like this. And then it depends on what it was Like.
Speaker 1:If I was like public and decency or something I don't know, you probably be like dang, what's wrong with you? Like I think it would be funny and you'd be like, wow, like you couldn't like be in decent and then run home or something, why you get caught. That's often like you would respond like why did you get caught? Like you couldn't like do this somewhere else. But if it was like big, big bad, like I committed fraud and like stole I don't know some money from someone and like I was really facing like life or something because it was a big deal, like federal or something like that, I think that you would be so disappointed and so heartbroken and so hurt that I would put myself in that situation to be taken away from not only you but your brother. You probably wouldn't speak to me for a little while, you probably would just disappear and I don't know that's what I would think. What about you?
Speaker 2:I mean this is I don't know. I guess I can answer from two perspectives or two times. I guess in my life your jail would be like yeah, your mom's gonna get mad, like she has been up low up, everybody better watch out. Now, though, yeah, I guess it just depends. If I was going down for like murder or something, I think you would like man, my mom, go right to the wheels, fall off. Man, you gonna be outside the jail Free, jail Free jail.
Speaker 2:Like I don't know, I think who we are now. I don't think there's anything I could do that would make Like there are some things but those things would never happen, that like. But I just don't think that you would not support me or, you know, have my back.
Speaker 1:No, I would totally be out in the front picketing and getting signatures and, would you say, getting like character witnesses. I'd be going around like all her friends, write this letter. Please just tell them she was a good person, this man, you know he did, he did this, she had to kill him. I would totally, totally, totally, totally do that. I mean, and even if she did something like foolish where she ooh, she shouldn't didn't have no business in that place at that time and that moment, I'm still not going to leave her out there like that. I'm still going to be like we got to figure this out, we have to find good lawyers and I'm a teller about herself, like what's wrong with you? But no, I'm not going to. I'm not going to just leave her out there like that. No, absolutely not. So next question, do you? Well, we already kind of covered that one. So sorry, oh, we're going to skip forward. What are the most important things I have taught you?
Speaker 2:A lot, like honestly a lot. I think the biggest three I'm going to say are going to be independence, independence, that, that. That's that one is so big that it kind of like it's like an umbrella underneath independence, really independence. You taught mom oh, my God, like you taught me everything I know. So this is one's kind of like it's the easiest question but it's the hardest question Because it's like there's so many things you've taught me that I could be like bruh I am who I am because my mom, like everything I know is because of you. Financial literacy, just thinking in general, like yeah, this is a copy and paste of your brain almost.
Speaker 1:That's crazy, okay, okay. So you've taught me, like unintentional lessons and intentional lessons, how to. I would say I mean how to think, but this is the biggest one, and I always say this like like I don't think she meant to teach me this lesson, but truly like how to think about something before buying it, even though she now comes to me with that question All right, mom, this thing costs this much money, what you think and it's like you were the one that used to tell me you don't need that. Do you really, mom? Do you really need that? That's what she would say to me every time we went to any store mom, do you really need that? And like I hear her voice. 22 years later, still I'm in the stores and I'm like I hear Jaila, mom, do you really need that? And I all right then, and I'll just walk away from it.
Speaker 1:So number one. Number two self-reflection. You've taught me patience. You've taught me I'm not great at it yet, but it's actively working how to remember myself, and you know that I can still live and I can still have fun and I can still be an individual.
Speaker 1:So, and that's, that's something like it's just, it's just with daily reminders, it's just like she gives me perspective, like this is how I see it, and not just in a and not not, not even, just, not even in a sassy way, and not just in saying it, but kind of like a here are my observations of how you are, like maybe you could try this and like you know stuff like that, and so those have have really been very important for me.
Speaker 1:And also she gives me perspective again on on her brother, my son, and how just just managing this, everything that comes with the diagnosis, and and just parenting in general, because you know, in teaching me how to be a parent, that's probably and you know, all encompassing is that the way I'm parenting him. I appreciate her perspective on because now that she's older, she's able to look at who I was as a parent and who I am now and give me that additional perspective, not just to me but also to my husband, and that I didn't like school and I would do these things and this could mean this and that's doesn't seem really fair and it's very, you know, like generalized approach and not enough about the individual, just all of these things. That's just important perspective and so I I value all of that. So, yeah, um, I think yours is the next question.
Speaker 2:All right. If you had to choose only three words, describe me what. What'd you say?
Speaker 1:Three words. Hmm, I would say authentic, loyal and Hmm, what do you call it? I mean, I'm trying to think of a word for it. It's kind of like the way you treat life. It's very I don't know expectant is not really the word Like you have, you hold things to a high degree, you have a veryyou have expectations for things and for yourself and you know maybe to as you mentioned, it'sit could be to almost to a detriment you know before and you're working through that and also, I think to to a compliment that you've accomplished so much because of how you hold yourself in the regard. So I don't know what the word is for that, but if, whatever it is, if there is a word, that would be the third word.
Speaker 2:Hmm, yeah, somebody called me entitled yesterday, you know, but I'm deserving whatever.
Speaker 2:But, Three words I would use to describe you would be peaceful. I think you might not think so, but new you is very like. When I come, like sometimes when you're sitting on the couch, I'll just come sit next to you because I'm like man, my mom gonna like just be cool and just calm, like she's just gonna provide this like energy, where it's like everything gonna be cool, bro, like it's all gonna be good. Um, yeah, peaceful is gonna be one independent to sometimes the extreme, where it's like it can be good or bad, because sometimes I think you even forget that you're not a single mom anymore, so you still, you know, have that mindset. Um, and I think you're extremely determined like you are the best example I can ever give anybody like this you are going to make nothing into something like I don't think there was, um, ever like a time in my life where I'm like you know what? I don't see my mom trying like you never stop, like even to this day, you have never stopped and I appreciate that a lot.
Speaker 1:Isn't it interesting how a person can see things in you that you have no idea about? Um, that's very interesting. Um, because I aspire to especially peaceful. I aspire to be peaceful. I want to be the kind of person that comes into a room and people are like, ah, just you know, you can just drop your shoulders and just I want that. And so to know that I already have have some of that, that's, that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool to hear. Um, yeah, okay, um, so the the kind of final section we are going to cover of questioning is going to be around family, and I think that these questions will incite some additional conversation, maybe about um, some of the you know things. We've covered, as far as you know, neglect and um, abandonment and things, and so let's get into it. Um, so the first question how do you think your friends' families, compared to ours? So this is um talking about about? Are they about as close, closer, more distant, etc. And why do you think that?
Speaker 2:Um, to be honest, I think my friends not to like be in a business or nothing, but compared to us, I think like they are not as close, they don't talk as much. Um, they're just not as open as we are, and I know that because every single one of my friends, every single one of them, will always compliment how me and my mom are so close and how I remember this one time when you came out to Atlanta and you made everybody dinner and this was just like. My friends were kind of like bruh, like this is so strange, like you're just kind of a part of the group. I remember when you left or not, when you left, we were going out and my friends are, like you need to invite your mom, like it's like you just became naturally a part of like my friend group.
Speaker 2:Now I was like um, she's not gonna come, like absolutely not like she's not gonna turn up with us, like that's not who she is. But um, definitely see that, that difference there, because none of my friends have had their moms, not saying my friends moms wouldn't, but you know, just being able to because, look, aliyah mom, yeah, she gonna turn up with us.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, can't wait to meet you. Um, okay, I think when I oh man, so I guess it's. I guess it can be of two different minds, or maybe even more so when I think about my friends and their families. On the one end, if I think just about the parent-child relationship much different, um, I would say more distant Um. But when I think about, like the family in general, like just across, like I mean uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc. I feel that it really depends Um.
Speaker 1:I think I have a few friends that have a very similar dynamic in that they have strained relationships with their parents and others and it's a lot of conversations that need to be had and explanations and apologies that needs to be given Um. And then there are a couple of friends who I absolutely admire their dynamic. They take vacations together, they have family game nights, they support one another, they, they, you know, help with childcare, so parents can have day nights and stuff, but things like that. They just they, just they.
Speaker 1:And I'm not speaking about you, jaila, yes, she will watch her brother. She doesn't restrict it as to two times a month, I believe was the contract. But you know, yeah, I could talk to her about that, um, but yeah, so it really depends, and I think that I don't know why that is, um, I maybe I mean that's just their dynamic, they're just, they're just closer because they probably dealt through some things or talked through some things. I actually don't know. I may, I may ask, I may start having those conversations, but um, yeah, that's kind of my thoughts about it. Um, so the next question, um, would be uh, let's see, okay, that's on you, jaila.
Speaker 2:Um, all right. So next question is on a scale of 1 to 10, how strict are the parents in this family? What is the ideal number?
Speaker 1:So I think it would be one of which parents you're talking about. So, outside of just Jaila and I right, this family, this household, so that would be Marcel and me as parents, right, um, I'd say on a scale of 1 to 10, it depends, because he's a different parent than me and so I feel like I'm not very strict in this season of my parenting, um, in that I tend to be more lucid, and so I'd say, if I gave myself a number, I'd say I was like 5. I'm in the middle Now. If you keep cutting up, now what I do is, like you know, I have a, I have a like an odometer, almost. It's like a thing happens, a thing happens, a thing happens and it just keeps elevating. And if you get me to the tip of my odometer, then I might respond.
Speaker 2:Bus you.
Speaker 1:But if it's several things over several days, I'm kind of loose, whereas Marcel it's. It's more. He's very much about structure and response and so I may give him a 7. It depends. But he can also be extremely emotionally charged where our son has to say a cute thing about their relationship and it's like he's like butter all on the floor. It's terrible. But I think that's a strength too. It provides balance. I think.
Speaker 1:Um, I think I don't know if there's an ideal number, because I think the level of strictness depends on the child and the parent and the relationship and what is strict? I mean some someone's definition of strict could be you getting a whooping, you know, or versus your grounded, versus you lose your electronics or something. You know what I'm saying. So I don't know if it's an ideal number. I think there's an ideal situation and I think the ideal situation is very much based on cause and effect and based on situation and response. So I don't know Now when we go outside of this household and the other parents and when I'm speaking to my own parents and my god other parents in our family. I think it ranges across the board.
Speaker 1:If I'm speaking to my own parents, my mother was not very strict at all. I probably give her a 3. Sorry, mom, I don't know how you feel about that, but she was not very strict. My father, my father, was a strong 12. We set a scale of 1 to 10 and my father was a strong 12. And it was very, very, very much response based, and you know that's. You know that's challenging when you have someone in the family who is too strict and you know the responses are maybe not appropriate to the situation. I don't know, I think it, you know. Again, it's left up to everyone's interpretation, but the numbers definitely vary across the board. When I think about those in my family right now who are parents, yeah, what are your thoughts, shayla?
Speaker 2:Speaking to our family, yeah, I would say old mom, 8, super strict, always got something to say, nothing positive for real. And then I think that kind of started to go down once you had my brother, I think. Like once brother came in a picture, man, my mom was like a cool one, she ain't even worried. I'm just doing what I want to do, getting up out of here, doing what I got to do and you know what I'm saying Waking up and leaving. So all that mattered as long as the kitchen was clean before she got home. Man, it was a good day, it was a good day for everybody. Like, um man, marcel, well, no, well, I guess you.
Speaker 2:Now, in regards to like brother because I mean you, I'm 22 now it's like what strict can you be? Yeah, brother, on your good day, yeah, I could say 5. Like, you have expectations for him. But you understand that you know you individualize your expectations for him, marcel. Sometimes, sorry Marcel, sometimes Marcel be blowing me. Marcel, be like a 7, 8. Sometimes I'd be like, uh, leave my brother alone. Man, like you, little kid man. Like dang you yelling at him and stuff. I don't like that. But but to be honest, marcel, not even that strict. But yeah, you all both like some 5's Y'all just have expectations.
Speaker 1:Go outside of the house.
Speaker 2:Um, I only know a couple of the parents for real, like, like you kind of said, speaking outside. I'm not gonna say no names or anything like that, but I think that's a individualized strict behavior too. Just because some of our family members have a lot of stuff going on that you know, they have to do what I guess what's best for them. It can range.
Speaker 1:Okay, that was not the response I expected. I think she's being very considerate maybe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm being respectful, I'm being respectful.
Speaker 1:That's good, it's just good, it's real good, no issues with that, okay, I think the next question I mean, yeah, it's also on discipline. Well, yeah, strictness and discipline, was the discipline in your family fair? And I guess I mean you can speak to just your household you grew up in or go beyond, you know, maybe your grandma's household, et cetera, but yeah, was it fair? Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:No, it was not fair. Let me tell y'all something. This woman over here, man, she used to be just like bro. I used to get whooped all the time, not like you know? Yeah, it was. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. I don't care, you know what she gonna tell me. Don't do too much. She the one that did it. You shouldn't have gave me the stuff to talk about on this podcast. You shouldn't have did what you did.
Speaker 2:She used to whoop me, bro, and send me up to my room and then, when I'd be crying after the whooping, she'd be like I'm gonna get you something to cry about, bro, you just whooped me, oh my God. Like, yeah, I'm crying. What'd you think? That was okay, I'm just fine. You just whooped me, you just tore my butt up and then I was a bad liar, bro, like I was. So I just lied about everything and anything. And then she will whoop me for that and I'm like bro, you used to lie too. Like, don't whoop me no more, I want to keep doing this. You always whooping me. And then she just will overreact, bro. She will just blow up the biggest. Like the littlest thing would become the biggest problem, like I wonder if my Auntie Toya listening, bro, my Auntie Toya, no, like I used to have to go to my Auntie Toya and my Auntie would be like Capri, just calm down. You got to really think about it, because she's just so mad, like just come home mad and I'm like, ah, but not no more, y'all.
Speaker 1:God, no, yeah, a little more. I mean, yeah, unfiltered. Okay, don't send the people from here, send them, um, I really realized, um, and I'm it's, it's it's chuckling and stuff, but it's deferral, like that's. Acknowledging that was hard. We've addressed that, like you know, previously before, and so I think that allows me not to feel it so deeply today, um, but when, first, acknowledging it was hard, it was hard to to face it Face, um, how angry I was and why I was so angry, right, um, and then to also have to acknowledge that I hurt someone, specifically being my child, you know, and that's not some people you know might be listening and saying, man, we all got weapons and man, we got with my kids big deal. But, um, if you, just if you take some time to look at it deeper, like, like I had said to myself maybe a couple of years ago that I was shown that you are, you get, you are supposed to get angry at someone for being upset, like, just listen to that. Like you get most kids, you know, get in trouble, get weapons, you know, because they done something wrong, right, and so the response to you doing something wrong is to get hit instead of have a conversation instead of address why you're doing the thing and maybe what's going on in the household that contribute into the household environment. Sorry, that contributes to the issue that's coming up and I'm saying and so if that's the response and then there's no conversation happening, what are you truly teaching that child Like? What are you showing that child about yourself? Like, okay, you, you know you're in school and you came home with a, with a, you ripped your pants, I don't know, he was running in the field on so you ripped your pants. You get whooped for that. Or you went to the refrigerator and you you took you ate a cupcake before dinner. I don't know, you're in trouble for that. A lot of that behavior is expected, adolescent behavior. You're supposed to try things. You're supposed to experience and discover. Children are curious and maybe, if we you know, maybe learn more about how kids develop and you know the theories and behind behaviors and the psychology behind behaviors as children develop, we might have a better understanding of why they do the things they do.
Speaker 1:And also a lot of the reasons why I responded to Jail of the Way I did is because I had unacknowledged trauma from experiencing my own abuse and so, growing up, the response that I received as a child to things that I did taught me that that's how you respond to your children, because that's what I learned, and so, acknowledging dealing with processing again, therapy, coaching or something along those lines can help you to be a different person and to be a better parent and to also, you know, just again, unearth and heal from the stuff you know, the events that created that trauma for you. So, yeah, I just just wanted to add that, that piece to it. And leading into my response, right, was the discipline in my family fair? No, absolutely not. My mother was not a huge disciplinarian, my father was. And it was not fair because, again, it only taught me to be angry. It didn't teach me how to communicate. It didn't teach me how to sit with Jaila or any kid or you know.
Speaker 1:Try to understand where that child was coming from, what that child needed from me. It was you did this. I'm upset. Let me show you not to play with me. That's what I learned. That's what the discipline in my family taught me. Different for everybody. I totally respect that, but I'm speaking from my self perspective in that it was absolutely unfair. So, yeah, so, moving into the next question what was? I guess we're now. We're switching over from the negative a little bit. What was the best thing about your family, jaila?
Speaker 2:What was I want to say? How close we were. I mean, especially like growing up I would have been the only child, but I don't feel like I was raised as an only child because I had my cousins around all the time and I really just liked how we would all get together all the time. It didn't even matter, we would just go over to you, know their house, and just hang out, talk, catch up. You know, and I kind of missed that. I missed that, but I understand that. You know, life happens, things happen.
Speaker 1:I would agree. I do miss that and I would like to get on the journey to, to bringing that back, even with. One good thing about my father of note is that he would make sure we spent time together on family trips, I think like three times a year we will go away for Christmas, labor Day, you know, you know all the like black people, I mean, you know what we. You know the holidays that were significant to most black families were, you know, memorial Day, labor Day and Christmas, and we would go either camping or we would go to Tahoe, to the cabins, every year without a miss. And I missed that and it was such a big part of my adolescence. And I think also Jailas, because when you know when she was born and we would go, we kept the tradition, if you will going, and likewise what she said, and you know, with other family, we would just, we, when Christmas shopping together, we, we, you know, handed out Halloween candy together, took them trick or treating together. You know it was, it was a, it was a real sense of togetherness and and and life changed. I think I would love to explore when and where, but I think you know, as you, as your kids get older. As you get older, priorities change, responsibilities change, expectations change.
Speaker 1:And I actually heard a very, very moving kind of quote today in one of my coaching courses where she said if you're, if you don't deal with your childhood trauma, your relationships will.
Speaker 1:And that moved me in such a way because it's like, yeah, like all of the stuff that you go through as a child shows up into your adulthood and like maybe there's such a point, there's a point right in life where you get to a certain age and you start getting triggered and if you don't know what those triggers are, it starts to really affect you in a deeper way because you know something happened to you at five, six, seven, eight, whatever. Now you're 35, six, seven, eight and you're getting triggered by that and it's doing all of these things to you and having you respond and react in all of these different ways and, yes, that's going to change your relationships. And so I mean side note, we really hope to have someone on here to speak more about this later on down the line, you know, as we get deeper into these episodes. But I think that it's it's, it's all a factor, it all plays an important part. So move forward to the next question.
Speaker 2:All right. If you could change one thing about your parents, what would it have been?
Speaker 1:I think one thing I would change was readiness, because I might have mentioned but if I did not, in our kind of birth story episode my mother was also a teen mom, and so what teen is ready to be a parent, and so that has that plays a big part in how one is raised. And so for my father I would change. I would give him more patience. I think that he could have definitely benefited from having more patience in his life and dealing with his children and you know other people in his family and could have just made for a different story. So what about you?
Speaker 2:Well, I wouldn't change anything about you. I think like you are where you need to be, so I don't think I would change anything about you. And for my dad, I just have him be there, you know no.
Speaker 1:Change his presence? Yes, yeah, definitely Agreed.
Speaker 2:And this next question is kind of I already answered it, but what are the most important things your parents have taught you?
Speaker 1:Um, for my mom, she, the first thing I feel like she taught me is, I guess maybe you will call it my, my, my hustle effect. Jaila, you mentioned how I'm going to make something out of nothing. I'm going to get it done. She has that same quality and always has always kept the job. She's always been a great teacher. She always, you know, kept an income. She, she worked very, very hard to be where she is now and I that does. That is not lost upon me, and so she definitely showed me that.
Speaker 1:For my father, um, he taught me, maybe he taught me I almost it's funny because I say I wish that he had patience, or would I would change in him, you know patience, but I feel like, through the challenging relationship that it was, he did teach me patience. Because, you know, some people say when you have, you know, difficult parents is they sometimes show you the kind of parent you don't want to be. And there were, there were ways in which he parented me that I immediately realized I didn't want to carry into my into my parenting with my children. So he also taught me, I will say, kind of how to have tough or thick skin, if you will like, when you're dealing with people you know outside, like he would. He always had a saying like from lady to baby or baby to lady maybe.
Speaker 1:He said basically, no matter who you are, if you're not treating me right, don't expect nothing from me. You know, and even though I do have problems or challenges excuse me with boundaries and self advocacy I have my limits and it does not matter who you are and if you're not like, if you're not being good to me and if you're not feeling my cup, please don't expect anything from me, and I feel that very deeply. So I think that's good. Yeah, that's what I can say to that. Yeah, so let's, let's keep moving forward. The Jaila what do you think are the most important things or qualities I'm sorry of a good parent?
Speaker 2:Um, my first, like I don't know. I think the most important quality of being a good parent is being open, you know, like being open to like just anything, being open to talking, being open to do things differently, just being open, I feel like, makes you a great parent and as long as you're open to change and whatnot, it should be good.
Speaker 1:I agree, I actually agree. I think to add to that I would say, being flexible, being willing to self reflect, because a lot of the times I feel like parents know that I know best kind of mentality, when maybe you don't, maybe you really need to take a look at the perspective of your child a little more, or you know that your responses and reactions may be may be coming from traumatic places or pain, and so I think that that makes a good parent as well, and just just being there, being present and being intentionally present, don't just sit by your child and be scrolling on Instagram, but you, because you sit next to them, I'm here to pick up my son. You know what I'm saying. So act to be active.
Speaker 1:Like even if you, like I, have a very big imagination, like I still very much have my child. Like imagination, I will get on the floor and we will wrestle or we can play you know, board games or imagination. Like my son is so funny, he will watch me. Like like play with his little toys and like I'll do the voices for them and like make up stories and he watched me. Like he watching TV and I'm like that's cool. I mean like I feel good because I'm like, yeah, I have a good imagination, you know. So play with your kids, be a part of their, their, their story, their childhood story, and that's something again another acknowledged thing that I did not do with Jaila, and so now learning from that and instilling that in myself and trying to do it differently this time around, right, so be present with your child. It's definitely a big quality of being a good parent, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:Next question I guess this is for me Totally. Do I want to have kids when I grow up? Why or why not?
Speaker 1:I mean you could ask me if I want to have more kids. We could talk.
Speaker 2:No you're done, oh no, you're not having any more kids. Anyway, like what Wow?
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm tired you tie.
Speaker 2:I am tired, you tired. I raised three kids and I'm helping with the four.
Speaker 1:She helping.
Speaker 2:I'm helping.
Speaker 1:Don't let her.
Speaker 2:You're going to really take away from what I done, did for this family too. You're going to take that away from me.
Speaker 1:Jaila, I'm not trying to say that you haven't been a very active.
Speaker 2:I help raise brother.
Speaker 1:I mean what is helping me? Don't let these people think I'm out here. No, I'm not saying you're a horrible parent but I help you do.
Speaker 2:Okay then, but you not to the point of tired. Well then, first three, tired me out, okay, that's not on me.
Speaker 1:Then first three Jaila has seven siblings, by the way. Eight, eight, eight Are you? Eight Are you?
Speaker 2:nine. Oh, my God, I think I'm the ninth.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Because mom is four of us right, but brother really takes me over in that four category, and then it's four of them over there in Texas, so that's eight. And then I'm the ninth.
Speaker 1:Jaila has eight siblings. Only one Other is mine, only one, hallelujah, mother. Okay so, yes, okay. So how about just get to the question Do you want kids?
Speaker 2:When I think about it and like I'm not talking to a dude or nothing like that and I'm just like it's just me in my mind no, like I think kids are annoying expensive. I think right now in my life I think because I'm so selfish with my time and who I am right now that I don't want kids because I know I won't be able to give them what they need and just because I feel like this world is so screwed up. Why would I even want to bring like somebody into this? They didn't ask to be here, so I'm not going to just force them to live this life because it's hard out here and I don't like it. Sometimes I'd be like, oh, you could just go.
Speaker 1:You could have just you could have stopped this. Oh my God. Jaila always says that I didn't ask to be here.
Speaker 2:I didn't ask to be here and now I got to deal with these struggles. I don't want to deal with this.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I think there have been guys that I've talked to that made me be like that, made me like think, like maybe like kids is like kind of cool, like you kind of got a little little legacy going on. You're leaving your little mark on earth and stuff and somebody come carry your name and you know. But I got my little sister sky too, so she could be like my. She looked just like me. So, hey, I got a little twin somewhere over here.
Speaker 1:You just had all the young man thinking that might have been me. Sorry.
Speaker 2:It's not a lot of them, only three, I'm just kidding. Only only two made me like be like dang. I could probably have kids with this man one day Not right now, though. Oh, he's been a killer.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's been a killer. They're thinking it's all good. It's all good, everything's wonderful, it's all good, okay, jaila. So the next question is for you as well what kind of parent, if you have children, what kind of parent will you be?
Speaker 2:I've always said that I'm gonna be like the really cool mom. I don't know. I just feel like, whatever my kids, I just feel like, oh, I was as a kid, my kids probably not gonna be no better and they gonna do what they want to do, or they just gonna hide it from me really well. So I rather them just tell me, like if you're doing drugs, just whether you're doing the house or if you having sex, just tell me so, like we can get you like some birth control or something. I just want to be like, I just want to make sure like they can respect me, but I don't want them to feel like they have to do anything they don't want to do, period. I'm gonna be that really cool mom, like I mean girls. When she walked in she was like y'all need anything.
Speaker 1:Please don't be like that. I'm just kidding, I'm a uppercut them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, y'all gonna see me on Dr Phil.
Speaker 1:Your husband will hopefully balance all that out and grandma gonna come and we gonna. They probably gonna do anything they want. Honestly, I'm gonna be yeah, I'm sure I'm gonna be that grandma. If she does decide to have kids, they gonna get everything they need and she probably will have to ask for them back. No, what you mean.
Speaker 2:Keep them, kids FDK.
Speaker 1:Chah, you are doing too much at the end of this show, man. Okay, our final question before we wrap up Do you, I mean, do you think you are close to your sibling?
Speaker 2:Some of them super close, love them to death. The other ones I never even met a day in my life.
Speaker 1:Okay, Okay. What do you do? You think that you'll ever meet them?
Speaker 2:I hope not.
Speaker 1:You really think, you really do I hope not, why?
Speaker 2:Because if them little monsters is hearing this podcast, when they grow up they gonna see I ain't like they daddy, not definitely ain't like they mama. So they might go, just stay away from me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think, jaylin, I think you took that off like out of me, that the way you can say things so freely like that, like I can't Like, oh my God, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I respect it, but I hope that y'all do eventually meet.
Speaker 2:No FDK Now. Mom, do you think you're close to your siblings?
Speaker 1:You just gonna push me off like that, okay, um, so I also. Well, I guess Jaylin has me beat. There are a lot of us as well, and unfortunately, no, I am not close to all of my sibling. I was close to some of them at a point. Today, I am closer to only one of them. However, I hope that that can change a lot change. We all came from a complicated past. We all experienced some things, and after my father passed which seems to be common in families we all kind of dispersed and disconnected. And now we're I mean just about all of us are grown. The youngest one is, I mean, he's not grown yet, but he's, you know, he's in his teen years and on his way through, and so, yeah, I hope to change that. I would like it to be different, very, very much so. But you know it takes work and I'm ready to do the work though. So, um, so that was our final question. You've, you know, rolled through this thing with us. We're, we're.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening and tuning in to this conversation. We hope you've enjoyed it. We will be talking more about different, you know, other topics in coming episodes. We really want to touch on a grief and loss and mental health coming very soon. So stay tuned. As a reminder, we drop every Wednesday, once a week and please, you know, make sure to subscribe, follow us on Instagram, leave us a review, comments, you know, all of those things that let's talk later. Pot on Instagram and the podcast is available, you know, on all the major streaming platforms and we appreciate you and we hope, as usual, that these conversations inspire and incite conversations in your own families and relationships. Um Jaila, any parting comment?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:As always. That's Jaila Per. Thank you for joining us again, and we will see you on the next side, see you. Bye.
