Let's Talk Later
Let's Talk Later
An Unexpected Birth Story
Growing up in East Palo Alto, I found myself on an unexpected journey into teenage motherhood. Amid the complex mix of youthful expectations, relationships, and music video-inspired fantasies of love, my world was rocked by an unplanned pregnancy. However, a nurse's profound words may have turned my shock into anticipation for what became a miraculous journey.
Navigating through my own story, I explore the vast gaps in sex education for young women and the impact it had on my life. I painfully recall grueling confrontations regarding my pregnancy and how these experiences starkly contrasted with Jaylah's. The conversation steers towards the compelling need for comprehensive, honest sex education for young individuals that moves away from fear-based tactics.
In the later part of our exchange, I candidly discuss the trials of co-parenting, the insecurities Jaylah's father may have grappled with after the arrival of his second child, and the subsequent family dynamics. This episode provides a raw insight into the neglected child syndrome, parental favoritism, and the frustrations of absentee fatherhood. I reflect on the mental impacts of teenage parenting and how it shaped my understanding of love and relationships. This conversation serves as a beacon for all teenage mothers - remember to surround yourself with love and support and allow yourself grace when faced with adversity.
Hello again and welcome to let's Talk Later. You are joining us for our second episode. Today we will be discussing teen pregnancy and I will be sharing my birth story. So, to start us off, as a reminder, I am your host, capri, and I'm Jaila, and we hope you enjoy your time with us today. As we mentioned in our first introductory episode, we talked a little bit about myself and being a teen mother at a very young age, and so we thought we would just spin off on that and have a conversation, a couple of questions, do some Q&A and just have some raw conversation around that. So in this day where I'm feeling like a little wild-head child, jaila, how are you?
Speaker 2:I'm going through a heartbreak right now, but I'm good.
Speaker 1:A heartbreak you want to.
Speaker 2:Not right now.
Speaker 1:We're not going to tap on that. I'm sorry to hear that. I offered her a hug and I offered her some rom-com time and meditation. She's processing in her own way. So, yeah, we'll touch back on that another time maybe. So I'm just going to jump right in and, for anyone listening, if this resonates with you or if you have any questions, leave it in the comments in the review section, and maybe we'll address those questions on another episode. So before I start, jaila, do you have anything you want to share, anything you'd like to say to the people listening? No, okay, no problem, I'm going to jump right in. So Jaila is my first child, the first of my two children that I have born in 2001. So that makes you Gen Z, didn't we look this up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm Gen Z.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so at that time I was barely a freshman in high school. So back in my early teen years I shuffled around a few places. I went from living with my great grandma to living with my mom for a little while to living with my dad. All very different environments, very different experiences. But everything really started at my great grandma's house in East Palo Alto where I probably spent the bulk of my childhood. About a block or two over from where we lived. I had a couple of friends and we would, you know, play outside and, you know, run up and down the street. We would, you know, have little parties and there were like the old, there was an older crew like the big sisters and stuff, and we would want to hang with them and they would be parked in cars and it was, it was, it was. I'm going to just say it was kind of a vibe.
Speaker 1:I kind of missed that. Like we just kind of hang out in the streets and you know we still had to abide by the being in the house before the street lights came on. But you know, that was cool. We you know me, you know I'll be honest I snuck out, you know, street lights came on, I was in the house and then everybody went to bed. I was back outside, but it was, it didn't start off as unsavory intentions. So when I was outside, jailer's dad lived on the same street as a couple of my friends.
Speaker 1:He was a part of the older crew Four years, my difference and you know he would be rolling up and down the street, I don't know if even at a car. My first memory of him is sitting on a little bike. That's not. They're four older people but they're not really tall for like regular people, I don't know. And he was, you know, all the girls was like oh, that's, you know, white boy, rich is what they called him. He's, he looks so good and he this and this and this and this and I'm like, oh, okay, cool. You know, because I was, I kind of had a crush on this other guy who was my age and so I didn't really pay him no attention, but for some reason I caught his, caught his eye, and so he would come around and say little things like which I'll do without this lady, and bring an attention to himself, Right?
Speaker 1:So I think for a minute one of the girls that I hung with she had a thing for him, and so I was like, oh, tina, is, is, is filling you, like like what do you think about her? Like you know, I can get her number for you, whatever. And he was like I don't want her, I'm not looking at her. And I was like, oh well, what about Keanu over here? I'm cute. I don't know why I did this, I have no idea Because I felt the attention and it kind of made me nervous because I was like he's older, like no, and I was like, nah, nah, like I'm sometimes, I see, was up with you, and I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:No, and I would like walk away and run. And you know, I give my friends, we were kiki keen and he said this. And I had another friend who this, this kind of back and forth banter went on for like three months, I don't know, it was just a minute, it just you know, I would see him, he would see me, he would say something, I would laugh and whatever you know, I walk away and, man, leave me alone, or boy by kind of thing, right. And I had another friend who told me she said that I needed to grow up. Mind you, I was a child, I was 12 years old not too long ago, right. She was like, oh, you need to grow up. You know, like, just give him your number. And I was like, and it, it, it sat with me. I was like, wait, am I being immature, or should I?
Speaker 2:Well, should I?
Speaker 1:give it to him, like whatever.
Speaker 1:And so I think it was one night they were throwing a party in this courtyard on the street, and he was sitting in the ice car.
Speaker 1:I don't know what kind of car it was, but it was like a candy red and and I just remember, I don't know, the windows were tinted. It was just shiny Like. It was like freshly waxed, like it was just like. You know, you have these moments in your memory and it's like these images, and I have this image of him sitting in this red car and it had like this, like almost a butter, colored, butterscotch, I guess colored interior and then it just, I don't know, it just all worked. And I was like, wait, maybe he is fine, hold on. I was kind of looking at a car and he told me to come over, like he was like, oh, come here, or maybe somebody even said he's asking for you, or something like that. And that night he had the right jokes, the right relatability and whatever else was mixed in that and I was like, all right, here's my number. Like, take my number, that's cool, whatever. And from there I mean we talked on the phone, we would, were we texting back there? Oh God, I feel like I'm not that old, but then when I think about stuff like this I'll be like dang, are we old now? Because you know, we were born in the 1900s, so that's a big deal. But we would talk on the phone or whatever.
Speaker 1:And he was kind of talking to other females too, because I guess I wasn't getting serious fast enough that's at least my perception of it and so that kind of made me it was that formal thing, it was like am I missing out? And I got kind of jealous, right. I was like, are you talking to her? Like you know, because we would have conversations and I kind of would tell him, like about my life, right, because you know, I mentioned, I think, in the in our intro podcast that you know, I do suffer from neglect and abandonment and as a child, especially in that very hormonal teen age, you're looking to feel what you are, feel that you're missing, right. And so I was looking for someone to love me, right.
Speaker 1:And he was talking about his childhood and how he grew up without, you know, his dad being around, and again relatable, and I was like, oh man, like wouldn't it be so nice to be loved? Wouldn't it be so nice for someone to care about me and treat me nice and like we see on these music videos. You know, I think one of the popular music videos back then, I think, was Nelly and Kelly Rowland Dilemma, and I remember that video and it was like love and they were in the streets and he was like holding her all nicely and just all of that like played, played into kind of my feelings of self worth almost, and so he had told me that you know, I want to be your boyfriend but you like you're not taking me seriously or you're not being serious enough. And my memory and you know, kind of in I felt at that time that meant I had to make it official, I had to show in physical form that I was serious and that I was old enough. And you know that eventually led to me feeling like, okay, I have to, and not even I have to, but I should like we should have sex so that this can be serious and then I can show that I am deserving and that the data and so not to say I didn't like them, I liked them very much. I felt like he liked me, but then, you know, who knows, at the end of the day, but after some time I don't know I can't my memory fails me as far as how much time passed by but I had moved away and I had moved out to Vallejo with my mom and then that lasted for a couple years and this was like right before eighth grade.
Speaker 1:And then I had moved back and when I moved back to East follow so I was living with my dad and so I was back in the area and you know he noticed, or got word, because I was even I was living with my dad, I was still going around to the neighborhood because my friends were still there, and he was like oh, you back in town and I've missed you, and you know we should hang out, you should come by, you know stuff like that. And you know he still had that, you know that affect on me. So and I still very much liked and maybe even thought that I loved him you know that puppy love stage, and so it didn't even take much time, like I was like, yeah, let's hang out, you know, you know you're still interested, right, so that means that it's okay. And so we started back hanging out and and I wound up pregnant and for the longest time and when I say the longest time I mean about seven, eight months I didn't know. I didn't know that I was pregnant.
Speaker 1:I was still having my regular cycle, I was still doing PE and everything that I was doing in my normal life and, like I saw, I wasn't gaining weight. I didn't have a stomach. I had always who are these stomach? I always had a flat stomach back then and so I didn't know, I couldn't tell. And then maybe there was a little bit of denial, honestly, at the end at least, because I did start to feel movement or or some what I thought was maybe cramping right in my stomach. So I think at that time I had said, you know, okay, I need to go to the doctor. And so I called a close family member and they took me over to Planned Parenthood and we at Planned Parenthood they did the pregnancy test, of course, and all of that, and it was, I was pregnant and she was like you know, she did the timing and she said that I think you you're like eight months or eight months in a week, or something like that. And I was just in shock, I went numb and I was just like, okay, and the nurse at the time. She said to me she's, you know, like, don't, like you never know like this child might be something miraculous and spectacular. Because I told her I was like I had a cycle. I didn't feel anything like how is this even possible? And she's like, well, it's very possible.
Speaker 1:What happens to a lot of women, especially young women, because your body doesn't change quickly the way it does when you're older. Because with my second child I knew very early on that I was pregnant. It was almost right away that I could tell. So I went home and I just went on autopilot because I didn't. I didn't know, like, like, what do you say? Like, how do you say that at that age, you know, 14 years old, hey, everybody, I'm pregnant. Guess what, especially if you're not in a great place?
Speaker 1:Right, my mom was incarcerated. My dad and I had a very, very, very strange relationship and I wasn't really close to anyone else except my aunt At that time, and so my, my cycle had officially stopped. My stepmother Recognize that and asked me I said yeah, I am. She asked me was I pregnant? And I said yes, I am. And she said well, you know, we're going to have to tell your dad is like, well, yeah. So he came home that day he had this old school mustard colored truck that would rumble and grumble every time it came up the street. You knew he was coming from any direction at any time today. And you know, my stomach drop heart's beating because it's like, yeah, we don't have to tell him.
Speaker 1:And I you know, I was, I was, I was afraid of him. You know, I was afraid of his reaction. I was afraid of him as a person Did not have the best communication skills and so when he came in, we're both standing there and he automatically knows like something's going on. He looks at me and he looks at her and he's like what? And she says you know she's pregnant. And like this wave of, I feel like at least three different emotions look like it crossed over him and he said I knew it. And he likes storms off to the back and don't say nothing else after that. And I think I just went down. We had like a den, like a downstairs den, I think I had just I just went downstairs and sat on the couch. I was gonna start crying Because I still don't know what's about to happen to me. No one Told me what was about to happen to me.
Speaker 1:You know, I had people people being family coming around and everybody had an opinion about how dare I and I should know better. And you know, even go went so far as to say that you know they should, you know, take me outside, we should scrap, kind of thing, like like I had some crazy stuff said to me and I get it, especially now that I'm a mother. It's terrifying, like hearing your child, the thought of hearing your child say something like that. But I don't think my response would have been any of the responses that were shared with me give the give up for adoption, you know, stuff like that. And so I'm just dealing with all of this input, like all of this and, and you know, come to think of Neurologically, they say what the mother feels presents itself and presents itself in the child. So just imagining what she's feeling Inside me while I'm feeling and receiving all of this stuff.
Speaker 1:You know that's crazy to think of right now, but it is a factor and so, you know, while everybody was telling me that I should know better, it's like should I have, like who Taught me about this, you know? Or who loved me enough so that I would not go seeking out, out this false love, right? That's how I look at it. And so when you tell I and I and not everybody I had another aunt, who's you know, who just plainly said I wish you would have told me, I wish that, you know, you would have confided in me, I would have helped you, and I appreciate it. Not having to hear Anything more than that, you know I just I just shrugged and I was like, yeah, you know, I don't know what to say, I don't know to tell you, and so this kind of makes me think.
Speaker 1:Think about like sex education, right, cuz it's like you know. Some people will say didn't you know? Because they teach sex ed in middle school? And no, because? Well, for me I walked out because it was uncomfortable. They had a movie about it, presented in a classroom with a teacher who was Unrelatable and a lot of kids who were like making jokes and being immature about it, and it just made me very uncomfortable and I left and it wasn't like it was a Semester of material, it was one video for one hour and then you're supposed to have like a conversation after it.
Speaker 1:I For one, and Jela, I don't know what you think about this, but I for one I don't feel like that's enough For to really prepare a child. And I saying that is all in the school because the home should be doing it as well, but that's just. I just don't feel like that's enough to prepare a child for everything that sex and intimacy is, and pregnancy and and just everything that comes with it. And In in the home it wasn't talked about at all, it was Don't even like don't ask about this, don't, don't say nothing about it, like don't, just just don't. So it was like Again, where was I supposed to get the education that I should have known better about? So maybe I'll pause right there. Jela, just to ask you like your sexual education, you know, kind of experience and where that started for you versus you know, school versus Indie environment, right?
Speaker 2:I think it started in fifth grade and they like separated us into two different Rooms, like females over here, boys over here, and we just watch videos, and we talked about it, um, but yeah, it wasn't anything like I don't know. I guess it wasn't as like embarrassing or unheard of. I mean, I'm sitting here thinking and I don't actually think we talked about. I don't remember me and you having a conversation about Sex or like what that entailed, until, like maybe high school. Um, when I had my first boyfriend, we kind of like, oh, jela, like are you doing this? And it was just kind of like no, like this is awkward, like um, but yeah, I just remember it in fifth grade and they had like showed us like a condom and stuff like that. And, um, yeah, it was just kind of like this is what it is. And then we had it again in Middle school and that's when I remember that was the first time I ever seen a woman give birth and like how her like vagina like Allow the baby to come out, um, and I think from there I was like yeah, this is never happening, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 2:And I think that's kind of where the new quote-unquote like Sex ed came from was that fear-based sex education where it's like if you have sex, this is what's gonna happen to you. You're gonna get pregnant, you're gonna experience all this pain like and it looks so Uncomfortable. And I think in my young mind I was just like bro, I can never do that, like I'm good, I don't want to do anything that's gonna make me have to go through what she went through. So I Think that was just kind of like the gist of my sex ed, because I don't even remember them talking about it in high school. I just kind of remember like they had a box of like condoms in the nursing like station and I was kind of just like, well Hope, nobody's having babies.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. We definitely did not have a box of condoms, uh, anywhere. I don't even think because, because I feel like you're if you're giving away condoms, especially back in the early 90s, I guess for me it would have been your condoning sex, like okay, you can go have it, just do it safely. And I think that was a message for y'all. It's like y'all gonna have it, just be safe. So yeah, I mean, I don't remember having the conversation either. I think I'm just thinking back. I Was probably extremely uncomfortable Because I felt like, again, it wasn't talked about in my homes and if you talk about it, you're saying it's okay and I didn't want to share that message with you, that, no, it's not okay. Right now I'm like don't do it, um, and so that's kind of a shoulda, coulda, woulda. But you know, um, you do what you can with what you have, um, and so, thankfully, jail is not a parent at this age of 22. So I succeeded somewhere. It's this the success is hers. Let me not say I succeeded. The success is hers because it was her choice and her body right. So, um, so back into, let me pop back into the story.
Speaker 1:Um, so the next month, I guess, was Just empty. I I don't remember Much at all. I don't remember how I felt. I don't remember what I did, who, what, where, why went, how, none of it, I really don't. Um, I think I blanked it all out Because there was just so much. Um, I won't say all of it. Most of it I did live. Uh, I, to give my dad a break To deal or process or come to terms, whatever you want to call it. I wouldn't live with an aunt. Um, that was Another traumatic situation. It was not great. Um, I guess I'm thankful for the roof, but it wasn't great.
Speaker 1:Um, and so my dad had came back, like slowly started coming around, and you know, he was one of the. He was one of those dudes that didn't apologize, he was just like offer you food or something. So he was like a you want some three brothers and I love tacos, like jayla loved tacos. When I say jayla love tacos is because I didn't like tacos that much until I was pregnant with her. Like I wanted four steak tacos with sour cream, mild sauce and onions and cilantro, like every like, every day, like that's all I wanted was tacos. And so he would call me on his way from work. Oh, I'm gonna try you on tacos. And I'd be like, yeah, and so slowly, you know, he would come bring me tacos and we would talk for a little bit and he would leave and then, um, I think it was him that said you know what? You need to just come back home. We don't figure this out, or something like that. Um, and it was some mix of you need to leave and you can come back home, actually, so, look, excuse me.
Speaker 1:So I went back home and the the night that I went into labor, it wasn't even painful, it was. It was very late at night, or maybe even in the morning. Actually, I think it was in the morning hours, but you know it's still dark outside. So I think my memory must perceive it as night, because she was born at 7 am or after 7 16. So it was just like a cramp and then I like slid out of the bed and I was crawling on the floor. I crawled out the room and into the hallway and I was like, hey, something's happening.
Speaker 1:And then my dad and my stepmom come out the room and Like what's going on? And I was like I don't know something's happening, I just go to the hospital and so my step, my dad, stayed home because my younger brother and sister were living there too, and she brought my stepmom, brought me to the hospital, and my aunt came as well, on my dad's side and I. They were just like, oh you're, you're way Dialated, like you're ready to go. And so apparently I had been in labor since 5 am and Then I pushed for about 20 minutes and no effort, girl, no, nothing. I think they gave me like an IV of something that made me sleepy and I didn't understand that, like why would you want me Go to sleep? I gotta push a kid out. And she came out and she was just as is, just, creamy white and she had no hair. And and I was just looking at it I'm sorry, not it, I was looking at her at the time that's how I felt.
Speaker 1:I was like look at this thing, oh my gosh, it's just came out of me and it's all gross. They cleaned her off and they gave her to me and I remember hearing you did good, you did good. I think. I don't know if he was my honor, my stepmom, somebody said that to me, but I was just stuck like looking at her, like whoa, like this is, this is a child, and I had it and it. I was like and I've never thinking, man hurt, did you watch all these shows right where they'd be screaming and crying? And I didn't do none of that. But then again, I was very young and still very active. So I'm sure that contributed to my labor.
Speaker 1:But let's see, I think I was in the hospital just for a couple days. My dad came, saw her and Her dad came, slid on well, you didn't slide and the nurses and things brought him to the back. But you know, due to the age and all of the complications around, that they were told to not let him in. The nurses and staff I guess maybe the shift they did a shift change and forgot, I don't know, but he was there, he cried and you know, he turned all red and stuff and was like you know, she's so beautiful, my god, and did you name her Simone? I did not. I think that's what he had asked. Yeah, he had asked me to name her Simone. Aliyah Acosta was a presbyterian name and, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, but that was what happened in the hospital.
Speaker 1:And then I went home I think I went back to my aunts again and and um stay there for a little while while she helped me with her, you know, having a new baby and everything, and One of my current one of my current good, good friends. She and I met like once. Once I had my daughter and she came by with her mom. We had never met before, but her mom and my family apparently were very good friends for a long time, and so she asked if she could hold her and you know, I thought that was probably outside of my, like, immediate family. That was probably the first person that I had let Hold Jaila, because I was very protective of her. I wanted to keep her close. I didn't want, I didn't want to leave her alone for too long. I didn't want to buy, you know, with her and without me, you know, because all of that that I felt as a child kind of like poured out and it was like I Can't let this child experience what I experienced, like I can't let nobody hurt her. But I allowed my friend to hold her. I was like you know, I mean at the time she again she wasn't my friend, I just met her, but she had a warmth, comfort almost, and I handed her over and I had because I was like holding. I mean, when I tell you, I didn't want to put this kid down, I did not want to put her down, I was holding. You know, I had to go to the bathroom and I was just holding it. I was like, nope, I'm gonna just sit right here, rock. And so that was a moment.
Speaker 1:And 22 lit years later we are still friends and she's a very, very good friend of mine, has been through a lot with me. She would catch two buses and a train with me when I had to go pick her up after school when we were in high school together, and that that was an experience as well. I mean that relative to that too, of course, I was pregnant, right, big and pregnant. In high school I had to go to like a continuation school, right, and it was me and like six other moms, some working on a second and third child. We were all teenagers, you know.
Speaker 1:So it was very real and I remember that I was so tired because you know, she was a baby. She was waking up, going to sleep, waking up. We were off all hours at a night and you know I had to get up and still be a student, right. And so she was in like this little nursery they had off to the side and she was like they had off to the side and I put my head down. I was like I'm just close my eyes for like five minutes, I'm just so tired. And Then I heard a cry and she's in there, right with six, seven other babies, right. And I heard a cry and I jumped up and you know some of the girls. I looked at me and I was like that's my daughter and I ran in there into the room and and she'd only went up mad about something. She's probably hungry, like she. She'd be mad now. She's she hungry. She got upset. I mean, too, I understand she got it honest and so I picked her up and you know that, again, it was like I got you no worries. Okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1:You know so that it was very much, a lot of a lot of the way that I parented from that moment forward was fear-based, afraid that she would become me, afraid that somebody would harm her, afraid that Everything, everything, afraid that I would mess up, that I would say the wrong thing, that I would do the wrong thing. And I look back on that now and it's just tough. It's just it's too bad that it had to be that way. But you know, no, pressure creates diamonds, as they say, and the diamond is her birth. No, actually, though, who knows right? So that I mean, it's pretty much the story that Was was, you know my birth, you know story of, you know, jail is my first child, um, so do you have Jaylen, any questions? I know you knew a lot of that already, but, um, do you have any questions or thoughts?
Speaker 2:um, well, because I know so much stuff. Um, thank maybe for, like the, the listeners kind of touching on More around my dad. I think he's a really he's a crappy person now, but but I think he's a very interesting character in our story, um, kind of just how like, who was he at that time? Um, what was his what? What did he do? Um you, I mean, you kind of touched on how he was very attractive and everyone liked him and thought he looked good. But maybe more on you know who was white boy, rich, and he's Palo Alto.
Speaker 1:Mmm, you know, to be honest, I feel like the one I knew versus the one everybody else knew. We're two different people. I feel like he was out In the streets trying to make a name for himself, um, and I only figured that because every time I would say his name I would get the uh, oh, okay, you know you, you get ten of responses from people about Um, about or not, about, not about them. But when you mention someone's name and you kind of see a person's reaction, right, um, I remember he got into some some kind of fight, um, and I never remember what it was over, but apparently it was a big deal, um, and I had saw him that night and like um, I I remember like getting a washcloth and like cleaning like the blood off of his head. It was like my, my nurturing, right, I was like let me care for you and Kind of thing. It's just, it's just crazy. But um, he was definitely known and you say his name, people knew exactly who you were talking about, um, and I think you know he was proud of that and he, he wanted that attention because I, again, I think he also dealt with some Not some a good amount of neglect, abandonment and betrayal.
Speaker 1:Um, I'll say that, um, I know that his family you know they were were, I don't know Um, heavy in East Palo Alto too. Um, just as far as like like motorcycle clubs and stuff, um, but honestly I don't know who he was, these Palo Alto. I just know that he was an average type person to me, like he didn't seem that he, you know, tried to be anything around me more than what I saw, which was just a regular guy. But you could also see, even though he was older than me, you could see the immaturity, just thinking back on the kind of remarks he would make. It was very boyish, like why would you say something like that? Like you know, that's, it's just kind of crazy to me. It was like, you know, seeing the guys my age and being around them you know the 12, 13, 14 year olds, and then this you know 17 year old or whatever, it's like you sound like them.
Speaker 1:So it was a mix of things, so I don't know.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I think it's important because, like as a Jaila now not knowing you know I mean, obviously that's something else that we could probably touch on is how much he was around or anything. That is, I feel like a very important part of the story of you know kind of, who we both are, why you are, so you know independent and you feel like you know you do a lot of things by yourself. You basically practically raised me by myself with the help of Auntie, but yeah, just kind of touching on the situation as to why you guys sort of kind of didn't work out, I think it's actually pretty entertaining too.
Speaker 1:Entertaining. So we did try. So after she was born let me see, after you were born what happened. We tried, we tried to get back together and make it work. It wasn't really nothing even to make work, it was kind of just. It was see if it worked, because it's not even like we had problems or anything, it was just. I mean, we were just, you know, kind of kids dating, I don't know so in the first two years of your life he was very present, almost too present.
Speaker 1:It was annoying because he would like, because obviously we didn't live together. I was a child and I still lived with my dad and my stepmom at the time and I would be like you know where's my daughter? He'd be like we over here, man, we chill out, like don't worry about it, I'm gonna tell her, I'm gonna bring her on Friday. I told her, I'm gonna bring her on Friday. And his mom, jaila's grandmother, was also an extremely huge part of a huge support in raising her. From the moment she saw her like that was it, that was her baby, and so she and her father would have her and they would, you know, have her at the house and be taking her about and all of these things and you know I'll be like and you know, like maybe let me come get my child Like over there doing again that protector, right, this is her father, this is her family, and I shouldn't have felt like that.
Speaker 1:But it was very much like why do you wanna keep her so long? And so we had tried. We continued dating and talking and, you know, and it was under wraps because everything had went down, you know, the authorities were involved and he got sent to jail because I was underage and all of this stuff. And so we didn't tell anyone, like we were still trying to work it out. I was like when I turn 18, we just go on, like we just gonna run off and we just gonna be together or whatever. And so, and that's when like I felt what like love was, because actually I was getting to know him now, like I was like, okay, this is who you are, I'm actually focusing on you instead of trying to feel avoid, right, and he kind of let me in a little bit, you know into his life and you know into who he truly was as a person. And I really cared about him at the time.
Speaker 1:And my father found out somehow I don't even remember how and he said he said no, he said I y'all not gonna see each other, no more. Like that's it. Like he got mad and went off about. You know, I don't remember what he said, I just remember the anger and the face. I don't even remember the words, I just remember looking at him in, like his face and his mouth was moving. All I remember is no, like y'all can't be together. And I was so hurt because it was like like I felt I'm underage so I have to listen. And also, you know, like why would you? Like it's already happened, I have a kid. Like it's not, there's no more that can happen. I mean, I have another kid, but like why wouldn't you let us be a family? Like why wouldn't you let this child have a complete home right? And so he had given me like this promise ring or something. And he being her father, and he came by and my dad made me tell him I don't wanna be with you and give him the ring back. And his face. I can still remember it. It's another image from memory. It was crushed. I was crushed. I was crying while I was telling him. I don't remember where Jaila was. Maybe she was in the back with my sister. I can't even remember, but that's why we didn't. That's I mean, we didn't work out.
Speaker 1:I think a year after that, a year or two or so, somewhere around one or two years, he moved on. I moved on and he had another kid. The rest is that his history, lots of kids down the line, and so, yeah, that's kind of the why. But after those that first two, three years, his involvement faded. It was very spiteful, it was very angry, it was very, it was just very different and I felt to blame. I was like I'm the reason why he's not being a father, I'm the reason why he's not around anymore. Because I shouldn't have said anything or I shouldn't have listened to my dad, I should have just snuck around or whatever. Because that's the way the rest of our mine and Jaila's lives went. He would come in, he would come out, he would be around for birthdays, maybe Christmas, and when I say be around, I mean drop off money or gifts, and then we wouldn't see him again for a long, long time.
Speaker 1:And that forces you to be independent into. I have to make this work by myself. I realized I have to do this by myself, especially once I finally did turn 18. I was like I gotta figure it out. I have to get a job, finish college, like who can do that right now? I have to do what I need to do, and so all of that stuff that happened from 13, 12, 13 forward it just I don't. It never processed until much, much later in life. It was just all autopilot. It was just like do, just do, just keep moving, just keep moving, keep going. Just make sure that y'all have a roof over your head, just make sure y'all have food, make sure you have just what you need. And that was how I lived for probably the next 12 years of my life. So yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2:I'm not quite sure if this is something we touch on, just because I feel like I kind of I don't, I don't know. This episode, I feel like, is kind of like the beginning of our lives for real. So I kind of just want to get a lot of stuff like just create a foundation for people that are listening to kind of understand where me and you are coming from in future, like the way we think and why we operate the way we operate. Yeah, I mean kind of just touching on the whole like lack of a father situation. I kind of just want to kind of sort of touch on some of the you know with the second baby mom and the insecurities he faced and you know just kind of like how he operated after you guys, just a little bit more just to really show his character, like who we're dealing with and who is going to be a very key person, especially in my life, as to why I am the way I am. Okay.
Speaker 1:Sue, sure you know I'm a bit of a person, you know I'm a bit hesitant, but I know that this and I want to be transparent about my hesitant, because I know that this is why conversations don't happen, because it feels uncomfortable, and so you don't do it because it feels uncomfortable, but that is a very important part of the processing and the healing. So, as my stomach cramps and my palm sweat, I'm going to answer your question or address what you just brought up right now. So, as I said, I guess around three years old you were three, right he had another child and so he had started dating this girl that I knew of, but I mean, I didn't know her on any impactful level, I just knew who she was, and so I was still in high school, probably junior senior year by this point, and so of course you know the town as they called, maybe still call it, I'm not even sure knew that I had. You know he and I had a child together, and so this girl knew because she was also from the town. So in her own maybe insecurities, she would. I don't know how people get your phone number, maybe it was out of his phone. I always wondered that, like when girls get to play on your phone, I have to get my number. But she would start calling me and like making threats and you know I'm pregnant by him and that ain't his child and stuff like that. And you know I laughed at it and me and my friends we laughed at it and you know she would make threats, she gonna come up to the school and we gonna fight with all this stuff.
Speaker 1:And so I think I was still kind of like getting over him, like moving on, because I don't think I had moved on on, you know, because, like I'm in high school and the boys that I went to high school with, right, they were like you got a whole child, like well, like oh no, like I don't know, maybe they were scared of me, I don't know, my gosh, but he had came and picked Jayla up one day and she was in the car and I got like immediately I just saw her. I got really frustrated and I was like you know, how dare you come to my house and bring this female and you know, knowing she like starting all of this stuff and you know being, you know, dramatic and making all these claims talking about you know that's not your child and all of this stuff. So I got really upset and there was this you know kind of big argument or whatever and that kind of went on. It was like every time I saw her or she's or heard about her, it was like always some kind of drama and he just never addressed it, like he never even acknowledged it honestly. And so that frustrated me even further because it's like it's bringing more drama to my life and it's already hard because you know he at this point, like right when she did get pregnant, is when he started pulling away and being more absent. And so once she had the child I don't know if I knew or not, I'm sure some, maybe somebody, told me, but you know the way information flows around social media, right, even then, way less than it does now, but even then you know he was very involved. Once again there were pictures all over of him, you know, taking her to all of these places and you know spending all this money was just you could tell it was very, very much about the image, like there was just so there was like stacks of money and jewelry and putting them on her and putting her on a car and all of these things and it was just frustrating me. Even I don't feel it as much, not even nearly as much as I used to, and that's what healing does, but in the very pit, pit, pit of my stomach it stills some frustration.
Speaker 1:It was like why, what about Jaila? Like, excuse me, what about Jaila? Like, why did we forget about her all of a sudden, now that we have this new child? Is it just a replacement now? Like, oh, like nothing else matters. And you know I would talk to him like hey, you know, I mean I put him on child support. So I was like he wasn't helping at all anymore. And I'm still in high school, right, and I got this little Starbucks job, right, and I'm doing the best that I can and still living with, you know, my family. But I was, I had to pay, I had to contribute to that household, I had to like I don't know if I was just contributing to groceries or paying the bill, but I was contributing financially and still going to school and working and trying to be a mom. And so it just really frustrated me because it was like all like this was being flaunted in front of my face, like look at me and what I'm doing, I'm making all of this money. I got a new child, I have a new family or whatever, and y'all good, y'all figure it out right.
Speaker 1:And then it happened again. He had a third child, so him and this other girl. As I told her, I said he did it to me, he'll do it to you. You know, it happened again. He had another child, another girl, and it was now. But at least even in that situation, and this, you know, this is all about kind of the choices that he decided to make, right, because these women I don't know what they were being told, I don't know what was being shared with them, because a lot of times and it is fact that another person, be it man or woman, will start to make up stories about what their baby mom or baby daddy is doing. He or she won't let me see her, or I can't do this because of court order, like who knows, like I don't know. But the point is that these other children came, I think all y'all, three years apart. The first four, yeah, the first four, three years apart each one. You know, another three years go by. He has another one. But the difference is these the second and third, girls are together, they spend time together, they're getting picked up and they're being taken to places together Again.
Speaker 1:What happened here? Like, what about Jaila? Like why did we get dismissed and kind of like, you know, thrown to the wayside over here? And I don't know if it was the jail piece or the my dad piece, I don't know. I don't know if I will ever know. I've asked him several times. I mean, I haven't seen him in years at this point, but when we did cross paths I asked him like what was different? Like why are you not, you know, given the same attention and love and at least acknowledgement to my daughter as you are with your other children?
Speaker 1:And I got a couple of responses. One was you like, I know you got it. Like you take care of business and you hold stuff down, so I know you got it. That was one response. Another response was I'm doing the best I can. That was another one.
Speaker 1:I had even asked him once. I said I don't get you no problems, I don't create no drama. I barely even asked you for anything. All I'm asking for is for you to be a father. And it was like, and I appreciate that, like, like I know, you don't give me no drama, so it's you know. So I don't.
Speaker 1:I never really got an a straight answer and I don't even know if it was maybe because he didn't know why. You know, um, I Would, and I would love to know, even to stay. I would love to have some kind of a Explanation of what happened. Not that it will change anything, at least on my end, but at least you just kind of just, you know, get some insight into, like men who choose not to be Parents to certain children, or women who choose not to be parents to certain children, like why is that? You know? I'm saying so that that that was you know. Yeah, that's, that's that part. So do you have any other questions or thoughts? Jela, nothing, no, not really. Okay, how does this? What's? What do you feel in your body right now?
Speaker 2:I Genuinely don't know like. It's kind of like, you know, when you know something and and you're kind of like you know what, i'ma let it go. But then you hear it again because it I think Think I've said this before that when things happen to me, it's easier for me to be like you know what let me get over this. But when it happens to people I love, it's harder for me to be like, yeah, i'ma just let this go, like to be present and witness your mom struggle and try to like do the best she can and your dad's driving Lamborghinis and and they're they're wearing designer clothes and they're doing this and that, and you're kind of like the, the I'm like Cinderella or something. They gonna put me up in the attic and give me the hammy downs, like that's just what I got and and it's just like dang, like this, this isn't.
Speaker 2:I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask you to To provide me with MCM backpacks and and all this stuff and buy me the latest shoes and and just drop money off at the door. You know, like I actually didn't know I had younger siblings until I was 1011. I thought that I was the only child and that, you know, my dad was just a deadbeat. But then when I think grandma, I think they found out about me, because I think even the baby moms didn't know that I existed until.
Speaker 2:One of them did well, yeah, one of them did, but the other ones didn't know about me Until I think he was going to jail or something like that he had to go to I don't know. They found out about me at court. My grandma was like, yeah, there's Jaila, she's the oldest, and we kind of just all came together at that point and I think that was probably one of the most difficult times of my life where it's like I Don't know this man that you guys are so happy to like talk about and you love him so much. I don't, I don't know him, you know, and they would, and they're little kids, so I can't blame them for being happy about Having a dad. Like that's just something I didn't know about. But it hurt like to hear them say like, oh, do you remember that time dad did this and dad did that. And I'm like To me, honest, I don't know who y'all talking about, like sure, that's, that's our dad.
Speaker 2:And I think when I was younger I definitely held a lot of resentment towards everyone, especially like you know. It's like that Well, god, what, if you know? I think that's kind of where I also took that out on you, cuz I'm like why don't I have like this, like why don't I have anyone, why don't I have a dad? Like this kind of sucks and you try to keep it as honest but as as as respectful for him kind of you didn't want to like tell me everything, obviously, cuz I was still a child.
Speaker 2:But when you have and I can say this when you have your mom saying like, oh well, you know, your dad was young, this that in the third, and then you have your grandma, who is this is her son and she's trying to make him, oh well, your dad is just so busy and and your dad it has a hard time, and you just hear like Like I'm seeing what I'm going through, and then you're telling me that he's having a hard time and it's like, well, what about me? Like I'm having a hard time too. There's no one to go and acknowledge the elephant in the room that this man wasn't in my life for years and now he's out of prison and he's just supposed to like be my dad. Like I don't know who he is. I hear him being a dad to my younger siblings. Cool and great for them, but I don't know, this man Like how, how would I know?
Speaker 2:I've seen pictures of him. Sure, congratulations, like, but Otherwise I don't know him. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, how can you, how can you know him? And if you, you weren't Given the opportunity to know him and, like you said, by the time he, like I guess more so started coming around, like after he got out, it's like, what do you want me to do now? Like, oh, what am I supposed to do? Like, am I supposed to be happy to See you? And then what are we gonna do? I mean, like that's, that's hard, and I remember it was in in you all. Yet, like, like Jaila said, you know, they all, all the sisters at the time, was it the brother here? Yet I don't know, okay, there was the brother. Her brother was, was born by this time. They all finally got to come around each other Because of her grandmother, because they would all come to grandma's house and I Didn't know about them.
Speaker 1:I don't even remember. I think I started hearing about her little sister, like later on down the line. I don't know, it was late. I definitely, definitely didn't know at the time she was born. I honestly thought her mom was lying when she was saying she was pregnant. So I don't, I didn't know, I just wanted to forget it and like, like be left out of it honestly, and so they would all be Together at you know grandma's house and he would come around and he would come around, and he would come around you know grandma's house and he would come around and and like, just try to be dead now, and that's like. That's probably one of the most selfish things you can do is just like reappear in someone's life and expect it to be Regular, like now I can discipline them and I can tell them what to do and I can give them life advice. And you, you have to deal with the last 10 years that you weren't around and and that never happened, and and then, from that moment on, it was sporadic, and so I think that, um, it does say a lot about who we are, because it was, it was um, that situation Was an instrumental piece of how we view the world today, especially for jayla, um, and it is a we because, yes, well, that's her father, and she experienced that neglect and that abandonment.
Speaker 1:I it was a trauma for me too, because I was also left to figure things out and and have those conversations that were very uncomfortable, because, you know, I did keep it respectful and I didn't say everything, because I didn't really like I said, I didn't know why he he no longer, like I know he was hurt right from the whole, giving the ring back and not want to be. You know me saying I didn't want to be with him, whatever, um, but then what you know, like I didn't, no one said don't come be a father like for don't you know being this child's life right and so, um, but I didn't want to slander him either because I wanted to, you know, give jayla the chance to Make that decision for herself if she wanted him to be in her life or not. If you did ever come back around On a more consistent basis, I never, ever wanted to be. The reason why, like I didn't want to, why I say your mom kept us apart, the pre, was the reason that, um, I didn't see you. I never wanted that, um, and so I was very intentional about not saying things because I didn't want to to impact, um, how you viewed him, um, and so, um, we just, I just said what I could. You know the thing, the first things that came to mind, and um, um, and, and, for her grandma, like that was her son and and, honestly, for me I would just walk away or I would be like, okay, um, that's enough. I gotta go and just cut it short because I didn't want to be disrespectful again. I loved her so very much and I respected her, and I'm just I'm sure it's sucked being caught. Sucked being caught in the middle, um, for, especially for a child whom you love so much, and to be the parent of the child who's causing this child harm, um, in an emotional way, or I mean just at all. So I I respected that position as well, um, and I think that that is a great example of kind of what Our goal, one of our goals, are for this podcast is to have these conversations, because, in this situation alone, so many conversations were not had by so many different people and they should have been.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, somebody should have been honest with jayla. You know, somebody should have been honest with her grandma. Somebody should have been honest with me. Somebody should have been honest with him, like, like and all of this, all of this. I remember one time we maybe tried to have a conversation, um, at your grandma's house. It was vacuum.
Speaker 1:Was it the vacuum incident. I don't remember, I think it was the vacuum incident.
Speaker 2:I really do because I remember they called you Basically to like snitch on me. But basically, guys, after my dad got out of prison, he was like this super clean freak. He wanted everybody to clean a certain way and do things a certain way and I just had no respect for him at all. I didn't know who he was. And here he comes Trying to tell me what to do. I don't know him and I don't care what he has to say. And I remember he told me to vacuum the house and I just snapped, I was like I'm not vacuuming, nothing, I'm not, I'm not. What did you talk about? I'm not going to vacuum, no, I'm not doing it. Um, I start like being hysteric, I start crying and stuff. And I remember he's like why are you crying? Just vacuum.
Speaker 2:I said what I said, like having this, like I'm your dad, and I'm like I know this isn't happening right now. And I remember I just went to grandma and I don't know, I just know you were called. I know you were called and that you came over and we were sitting on grandma's couch and there was some sort of conversation. And the thing is, is that at that time I I just knew that we would never Ever Ever have an understanding for each other. Um, nor will would there be any respect From my side more than needed. I mean, obviously I would respect what you have to say for my siblings, but there would never be any sort of You're my dad and I'm going to listen and take what you have to say into any thought of mine at all. I don't know if you even remember the um vacuum incident.
Speaker 1:I do, I do, um, yeah, now that you say it, I do. I do remember, um, and we had a. They called I think your grandma called me because you wouldn't calm down. You were just, you were, I mean, upset and she, she just was just like I can't get her to calm down and I was like what, like what's wrong, like what happened? And she said, oh, she did was try to tell her. I said, okay, here I come. I'm like, oh, he didn't try to tell her something and we just we're just not at that point. We're just not at that point, um, and then when I came over I don't remember what happened immediately, but I do remember like you were like Holding on to me from the side and you were hiding your face.
Speaker 1:I think you were still crying, um, and I was trying to explain to them this is more. This is about more than just the vacuum. It's about you and I'm looking at him walking into her life and just starting and just trying to start from a place Like you've always been here, and that's not okay. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking at them and I'm trying to understand you know, not understand. I'm trying to get them to understand what this is and maybe we can try to talk through it and have a conversation. And Both of them had such blank faces and I don't know if it was just we don't understand or what's the big deal.
Speaker 1:I think for your grandma it was like he's here now and for him it was like what the heck, like I don't know, um, and so I was just saying you know, jaila, and I'm sitting there, you know she's on my side. I'm like do you want to talk? Like do you want to try to say what you're feeling? And she was like she's, you know, you just kept saying no, no, like no, um, and it's probably because you couldn't, you didn't really know how to put that into words and it just didn't go anywhere. And I said, well, you know what? Do you want to come home Like, let's just cause I just I didn't know how to explain what I understood so well, but I couldn't word it and I didn't even know if it would have mattered if I could word it, because I think in his mind, what was the big deal? I'm her dad. Like he may really have expected to just come and everything be fine and just be accepted with open arms, and it was not the case, it was not going to be the case and neither one of them could understand that.
Speaker 1:And so I kind of I just gave in like flight, flight free, submit, kind of thing. I just I gave in, I said you know what, okay, let's go home and we'll try again another time. And I said, from going forward, you can't not, don't tell her what to do, but everything you say needs to be very gentle. Or don't say anything at all. Or tell Tammy, because you can't understand and you this is just going to keep happening.
Speaker 1:And it was probably some frustrated words because he didn't want to hear nothing I had to say, even though I was her mother and raising her for years, didn't want to hear what I had to say. It was kind of like I just ain't going to deal with this and that's. I'm like, see, that's the problem, right, cause that's the way you've been handling raising her, or not raising her, should I say all this time is that it's too hard, it's too complicated, it's too much, I'm just not going to deal with it. And so that was probably the only time that there was an attempt at a conversation and it just could not be had? Do you remember the letter you wrote him?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, and I think we lived on Park Boulevard and I remember it was like on yellow paper or something, or maybe his response was on yellow paper and I just remember you were like I think this was around the time where I was just acting out Like I was just so angry and I was so mad, and I think it was fresh, because I think this is around the time that me and my sister started kind of, is this around the time? Okay, yeah, they were like you know, and then you have all these emotions and it's like bro, what? And I remember you telling me like, just write it down and write how you feel down. And I mean, I didn't hold back at all and he was in prison at this time. This is even before the whole vacuum incident. I did not hold back. You would not have expected it, like with little preteen writing those angry words because I was so mad and I don't even remember his response. But I know that it was just BS, it was completely BS. It was like and I think that was another you know how, like you're trying so hard to like hold on to something and it's just like you keep putting a notch in our healing, or in my healing by not once has my dad ever apologized, not once has he ever taken accountability, like there was never, there was nothing. It was. It is what it is, this is what it's gonna be, and you're either gonna like it or you're not, and that's it.
Speaker 2:And I think one part I do remember is him saying something like he's such a victim player. I don't know why, but I remember him saying something like you're gonna do this to me while I'm in jail, like I remember he wrote that like something about like you're gonna do this to me and it's like wow, I'm gonna do this to you. That's crazy. And I think from there it was kind of like okay, like this is what it's gonna be, but then I'm still a little girl, so it's like I don't want this to be what it is. I want you to be my dad, I want you to be in my life.
Speaker 2:And to make it even worse, I remember he would call grandma's house phone and we would all be waiting like at the phone, like, oh, my God, it's dad, like. It's like we haven't heard from him, we haven't seen him, hopefully he'll talk to us. And I think it was like we all got like 30 seconds, Not even. Let me not say that my younger siblings got 30 seconds. I think I got hey, jaila, give the phone back to grandma, honestly. And grandma had the two-way phone so you could pick up the other end.
Speaker 2:And I remember one time I was like you know what? I just want to see. I want to see what he says. And I remember hearing grandma and she was like the kids want to talk to you, like talk to your children, and he literally said call my little brother's mom. And she was like well, what about the kids? Like you haven't even like really said anything to him and he was like just three-way my little brother's mom and I don't know what they talked about.
Speaker 2:I just knew like I'm like okay, like solely, but surely I was starting to come to terms with this will never be what I want it to be, and I think that's really hard for someone that's 12, 13 years old wanting that so bad, because I saw that he gave it to my siblings and I'm like so I know he can do it, but he just won't do it for me, and I think that hurt my little feelings as a kid, but it also helped me take people for who they are and not put my own feelings in it and be looking at myself like man. Maybe it's me Like, maybe I'm just not a good kid, but I just had to learn like it's not me and it is what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, again, another example of choosing to just not deal, choosing to just not acknowledge on his part. And what do you even say about that? I can't even begin to say to understand and I won't understand because I'm not that kind of parent. So, but yeah, I did, I told her to write that letter. I felt like it would at least get some of that out, because I could tell she was so upset. It was just so angry, and I knew why. I knew where it was coming from.
Speaker 1:I empathized with her because it was a familiar situation. My dad wasn't in my life either when I was little, so and that hurt me too because it was like see, talking about bringing that protector, it happened. I couldn't protect her, it happened to her. Now she has something in her life like me again and it's just like. That's hard to say. But yeah, I told her to write that letter and I remember he called me after he got the letter and he says my daughter hates me. And then immediately he went to joking Like dang, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Immediately he went to joking like dang, she might have a hip put out on me, like the way. Did you read that letter? The way she was saying it might be somebody after my head, ha ha ha ha.
Speaker 1:And I was like I didn't read the letter because I wanted her to write and be very direct and raw and not have to worry about me skimming through it and reviewing it and being upset with her or saying Jaila, why would you say this? Or something like that. I wanted her to just pour her heart out to you so that you could understand the pain that she's feeling or at least know it. Even if you don't understand it, you can at least know it because it's here on paper, it's physical.
Speaker 1:And he was like I don't know what to do from here. And I told him that you need to. When you get out, you need to start trying to be a dad, you need to be in her life, like take her to lunch and just talk to her about things, tell her you apologized, explain who you were, like there's a ton of things you can do and know it ain't gonna be easy. And he asked me to come up and see him, come, fill out this visitor form to come see him. And I'm like I don't need to come see you, you need to see her. I told you everything that I could tell you and I still kind of had my own mixed emotions and feelings and I didn't wanna go up and visit.
Speaker 1:I mean, we could talk on the phone. We're here talking and as I say that, at the same time I wonder if that was a missed opportunity for me to correct it, because maybe he would have understood better if I was in his face. But I think when things like this happen, you look for the fault, someone to blame, and unfortunately, sometimes you blame yourself, like I should have done that, or maybe if I would have went, maybe if I didn't, maybe if I didn't. And I've lived my life doing that Like if I didn't do this, or if I didn't say this, or I should have said this, and it's just never makes a difference, because I think fate is what it is for those who believe in fate, and it's going to. What's going to happen is going to happen. It doesn't matter what you say or do. A lot of the times, if he was meant to be a father to her the way she and I hoped for it would have happened. It wouldn't have matter what I said or what I did, because there are parents out there right now that will fight tooth and nail to make sure that they are present in their children's life. So I mean, that's all you can really say about that.
Speaker 1:But this is really a deep look into our journey, especially in this area. Of course, there's so much more, but just kind of regarding where just the independence that I have, the independence that she has, the other things that are a part of her character that came directly from this, I mean, she's giving you, we are giving you, a very deep look into this journey and this story. So if there's anything else, I think you know you'll catch it on the next podcast. We probably won't be talking about this specifically, but, as Jaila mentioned, this is a very big part of our story and so things will come up. So any parting thoughts or anything, jaila?
Speaker 2:Nope.
Speaker 1:Any words for the people?
Speaker 2:No sorry.
Speaker 1:Okay, no need to be sorry. So, yeah, we're gonna go ahead and wrap up then. I guess this was less right. If you've made it this far, which we hope you have, it's less about teen pregnancy, I guess, than just more about Jaila's birth story and my story right, and allows you to get to know us a little bit better.
Speaker 1:And what I will say, though, is that, just in regards to teen pregnancy in general, there's such a stigma behind it and there's such a shaming piece that if you were a teenage mother, or if you are a teenage mother, it's as I said was mentioned to me it's a how dare you or how could you, and I think, if this story, or any part of this, resonates with you, you know how you dared, and you know what was missing from your life, who was missing from your life and the reason why you chose the path you did, and so, if you are a teen mom listening, or if you were a teen mom and you're now an adult and you know are going through life right now, give yourself grace, give yourself space, make sure that you focus on those who support you, those who love you, and try your very best to block out and remove anything else, anyone else that does not serve you because it will not do you any justice in your life going down the line. I've been a mom for 22 years and I am you know, until very recently have still been impacted by the decisions I made back then in allowing people to have say in my life. And today I am here with my 22 year old daughter, who is in college, who is child free, who is very kind, who is very thoughtful, who is very in tune, who has impacted my life in such a phenomenal way, and I don't regret any of it. I don't regret the decision that I made. I never will. I knew at a child's age that I was going to keep her and I was going to raise her and we were going to figure it out, and that's what we did.
Speaker 1:That story is not the same for everybody, and that's okay too, because everybody has their individual needs, because everybody has their individual choice to make, dependent upon what their life looks like. That's not always possible. You know there are children who've been given up for adoption and if that's what you felt like you needed to do for the safety and well-being of that child, then you know hats off to you for making that choice to give that child a better opportunity. And, you know, for anyone out here kind of you know, being careless and otherwise, you know, step back and maybe take a thought right about the impact that you have on other people's lives If you're not out here being careful. And back to sex education, right, if you are not being careful and making sure that you have a child when you're ready, let's step back and take an educational moment, because it's not just about taking pictures and matching outfits, you know.
Speaker 1:It's not just about keeping somebody around because you think that a baby will do that. This is someone's life. This is someone's mental and emotional well-being. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. So just remember that. And if you know someone who is currently a teen parent or they're, you know, pregnant right now and trying to find a way through it, just be a resource and be a support. And even if you're upset and you feel, you know, emotionally driven and well-being, emotionally driven in one way or another by it, just kind of remember that the effects of anything you do or say could be long-lasting. That's important. So I said I would wrap and so we will Thank you for taking this time to be with us in this space. Remember that we will be dropping a new episode on Wednesdays, once a week, and we hope that you'll stay tuned and connect with us each time. Peace.
