Let's Talk Later
Let's Talk Later
Defining the Duo
Welcome to the start of raw and unfiltered conversations about life's discomforts that many of us usually avoid. As a fearless mother-daughter duo, we, Caprie and Jaylah, open up about our personal stories and aim to build a safe space for tough, yet necessary conversations. From exploring the unique dynamics of our mother-daughter relationship born out of my early motherhood to Jaylah's journey of self-discovery after the loss of her beloved grandmother, we promise to take you on a journey that is as enlightening as it is inspiring.
In a world where we're often told to hide our emotions, we wholeheartedly embrace them. Together, we dissect the importance of therapy and direct, no-holds-barred conversations in processing our emotions. If left unaddressed, these emotions can morph into resentment and anger, two powerful forces that can wreak havoc on our mental and emotional well-being. As we progress, we'll also dive into the impact of unresolved trauma and the role of being a protector from a young age on our relationships and perspectives. It's a bumpy ride that many can relate to, but it's also a journey worth taking for gaining invaluable insights.
To wrap up, we also discuss our hopes and goals for the future, laying stress on therapy, self-discovery, and honesty as our guiding principles. But that's not all! We're excited to announce that we'll be releasing new content every Wednesday, diving into topics like absent fathers, addiction in families, and teenage pregnancy. So, join our growing community, leave a review, and who knows, you might just be part of our next conversation! Don't just listen, be a part of the change.
Hello and welcome to let's Talk Later. I am your host, Caprie, and I'm your other one.
Jaylah:Jaylah.
Caprie:And we are the unapologetic mom and daughter duo behind this podcast. We will be diving into the taboo, the awkward and the downright uncomfortable topics that many people tend to shy away from. What is our goal? To create a safe and open space for conversations that need to happen within our communities. On today's episode, our very, very first episode, we want to just talk about who we are while we're doing this, our goals, and just share a little bit about ourselves for our listeners down the line.
Caprie:I'm going to jump things off and Jaila, you just jump in as you see fit. So who am I? I'm a mom, I'm a working professional, I'm a dancer, I'm an artist, I'm a woman, and I feel very deeply and I feel like that's why this podcast is an opportunity for me to express and dive into the emotions. I've just a lot of things in the world, a lot of things in my life, and so, as I mentioned, we are a mother-daughter duo. So Jaila is the first of my two children. I had her at a very young age and we went through a lot and are still learning and growing and figuring things out, and I feel like a lot of people would be able to relate to our story would be able to add to it, contribute and, like we said earlier, just have conversations around things like this, especially being a young mom and working through the complexities of the mother-daughter relationship and then some right. So my goal that is pretty much my goal is one to connect with our community, with our family, with each other and build from this and just kind of see where life continues to take us in this new space that we are discovering.
Caprie:So when I say I had Jaila very young, I got pregnant, I was 14 years old and that obviously I think is really big. And I was in, obviously I was in high school at the time and had a lot of support in certain areas and in certain areas not so much, and, as you can imagine, it was a very complicated time where there were everybody has something to say, everybody has something to feedback criticism, and I think one of the big problems about criticism is that you don't look, you look at it from the passenger seat, forgetting that you were a driver at one point yourself, right. So I finished high school, I went to college you know the realities of being a parent, settled in a lot more and I realized I needed to go and get a job right. I needed to take care of my child and I needed to get out of the situation that I was in Talk about that later. And so I left college and I started a job and I actually have been at that same company 15 years Talk about that later, let's talk later, right?
Caprie:And so throughout this time I have risen, I have fallen, I have grown, I have changed, I have developed, and right now we are here at 37, oh, my God, not yet 36 and 22 and figuring out who we are, even in this space, because every year you change and you learn and you grow. And Jaila's father I will let her speak to that if she wants to or not. I think we should, because we are here to talk through all of the stuff that's uncomfy and shaped and molded us into the people that we are now and who we will continue to be. So, without giving and divulging too much, I'm going to hand it over to Jaila and let her tell a little bit of her story and who she is.
Jaylah:I don't even know, like I'm still like I don't know, because I'm so young still that it's like I don't really have like a complete story. Of course, like you know, I don't know, like I don't know, I'm in college, I'm in school.
Caprie:College and school are the same.
Jaylah:Yeah, but I don't know, like I don't, really I can't. There's no way for me to like put my life story or like where I've come from, in like a few words. Um, yeah, I mean you kind of. The thing is that like your story is kind of my story.
Caprie:So yeah, but you have a whole different perspective.
Jaylah:For surely? Yeah, I mean, we come from two different like generations. Obviously we were raised very differently. Um, I guess I would say like I'm the I don't even know. Yeah, I'm still trying to like, like when people that's one of my biggest things is like when people are like, oh, like explain yourself and like four words, I'm like, uh, it's just automatically like awkward Cause, I'm like I don't know, like I'm still like figuring those things out. So Okay.
Caprie:Well, what about this? Okay, you love movies and shows and reality dramas and all of that. If there was any Character that you could relate to, that you feel like man. I see a lot of myself in this person.
Jaylah:Bruh, Issa bruh from insecure mom.
Caprie:It's funny, cause I say the same thing.
Jaylah:Okay, um she's still trying to like figure things out. She's very supportive of the people around her, um, especially like in the beginning of that like TV show, when you see her like just really trying to like figure her own stuff out but also be there for her dude. I guess I kind of would say that like in the beginning of like my journey, I guess, um, I was very much lost, especially like after like grandma died and stuff. Like I just felt like I had to just be on like autopilot, especially for like my siblings, and after a while that just became too much for me to like hold on to by myself. Um, you know, and instead of like like what's that? What I'm thinking about, like trying to get through that like head on, I kind of just ran from it. Um, and then that's when I left out of state for college and ended up on the other side of America, yeah, um. So yeah, like I just I've been really lost, I guess, and now I'm starting to kind of get it together and yeah.
Caprie:Okay, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. Um, I think, um, I think, uh, yeah, that speaks a little bit to who you are, I mean, you know what. So what kind of like a friend are you Like? Okay, we talk about Issa, right, issa and her brother seemed like they had a bit of a complicated relationship, her mom, they seemed like they weren't very close but then kind of got close to like values. Right, if you talk about values like what's important, like what would you say are your values just in life? Like family, friendships, connections, success, financial freedom, you know all of these kinds of things. Like what's important to you Religion, I'm not gonna say that Definitely not.
Jaylah:But anyway, I know okay, I guess I would say like my family is a very big part of like who I am, just because we I feel like, especially me and you were like I know you hated this when I was growing up, but like we're like best friends more than I felt like in the beginning. Like it was hard to kind of create that like I don't know, that balance between us where what's like okay, yeah, we're super close in age, so we are gonna have more like sisterly, like best friend vibes than like mom and daughter. But I mean, as we grew up and grew older and matured a bit, it became more like okay, like this is our balance of like you're my mom but you're also someone I like go to for everything, like there's nothing that I feel, like I'm uncomfortable to speak with you. I hope so.
Caprie:Now, I mean now, yeah, yes, yeah, she has shared some things with me. There's so many people like not so many people, because I have a fairly small circle, but but, like boy, jaila told me all kinds of stuff and I mean I could never and I'm like I know I thought I would feel the same, but I don't know.
Caprie:And I was that one like I'm not your friend, you know, like no, I'm your mom because you know that's how I was raised. It's like you show your parents a certain I ain't even gonna say I asked how I was raised. That's kind of the assumption that was placed on me, Some form of fashion that you show your parents respect, and it's a very fine line between being friends and being your mother, because you just don't cross those lines for some reason. I don't know. It's like this unspoken understanding and so I took that on because I had a limited amount of parental examples and so I was just like no, no, you know, I'm your, I'm not your friend, I'm not your friend, but it's like no, I value that because I wanna know what's going on, because all too often, you know, you hear these things on the news where it's like, oh, this person's daughter went missing and like for a year she was out on the corner doing her thing and like they, the parents, had no idea that she was living that kind of life. It's like just the dangers that come with it, Just, I mean just being open, like why not?
Caprie:I remember Jaila had told me like I would always keep my like emotions like on guard, cause like nope, she don't need to deal with this or she doesn't need to know about this. It's my stress, it's not to do with her. And I think you said to me like I can feel when you're stressed out or I can tell when something's going on with you, like something along the lines of and correct me if I'm wrong. I was like I can learn from it, or like let me know, or like tell me, because I have to one day I'm gonna have to grow up and who knows what, go through things and I can like like learn from that experience or something like that.
Caprie:It was just something she said and it was like you know what she write, like she could tell anyway, like why not share and be vulnerable and not everything, because you know some things do need? They're a bit in it, but you know, as far as life experiences, it's like why not, you know? And so I think that that, for me, is one of my values, is being able to have open communication with your children, just in general. So because life is gonna happen to them too, just as much or, if not more, if not better, hopefully worse than the things that happen to you. So that's what I was thinking. But so you mentioned like family and like how it shaped you to be who you are. Do you want to like talk about like the dynamic of our family? I mean?
Jaylah:if they're listening, they're probably gonna realize that I hate most of them.
Jaylah:Oh my God, they're gonna be like Jaila just got so much to say about us. I'm like, yeah, whatever I mean our dynamic, like really honestly, truly, I think like in our entire family, I think like who I live with is like who matters the most to me. I think everyone outside of yeah, everyone that like is like our extended family. I genuinely do not care about them. Like half of them don't show up for anything. None of them ever texts to say like how are you Nothing? And I totally don't agree with that whole like oh, the phone works both ways. Like, bro, you've been an adult most of my life. Like I've been a child. Like I'm just like becoming an adult. I'm only 22. And for you know this, I don't know our family dynamic is really like messed up and intense and I think that's probably gonna be a whole episode on its own.
Caprie:But I think with this podcast.
Jaylah:I think one of my biggest goals really is to create like a place where we can be brutally honest and like just kind of allow other people who might be going through the same thing to kind of understand like it's okay to have these like different perspectives and beliefs on how you treat your family. Like I think you're the type of person where it's like oh, I want to like kind of improve this relationship or at least salvage what is left of it, and I'm totally opposite where I'm like you know what? I genuinely don't care if we never talk again. I'm just not gonna keep putting myself in a situation where I have to be the adult when I just became an adult.
Caprie:Yeah, I understand that this is the uncomfortable thing about it, because I am so much of a I don't know if you've got me a peacekeeper or conflict avoidant, that is the word of the day. It's words, but it's true. And I think that that comes when you mention me being let's salvage or let's repair and you being I don't care. I think that changes with maturity too, cause I could say, if I think back to me at 22, this wasn't important to me, it was. What was important to me was keeping bills paid, taking care of my daughter and having fun. I think like that was important, like I didn't even think about relationships with family, what my friends doing, where we going, like what were we about to do, not? How is this person feeling about something I said? Or how can we get deep into the emotional complexities of this trauma that we both lived through, or something like that. I wasn't thinking about that at 22. I didn't really start thinking about this until Probably right before I turned 30. So I think that changes I mean it may or may not change for you, but I think it does change and I actually had one of my sisters there are seven of us, boys and girls, by the way, one of my sisters mentioned you just feel this way because you older, and I was like you know what I think you're probably right Like I didn't care, and I also am of the belief that so many conversations well, the lack of conversation is the reason for so much, or so many of the issues that happen or that are present in families and relationships is because people just won't talk, they just won't say it, they're too scared to admit it, they're too scared to address it, and that's a problem, because you have to talk through things.
Caprie:What was Jaila was telling me? We had a difference in perspective. It's like I said. I said you have to grow through it to go through it, or something like that, as you'll be here. No, it's, you have to go through it, to go through it. Like I'm, like dude. They mean the same, but for real, though, you have to like go through a thing. You have to experience a thing and feel through a thing. You have to process it and truly like what does process mean For you, jaila? What does the word process mean? What does that look like?
Jaylah:Processing it? I don't know. I'm trying to understand it. I'm trying to understand how it affects me and those around me, kind of jumping back to changing or trying to fix the relationship. You could say that, like my sisters, we had a very strange relationship and whatnot. Things happened or whatever, and I kind of had to process how it was not only affecting her one of my sisters but how our situation was affecting me and how I kind of had to step up and be the bigger person in that situation and come to her and be like, hey, I totally understand. So processing it can take time. It can mean I think it's very complex. A lot of people process things differently. Some people get angry. I think me personally. I sit in silence and I like to just simmer in that feeling and then kind of just say where do I go from there once I feel it, and whatnot.
Caprie:Yeah, I see. Okay, I think that's gonna be different for everybody, because I feel like processing to me a part of processing is therapy. For me, a part of processing is acknowledgement, direct acknowledgement, like you say you have, I don't know. You said somebody, like said something to you in the heat of argument and it hit you deep. And to process that would be to say to that person hey, when you said X, it made me feel Y and what we gonna do about this? That's a part of processing to me.
Caprie:But that doesn't happen. Many people will bury it and move forward. Many people believe that it didn't affect them or lead themselves maybe even to believe that it didn't affect them and go forward. And then, as soon as something happens that is similar to that situation right, triggers they get mad all over again, but this time they're twice as mad because they never processed or dealt with that when it happened the first time, when they said whatever they said.
Caprie:So, but going back to you when you said I'm not gonna continue to be the adult in the situation or feel like I have to be the adult in the situation connected to your dad, right, and your grandmother, that was a lot of the same thing that you said. You have to step in and do, and you have to step in and be because he didn't, because she didn't, because of these things. Is this cause and effect right? So, like, do you feel that that is related to how you feel today as an adult, the responsibility that was placed on you at nine, 10, as far as your siblings and the care of your grandmother, you know?
Jaylah:Yeah, I mean it's kind of like I'm not gonna say no names yet but in certain situations like I had not like in every aspect of my life, but in the ones that mattered the most to me, I didn't have like, oh, we're gonna go outside and have fun, like no, I'm like taking care of, you know, kids, like I'm making sure that they're fed and bathed, and you know that does like play a very big part on how I respond.
Jaylah:Now it's like I've done so much up to this point that if you can just give me half of what I can give, we would probably have a better relationship, especially to the family members that like kind of knew what we were, like what I was going through and like what I was like having to deal with, you know, and for them to kind of just kind of fall into the shadows and you know like it's kind of like why even try to work on that at all Like I was a kid and now that I'm, yeah, an adult, now it's still that inner child in me that wants someone to be like hey, you know, I'm here for you, understand what you're going through, especially for my family like that's a really big deal.
Jaylah:So I think that plays. I mean with that, though I can't sit here and say it was a bunch of negatives that it caused, because I feel like now I'm mentally stronger, I can persevere through almost anything. Like I'm going to get through it regardless if there's no one in my corner or everyone's in my corner. But yeah, that just comes with its goods and bads.
Caprie:Yeah. So I guess this is another place for the perspective change, because while I totally understand what you're saying, like especially from the perspective or the role of a protector, right being your mom, I don't really know what this means. But people be like I'm going to play devil's advocate here and I think this might be the right situation. I've done the same so, and when I say that I mean there are younger members of our family that my presence in their lives has fallen short, it has fallen to the wayside, and when I think about that, it makes me, you know, that pit of the stomach feeling like you're holding, like an emotion that's connected to that, and I think that's guilt and I think it's a little bit of fear, because when you have a situation, so one thing that happens and I think you know many people will probably relate to this is that when two adults have problems, the kids suffer. When two adults have tension, it changes the relationship between said adults and those children, and that's problematic, and I think that's a piece that I'd love to talk about on a future episode, just how to combat that and how to push through that, you know. So look forward to that, but I think it's almost easier when you're coming from a place of unresolved trauma in yourself and you look at another person's or group of people's situation and it's like emotionally complex. It's easier to and I'm speaking for myself it's easier to avoid because it's like I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to show up. And then for me, you know, I'm totally, you know, on this podcast, to be totally transparent, I suffer from neglect and abandonment.
Caprie:And for people who suffer from things those things not alone or specifically, or one or the other, but in any kind of combination they tend to feel like a burden on everyone. So it's like, will you reject me if I come to you and say I miss you? I'm sorry, you know, will you get upset with me? Will you think I'm doing too much? Will you push me away? And it's like it doesn't even matter with age, you know, depending on where your trauma was based or, I guess, how old you were when you experienced your greatest traumatic event, whatever to say, I mean a 30 year old to a 10 year old, you know, if you have deep rooted trauma and there's something that happens in that relationship and that 10 year old forget, you know, forgetting how mentally and developmentally different a 10 year old is.
Caprie:If they respond to you in a certain way, you're gonna be like they hate me, I messed up, I did something wrong, and you're gonna start to go inward and it's like it's this whole complicated process and I think, where I am in my big age, I understand that more, not that it's justifiable, not that it's an excuse, but it is a factor and I think that we all get to that point sometimes and so I would never, ever force or try to force or make anything uncomfortable for anyone else. But I do think that when you get to that point, you understand that it helps when you're looking at those relationships and those perspectives. So that's my perspective and like I would love, of course well, I don't know about everybody, but I would love if we all what they say I don't know who said this on the show Can't we all just get along Like that's really what I want, like that's really what I hope for, because we never really had that. If I look at all of the players in my movie, everybody has some kind of a trauma, everybody has some kind of a pivotal point in their lives that they haven't fully healed from and that's a stop gate for a lot of success in the relationships and in the healing process. So, yeah, that's my thoughts.
Caprie:But the inner child work, though, I think is very important. You mentioned that, j-lore. You said your inner child wants Talk more about that.
Jaylah:On the introduction episode oh okay, you're right.
Caprie:All right, you're right. All right, you're right. Okay, we can say that because you probably did say that that can be a whole episode If you even if you didn't say it, it can be a whole episode of it's in itself. So I think we definitely have shared a lot and talked about a lot, but I do want to acknowledge and look at a little just a little bit more of the story about what are your like not even the goals for this podcast, but like your hopes for yourself. Like looking at where you were as a child when you finally started to get in touch with your emotions and how, what your understanding of life was to now, and then like what you see for yourself in the future when it comes to like this, everything like goals and values and family dynamic and so on and so forth.
Jaylah:I think with this podcast for real, like it's an outlet for you know us, but I think it'll also be a good bridge, hopefully for some of our family as well, to kind of learn, because I really think, genuinely speaking, that me and you are kind of the two bridges for, like you kind of have that upper, older generation of our family and then I- and I ain't even older.
Caprie:But we will talk about it.
Jaylah:And then, obviously, I have more of a relationship with, like, the younger people in our family and whatnot, and I don't know. I just really hope that you know we don't I don't know, we don't burn bridges more than we try to build them, but I think that, with us being transparent and super honest about how we feel and the things that have happened that potentially may be, you know, what happens is that people don't talk to us anymore. But hopefully, just having us all learn from each other and just being honest, I think is what I'm really hoping for, because I have been always known to be the unfiltered voice.
Jaylah:And so hopefully it'll just, you know, have people kind of understand like, hey, we're all in this together, so let's try to do something right, I agree.
Caprie:I think, and just to reiterate, this is not a slandering, bashing podcast. That is not our goal, that is not our intention. The intention is this is this we hope that this spans far and wide, not just across Tim, joe, bob and Bill and when I say that I mean you know the players in our movie, like I said but to other families out there in you know our diverse communities, right, who aren't having conversations, who have tensions between mom and dad and dad and daughter and mom and daughter, son, cousin, nephew, niece, grandpa, and we hope to inspire those people through our own stories and our perspectives and our conversations to start having their own conversations, to start talking to each other, to start listening to one another. Intentionally listening, that's another. I'm gonna do a episode of vocabulary because I feel like people need to make sure they have the correct psychological understanding and definition of these words.
Caprie:Listening is not just I'm hearing what you saying, because I'm preparing my response. Listening is not just sitting there staring at the person's lips while they talk. Listening involves so like active, intentional listening. It involves so many more parts of your brain and your body, and so we'll talk about that as well. We're really here to like to break down these barriers, to really have these deep, necessary conversations. I just wanted to reiterate that. I might say it a thousand more times, but that's just very important to remember and understand that this is for a. This spans beyond our household, our families, our friends. It spans way beyond that. We seek change. But back to you, jaila. You kind of answered some of the question, but you didn't talk about where you are versus where you are versus where you've been versus where you're going.
Jaylah:Looking back, I was like a really angry, disheveled child who didn't know how to communicate, and now I think that I'm extremely, extremely better at communicating, saying what I need to say respectfully sometimes, and where I hope to go is understanding myself a little bit more. Yeah, just really, I'm in that phase right now in my life where I'm just like, bro, who am I, what do I wanna be, what do I wanna do, where am I gonna go? And I don't know those answers yet.
Caprie:Yeah, no, I would have to agree. I don't know those answers for myself. I know where I want to go, but we ain't gonna know where we gonna end up till we get there. And that's okay. I think that for myself. So when I was little, I wanted to be a male person, right? I don't know why, don't ask, I don't know. When I was like seven and I was walking around the house and I was like I'm gonna be a delivery person when I get older, and somehow I fell into.
Caprie:You know where I am now in human resources, and I'm ready for something else now, and I think so. I'm saying all this to say that where you end up is ever changing, or even where you want to end up is ever changing, and that's all a part, I think, of how you, your experience and how you develop in your relationships and so forth and so on, and so it's always come back to the human part, though, and I think that's why I started in HR, because it was like, oh, human resources, I get to work with people and I get to be a part of something that impacts and affects the experiences of others, but if any of you out there in this field. You'll know that it's very general and it depends really, really, really on where you are in the field, and I think Jaila has. I won't speak for you, but you've always kind of said the same thing as far as where you want to end up in your career, right?
Jaylah:Yeah, helping people and stuff, yeah yeah, but I mean even specifically. Oh yeah, I wanna be a therapist. I wanna like. Well, my biggest career goal is to become a child psychiatrist, but that changes every day. I don't know exactly where I wanna end up in the field of psychiatry, but I know that I wanna like give back to people who are asking and looking for help.
Caprie:Yeah, they say that that comes from where you started in life, like if you come from a childhood where no one helped you, you know, or no one listened to you. You have this desire into adulthood to become the listener, to become the helper, you know, and so I think that's true for both of us as well, as I think there are other people in our family who have the same ambitions as to be some kind of, you know, mental health or psychology driven, be in a psychology driven role in their life, and so that's all good man, it's really all good, and I think everything's gonna keep continue to change. Things are gonna continue to grow and change and shift in our lives, and that's actually kind of exciting. I do wish, and my hope for Jaila has always been to for her to find her why and to follow what she is passionate about, because I feel like you know, as I mentioned earlier in the episode, I just had to find a job because I had to take care of business.
Caprie:You know I couldn't finish school at the time. I mean no, no, no, I couldn't. I was gonna say I could have if I really tried, but there was a lot going on in my life at that time that prevented me from fulfilling the goal I had then, so I was like I couldn't do it.
Caprie:She gonna do it. If she's not gonna do it, I'm gonna at least give her the opportunity to do it. I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that she has that opportunity, because it's important, because you know it at least decreases the likelihood that you are at a big age and you're like dang, I wish I would have started this 10 years ago. I wish I would have done this back then. That may or may not happen anyway, but it's still at least, like I said, just gives the opportunity. So, again, we will continue to follow this journey and just see where life takes us and hopefully, through this podcast and other avenues like this and other spaces, we will heal other areas of our lives and the lives of those around us and far beyond our physical reach. And so, with that, I think we're gonna go ahead and close up, and you know our plan and our another one of our plans and our goals is to release more episodes and more content.
Caprie:We plan to air every Wednesday, so be on the lookout for more content from let's Talk. Later we will be covering a variety of topics, such as absent fathers, which we touched on a little bit today addiction in families and teenage pregnancy. We hope to bring you guests and speakers to give additional perspective and outlook, because diversity of thought is huge as well in this space, and so be on the lookout. We are excited to keep this going and to talk to you all and to hear from you as we have these very important conversations. So, to all you good people, you take care, make sure you subscribe and leave a review. Again, we wanna hear from you because you are a part of this community that we're trying to build, and so a community is nothing without connection and communication. So until next time, be safe, be well, take care.
